RKNJ: An American Revolutionary in the Making

Creating Change 2012 in Baltimore, MD

2012-01-30T12:08:00.000-08:00

I survived my 2nd Creating Change! Miraculously! Words can't really describe what a crazy week I just had! Creating Change is the premier annual organizing and skills-building event for the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender community and their allies. The conference is run by the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force, and attracts more than 2,500 people from all over the country every year. Presenters and participants come from all walks of life and include members of the business community, elected officials, students, faith leaders and staff and volunteers of non-profit organizations. The five-day program features over 250 workshops and training sessions, four plenary sessions, and tons of networking opportunities.

I had the privilege to attend Creating Change from Wednesday through Sunday. I participated in a Racial Justice Institute, Lobby Day on Capitol Hill, panel presentation, organized a youth of color town hall, tabled at our exhibit booth, raise money for NBJC, and attended the 2nd Leadership Advisory Council. It was a mind-blowing weekend, having the opportunity to engage in candid conversations about racial justice and LGBT equality. It was refreshing to interact with LGBT youth of color and be inspired and affirmed in such an energetic and positive environment. Although it was extremely strenuous, I thoroughly enjoyed the conference and can't wait until Creating Change 2013 in Atlanta, GA.

Although there is so much to do in preparation for next year's conference and for the rest of 2012 I feel like this was the perfect way to start 2012. This year is going to be so eventful and exciting from next month's White House Black LGBT Emerging Leaders Day and Black History Month, my birthday in March, finishing up law school applications and submitting deposits, LGBT Pride season, summer (finally some warm weather!), Congressional Black Caucus Foundation week and Out on the Hill, Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. I am so ready!

I love being a Black LGBT activist and I am ready to take my ACTIVISM to the next level!

Always,

Rodney Kendell

Rodney Kendell Nickens Jr. is a Senior Fellow with the National Black Justice Coalition, a civil rights organization dedicated to empowering Black lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) people. If you believe in the work of young progressives like me, please reach deep in your hearts and pockets, donate to this worthwhile cause, and help me succeed! They've even made it super easy -- you can donate online using the link below. I truly do thank you so much!!

CLICK HERE TO DONATE

Prince George's County Young Democrats Meeting

2012-01-11T05:55:00.000-08:00

As I kick off the beginning of 2012, I am going to make a dedicated effort to blog about all of the the phenomenal political activities, briefings, and events that I am attending in Washington, D.C. as a Senior Fellow with the National Black Justice Coalition, a civil rights organization dedicated to empowering the Black lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender community. Last night, January 10, 2012 I attended the general election for the Prince George's County Young Democrats in New Carrolton, Maryland. I was blown away by the turn out and clearly so were the leaders of PGCYD. Over 300 young Black leaders showed up to vote for the candidates in line with their values.

The Prince George's County Young Democrats is an organization devoted to increasing political and social activism throughout the county. PGCYD promotes the principles of the Democratic Party, while working on issues that are important to the residents of Prince Georges County. PGCYD members receive training and experience to be future leaders. They work on campaigns, help Democratic candidates get elected, and advocate on issues of interest to young voters.

PGCYD programs center around political engagement and education. Programs include issue forums and election debates, political training and education for members, social activism, and community service. Events are held January-December and open to the public, unless otherwise stated. Monthly "General Body Meetings" are held the 2nd Tuesday of each month, with a variety of themes -- from "Women's History" in March to "Military Tribute" in May. PGCYD also attends local and national conferences each year. Members have served in a variety of campaign positions during election year, and as delegates to the national convention. Many have gone on to hold elected office on the local, state, and national level.

In addition to phonebanking every Monday night at the Prince George's County Obama For America office the leaders of the PGCYD have expressed interest in critically engaging the community in the most pressing issues facing the County, the State, and our Nation: fighting for our basic civil and human rights, job creation, economic development in our under served communities, protecting our social safety net, and ending government and corporate corruption.
In this critical election year I am honored to have joined this movement and look forward to the important work that lies ahead. I am always inspired by seeing my brother and sisters engaged in the crucial work to advance and uplift our communities. I am honored to be apart of this movement.

Rodney Kendell

Rodney Kendell Nickens Jr. is a Senior Fellow with the National Black Justice Coalition, a civil rights organization dedicated to empowering Black lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) people. If you believe in the work of young progressives like me, please reach deep in your hearts and pockets, donate to this worthwhile cause, and help me succeed! They've even made it super easy -- you can donate online using the link below. I truly do thank you so much!!

CLICK HERE TO DONATE

2012: Why Mass Incarceration Matters?

2011-12-22T22:12:00.001-08:00

Enter 2012.
The 2012 election is officially underway and with November 2012 literally less than a year away we are in store for quite a political show from the Herman Cain affair (taking a page from Tiger Woods I see) to Rick Perry's many gaffes, to Bachmann's irrelevancy, to the shocking revelation that Ron Paul is racist, the United States faces a clear choice in 2012.

Progress and Stagnation.

This election cycle is centered around so many critical issues.

Poverty.
Unemployment.
Jobs.
Economic and Social Inequality.
Economic Development.
Infrastructure.
Energy Independence.
Global Warming.
Education.
War.
Foreign Policy.
National Security.
Civil and Human Rights.

Mass Incarceration Costs Millions
An issue that has not received quite as much traction though...is the issue of mass incarceration. After reading Michelle Alexander’s “The New Jim Crow” I was compelled to write this blog and offer my own commentary on the federal criminal justice system, the War on Drugs, and the policies of the Obama Administration. Her book is a powerful and critical analysis of new era in American history that is painful, chillingly brutal, and unfortunately reminiscent of a period in our nation’s collective memory that we have tried desperately to forget. At times her data and anecdotes were so striking that I had to put the book down and attempt to grapple with the bitter reality that despite living in the presidency of the first Black President of the United States of America, poor and working class African-Americans are still no better off than they were 40 years ago when Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. gave his famous “I Have a Dream Speech.”

Mass Incarceration is an uncomfortable topic to discuss.
Prior to this year, this is a topic that I would admittedly shied away from discussing with such passion and candor despite a world wind of criminal justice activities, including but not limited to the appointment of the first African American U.S. Attorney General, the election of the first woman and person of color as California Attorney General, the brutal murder by BART Police Officer Johannes Mehserles and the accompanying YouTube video of Hayward, CA’s Oscar Grant, and the subsequent media attention it brought, and the mysterious arrest and murder of Fullerton, CA’s Mitrice Richardson.

Crime is not the Issue
As Alexander so eloquently discusses, criminals are not the first victims that civil rights advocates traditionally rush to defend and advocate on behalf. In fact, they are the most undesirable victims, despite being the most urgent casualties of the nation’s most costly and destructive war in U.S. history. It was not until a tragic event in my own life, did I come to realize the gravity of the problematic nature of the system of racial control perpetuated by our law enforcement officers and the criminal justice system that they uphold.

Felon=Nigger
What I was weary of, was begin able to articulate the enormous ramifications of a system, a war, a movement, an era in which the African-American community has been completed devastated by, at a time in history, in which many of us should be rejoicing. I’m sure many of you will know that I am referring to the American criminal justice system and the War on Drugs that has been waged on low-income communities of color for the past 30 years, which has resulted in more than half of the nation’s African-American men not graduating from high school (need citation), a disproportionate number of African-American youth begin ushered into the criminal justice system in what civil rights advocates are calling the “school to prison pipeline” (need citiation), more African American men being under formal control under the criminal justice system than were ever enslaved in the 17th and 18th centuries, and has created a permanent racial under caste of Americans akin to those operating under Jim Crow laws of the 18th and 19th centuries.

Incarceration Is Modern Day Slavery in America
The United States currently leads the world with the highest incarceration rate of any nation, including more repression nations such as Russia, China, and Iran.
Despite similar rates of drug crime amongst Americans of all colors, the United States currently imprisons more of it racial and ethnic minorities than any other country, including South Africa at the height of apartheid. Hundreds of thousands of young Black men languish in prison and jails across the nation, despite the stated fact that white youth are more likely to engage in drug crime than any other group. These young men are stigmatized for life, are subject to legalized discrimination, and part of a growing undercaste, locked up, locked out, and forgotten. For Black youth this is the unfortunate reality of 21st century “post-racial” America.

Read the Book
Thus after reading Alexander’s text, I now have the language and the courage necessary to begin a discussion about the criminal justice system and the accompanying racial under caste system it has created, placing it into context with extraordinary historical moment we are living in with regards to the Great Recession and the Presidency of the first Black U.S. President.

The Rebirth of Caste
When we think of a racial caste system our first collective thoughts are of lands far away from here in foreign nations in the Eastern world. At a time in which we are at war with not one but two Eastern nations declaring a War on Terror, it is particularly difficult for the Western world, and especially American citizens to come to the realization that in the developed world, the land of free, and the home the brave, racial caste exists and thrives. Americans view their nation as the New World and its citizens are extraordinary exemplars of moral and religious virtuosity, an exceptional people destined for collective greatness and an example to the world of a democratic success. This American Exceptionalism perpetuated by the politicians and media is part of the reason why it has been so challenging to grapple with the issue of racial caste in a fundamental and holistic way. This Amerocentric ideology has problematized our collective understanding of the deep and dark legacy of racial prejudice and the history of our racial caste system.

History Repeats Itself
Thus, the American history that we have been taught has assured us that coming to grips with the atrocities committed in each era of racial caste is an unnecessary endeavor. Understanding the true nature of our racial caste system is thus a national project in which our society is not willing or able to indulge in, as evidenced in our laws, policies, case precedent, and Founding Documents, including Our Constitution. It is absolutely essential that we come to understand what exactly a racial caste system is, its history, how it operates, why it exists, where it exists, who it benefits, and who it serves to subjugate. Alexander does a superb job at demonstrating the important sequence of racial justice history in its relation to the contemporary War on Drugs which we might actually think of as the War on urban, poor, communities of color.

Progress comes from changes in laws.

Take Action

1. Watch the speech.

2. Read the book.

http://www.newjimcrow.com/

3. Get involved.

http://www.aclu.org/

4. Tell a friend.

Be the change.

My Reflections on the Presidential Memorandum on LGBT Human Rights

2011-12-22T21:50:00.000-08:00

So for those outside the LGBT bubble, December has been a remarkable month for the LGBT community. Despite a current political climate that has been anything but favorable President Obama and his administration have taken a tremendous stand for LGBT human and civil rights and issued a striking memorandum entitled international initiatives to advance the human rights of lesbian, gay, and bisexual, and transgender persons.

To say that I am blown is truly an understatement. This is truly historic. For the first time ever the United States has stood up for LGBT Human Rights in a way that is authentic, admirable, and timely. President Obama has done more for the LGBT community than any President or leader in history. I can't help but see the many parallels of the LGBT struggle for equality and liberation and the African American struggle. As I both Black and gay, African and American, male and queer, poor and educated, I exist at the intersection of so many struggles. I am fighting for equality not just for me but for all those who have faced similar struggles. Although we have so much to go, as evidenced by the startling findings in the study I know that we are almost there. I can see the mountaintop. We will win.

Thank you President Obama. Thank you Secretary Clinton.

LGBT Community let's get to work.

Let's fight for our rights.

We will win.

The mission is all that matters.

Always,

Rodney

Now Take Action

1. Check out the speech!

2. Read the memorandum fact sheet....and the full memorandum!

http://www.whitehouse.gov/the-press-office/2011/12/06/fact-sheet-working-advance-human-rights-lesbian-gay-bisexual-and-transge
http://www.whitehouse.gov/t
he-press-office/2011/12/06/presidential-memorandum-international-initiatives-advance-human-rights-l

3. Read the UN Report.
http://blogs.cfr.org/patrick/2011/12/22/un-issues-straight-talk-on-gay-rights-next-steps-forward/
4. Tell a friend!

Transitory Migration: West to East

2011-11-17T08:09:00.000-08:00

It has been 4 months since I packed up a bag and jumped on a plane for Washington, D.C. and miraculously I have survived. I am really struggling to put into context all of the emotions, feelings, and thoughts going on in mind right now. Therefore let me try to organize the context of what I want to focus on in this blog.

1. My physical/geographical transition from West to East
2. My emotional transition leaving my friends at UCLA
3. Making new friends in DC
4. My career/professional endeavors
5. My educational trajectory
6. My family
7. Starting my political consulting company/non-profit organization/political action committee
8. Writing my autobiography and fictional book
9. My financial nightmare
10. My luscious locs of love
11. Politics (2012 Election and Maryland Marriage Equality!)
12. My Research Projects (Marriage and the Black community, mass incarceration and the Black LGBT community, LGBT Human Rights in the African Diaspora)
13. Travel Plans (Cali, Abroad, and NYC)

While I may not get to discuss each topic in depth I definitely would like to at least cover each area. Well what I can say. I loved DC so much in 08 that I just couldn't resist coming back in 2011. But no seriously being back in DC at 24 and I little bit wiser has been such a transformative experience. On one hand I definitely miss my Dad and baby sister in the So Cal. I especially miss the palm trees, the beach, the mountains, and all of the beauty of living in Southern California. While on the other hand, I love living in DC and working in the city, although technically I live in Maryland lol. The city is so breathtaking and I have got to find the time to go to plays, museums, the opera and just enjoy the world-class cultural offerings of Washington, D.C.

I miss my friends in California. Especially my best friend Gabe. Although we talk EVERYDAY it's not the same as actually hanging out. Proximity will always trump technology. But nevertheless I am slowly starting to make new connections in DC and forge new friendships and I have to say I am very blessed to have met some pretty amazing people. It's something about East Coast people that is so charming and warm. Something that I was definitely missing in California. And I just may have found someone special. So honestly I can't complain on that front. :-) I am confident that I will be starting law school next fall. Thus far I have applied to Howard and UDC and will submit applications to Maryland and American next week and Virginia and William and Mary the following week. I am also considering applying to North Carolina & Emory and maybe a few schools out West. Honestly I really feel like my calling is to be on the East Coast for the next 5-6 years. And although I know Gabe wants me to move back to Cali I just don't feel like it's in the plan. I honestly see me staying in DC for at least another 3-4 years and then moving to NYC. I definitely see me going to New York and working for a firm and really establishing my legal cache in a world class legal environment.

I have greatly enjoyed my work with NBJC and working on Marriage Equality and HBCU policy change and just really getting my feet wet in the political world. It has really motivated me to take my professional ambitions to the next level and really shake somethings up! So I definitely see law school as the next logical step. Then I will work for a firm for 5 years or so. Maybe do some more public sector work after that, run for office. Maybe start a PhD or MBA program depending on how my consulting firm, non-profit, and PAC are going and obviously depending on my bank account. If I'm sitting pretty it might not be a necessity right away. But I definitely intend to step up my writing game. I need to be writing a new blog and submitting editorials and opinion pieces once a month, at least. And I really wanna finish my memoir by 2013. 2012 is all about politics. Helping the President get reelected. Passing marriage equality in Maryland. Finishing my project on marriage and Black public opinion. Starting law school. Kicking off the HBCU LGBT Inclusion Campaign. Getting my fiscal house in order. And of course traveling!

Happy Holidays!!

Rodney

Plan of Attack

2011-08-07T19:16:00.000-07:00

Summer of Recession
This summer has been an extremely intense period of time for me and has challenged me more so than I have ever been in my life. This year has been tumultuous at best and most certainly a life learning experience, an opportunity for self exploration, and a period of self discovery about who I really am, who I hope to become, and what I want to do with my life.

January was a precursor to how my year might start off...with a serious car accident resulting in me losing two suitcases, my backpack, my laptop, and my iphone 4. I was devastated and it was certainly one of the lowest months of my life. I had to start all over and reacquire my most prized positions, in addition to several weeks of clothes and shoes. The tragic events surrounding January 4, 2011 threw off my entire year, delayed my law school application process, and seriously derailed my career plans.

I made several mistakes in not applying to more programs, not seeking out funding more aggressively, and not applying for full-time jobs in an expedient manner. Overall I was not efficient in my 6 month/1 year planning which resulted in quite frankly me being completely caught off guard in April when my employment contract was not renewed due to downsizing. I figured something would open up in another organization and it would be easy for me to find alternative employment in a few weeks. Why did I think that!?

Moving on Autopilot
So at a time when my professional and academic life was completely unstable and I was struggling to hold it together my personal life took an unexpected nose dive which resulted in me having to have a medical procedure done which left me in a tremendous amount of pain for weeks. I slowly crept into a deep depression and tried my best not to lose myself and my aspirations. All the while I kept most of my struggles to myself and a close group of tight knit confidantes. Many would not have the slightest idea of what I was going through. Fortunately for me the countless pain relieving pills that I was prescribed were not nearly effective enough. Thus becoming addicted was hardly an option, less I would have had one more problem to deal with this year.

New Phase in Professional Development
So I did the only thing I knew how to do. I kept it moving. I sent out hundreds of
resumes, emails, and facebook messages, went on countless interviews, and sought out my next full time job from March until August. I must have contacted every progressive advocacy/civil rights organization in the country. I was relentless and I was fiercely persistent. I even gathered a group of friends to begin discussing the possibility of writing a business plan to start a political consulting firm and clothing line.

Research Agenda
I continued my research on key civil rights issues, critical race theory, and criminal justice reform. Currently, I plan to conduct three research projects, continuing my research on Black public opinion on same-sex relationships, marriages, adoption rights and public displays of affection. Next I plan to start a new project comparing and contrasting racial justice legislation, the intent doctrine, and the progress of sexual orientation legal protections and civil rights legislation. Lastly, I am currently conducting research and contacting organizations and key stakeholders in hopes of developing a comprehensive criminal justice reform public awareness field campaign. The next step is to begin writing to foundations and finding funding to further develop my research projects, create surveys, and design my interview protocol and research designs.

Writing Projects
On another note, I am working on writing an inspirational memoir in hopes of getting a major publishing deal. I am excited to finally tell my story to the world. It will definitely be an upbeat novel kind of like this is what I know for sure at 24. There will be a lot of spiritual undertones but it will mostly trace the major moments of my life growing up in the South, learning that I was Black and gay and all that came with that self actualization, dealing with the emotional turmoil of my parents divorce and my strained relationship with my father, our financial hardship and living in a homeless shelter, triumphing over my early struggles in my teen years and ending around going on to UC Merced and UCLA to become the first person in my family to finish college and graduate school.

There will be a lot of political undertones as well, as I aim to describe my worldview and the underlying factors that contributed to my life trajectory and map out my plans for my future endeavors and what I hope to accomplish in Washington, D.C. over the course of the next few years. I will try not to make it a sob story but there will definitely be some low points like when I contemplated suicide and almost dropped out of college. I am also working on a fictional novel which will be a love story inspired by my last major relationship and will encourage readers to trust love, to follow your heart, and fight for the ones you care about through thick and thin. I'm hoping it will give readers a sense of the dynamics affecting gay black relationships today in the vein of E.Lynn Harris but with my own unique twist.

Enter Entrepreneurship
So I'm trying to balance all of these projects in addition to finalizing my business proposal to start my own political consulting business without the help of a personal or research assistant. I am extremely excited to get this business off the ground though as I have wanted to start a business since college but am just now getting the confidence to make it happen! I definitely think there's a huge need for the services I plan to provide in the non profit, political, and public sector to small grassroots organizations, large non profits, community based foundations, advocacy groups, think tanks, other political consulting and fundraising firms, elected officials, and local, state, and federal campaigns.

Mi Reflejo
At this downturn in my life I think it's important to reflect on all of the major successes that I have had in California over the past 6 years as I make my transition back to the East Coast. Often time I forget to appreciate how blessed I am and truly express gratitude for all of the love and support I receive.

UC MERCED (Go Bobcats!)
I am most proud of my decision to attend the University of California's newest campus in Merced as a member of the first Inaugural Class of students. It was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be involved in the opening of a new 21st century research institution, to shape student life, design student culture, and implement policy. I met some of the most amazing people who I still consider my closest friends to this day.

AASA
I had the opportunity to help start several student organizations, the newspaper, and the student government in addition to spearheading community service efforts, and lobbying for the needs of our students and university in the state and federal capitals. But most importantly, I had the privilege and honor to co-found the African American Student Association, the first campus based student organization on campus and the first organization to specifically cater to the African American student body. It was a huge undertaking and one that has defined the direction of my career.

1st Lady MICHELLE OBAMA
The culmination of my undergraduate career was my work with the Dear Michelle Campaign, a grassroots advocacy group that incorporated both the campus and community in successfully recruiting First Lady Michelle Obama to deliver the keynote address at our commencement ceremony. Her visit to our campus was flawlessly orchestrated and a refreshening moment in the history of a town that has been depressed for far too long. And of course she was so pleasant and gracious to meet in person and gave one of the most inspirational speeches in my life. I still listen to it when I'm feeling down in the dumps.

UCLA
Although I still question my decision to go straight to graduate school after undergrad without a break, I never question my decision to go to UCLA. My Bruin experience was life changing. I went to UCLA for an education but I got so much more. I got life long friendships, football game traditions, student experiences, mentoring, a research agenda, employment experiences, life lessons, advising, counseling, partying, and so much fun! At UCLA I truly became myself. I learned more about myself between the ages of 22-24 then I've learned my whole life. I lived alone for the first time ever. I learned how to navigate a major city and its resources by myself. I practically decorated an entire studio apartment by myself. I established new ties and solidified old ones. UCLA was definitely a life changing experience for me and led me to my first exposure into community organizing.

JORDAN/RUSTIN COALITION
While doing research for my master's thesis research project on marriage equality for same-sex couples in the Los Angeles African American community I stumbled upon a small community based non profit organization called the Barbara Jordan Bayard Rustin Coalition. My experience with JRC changed the trajectory of my professional development. It would be difficult for me to put into words all the my 1.5 years with them has meant to me. But I will say that I will never be the same organizer. I will never be the same Rodney. It gave me confidence to stand in truth. To speak truth to power. And to recognize that I bring something valuable to the table that deserves a place in the market place. That deserves recognition and demands respect. It taught me to be proud. But most importantly it taught me to be humble. To pay respect to those that came before me.

To accept that I don't have all the answers. That if I did, it wouldn't take a movement to achieve our social goals. To understand that organizing takes WORK. It's hard. It's stressful. It's incremental. But it's the most gratifying work on the planet. I would do it all day everyday even if it was for free...and I have been for many years and will continue to! It taught me how to truly understand our democratic system and the various processes that are necessary for it to work properly. But most importantly it exposed me to national network of like minded people who truly care about social change and have dedicated their lives to achieving it.

DC
JRC sponsored my first professional trip to Washington DC to attend the Congressional Black Caucus' Annual Legislative Conference and to serve as a representative California delegate to the first annual National Black Justice Coalition Out on the Hill Black LGBT Leadership Summit. Of course it was a tremendous honor but most importantly I had the opportunity to connect with major DC players in the LGBT and racial justice movement which led to my new role as NBJC Senior Fellow.

I will now be working on program coordination for the 2nd annual summit and couldn't be more excited! It is so inspiring to watch God work in my life and utilize my skills and talents right where they are needed most. I don't always understand why things happen the way they do, why I make the mistakes I do, why things don't always play out in my immediate favor, but that is not for me to understand.

LOVE LIFE...?

Lately my ex has been on my mind and heart quite frequently and I have not been able to shake an unrelenting desire to communicate with him, to hear his voice, to hear his laugh, and to see him smile. I guess Beyonce's new CD 4 has hit me too close to home as many of the songs remind me of him and the love we shared, specifically I Miss You, Best Thing I Never Had, and 1+1. I don't exactly know why but I feel compelled to speak to him. I guess I want to start with a formal apology to him over how I treated him in the past. It has been 2 years since we broke up and honestly I feel terrible for how our relationship and the surrounding events transpired. It has taken me such a long time to process everything that happened between us because of the remarkable impact he had on my life.

In hindsight, I realize the errors of many of my ways and the wisdom, compassion, and love that he imparted upon me. It really isn't helpful for me to make excuses or try to justify being dishonest in our relationship. This was unacceptable behavior and he did not deserve it under any circumstances. I am so thankful to have known him, to have been inspired by him, to have loved him, and to have had the opportunity to
be in a relationship with him. Whether he chooses to believe it or not I did love him and honestly I probably always will. He was my first love and our time together was priceless, and some of the best days of my life throughout the good and bad. I often think of the fond moments and memories we had and it brings a tear to my ear the way in which it ended. I truly do wish him the best in all of his endeavors.

He is an exceptionally, unique, brilliant, beautiful person and it is unfortunate that he had to endure my drama in a period in my life in which I was naive, stubborn, emotionally unstable, in a period of self-discovery, and reckless. I am so sorry we never had the opportunity to formally find closing and mend fences. I hope that he is well and in good spirits and that one day soon we might be able to come to some amicable resolution that is beneficial for the both us. I will never forget him and the amazing memories we shared. I have and will always have love for him.

MY NETWORK
About a month after graduation I made the decision to move out to DC, if only for the summer, to explore potential full time employment prospects, maybe intern on the hill, volunteer for a campaign, go on some interviews, make some part time money to send back to my roomy in LA, and figure out if I could really get plugged into the DC political circuit. I left LA with $200 bucks in my pocket, my backpack, a duffel bag, and the clothes on my back and 36 days later I've made it happen. It's an inspiring story and one that I look forward to sharing but it has not been without struggle. I've had to endure various trials and tribulations, most notably finding someone who was willing to take me in, as I made the difficult transition from West back to East.

But thankfully I have made the most lasting and sustaining friendships over the years that I have truly been blessed by the kindness and hospitality that I have encountered on the East Coast. I made lists of all of the amazing people that I know and I was blown away by the magnitude of the connections that I've made since I've been out on my own, in the so called real world. My network is deep and substantial and I know that where ever I may choose to venture or where ever God may lead me next...I will be ok because I was here I am here and I will be here. I'm not going ANYWHERE! AND I truly believe that he has a plan for me and my life. And I can't wait to watch it unfold!

Mi futuro

So where do I go from here:

Deeply in debt and still not seeing the money come pouring in, in a time of deep recession and uncertainty? I'm honestly not sure. I know that I have an immediate need to eat, to get around, especially to and from my fellowship, and thats about it. Those are all of my immediate necessities. And it's something refreshing about knowing that those are the only the things I need to sustain myself. Everything else
will get taken care of in due time. It's something empowering about knowing that you are not a slave to your circumstances.

They are merely that....circumstances. They don't define you nor do they dictate your fate. You are in control of them! So I've been putting in applications and inquiries for part-time jobs to help pay down the debts so my full-time gig can help support me! Sounds about right huh? And as I work to dig myself out of the ditch that I DUG FOR MYSELF I'm also going to be winding up my entrepreneurial spirit and getting it ready to change the course of my professional future. Which leads me to the following lists of must dos!

Things I have got to improve: FINANCES, FRIENDSHIPS, FAMILY RELATIONSHIPS, SPIRITUALITY, EXERCISE, COMPUTER/WEB SKILLS, RESEARCH SKILLS, WRITING SKILLS, CRITICAL THINKING/LOGICAL/ANALYTICAL THINKING SKILLS, FOREIGN LANGUAGE/SIGN LANGUAGE SKILLS, QUANTITATIVE SKILLS, INT'L AFFAIRS/FOREIGN POLICY KNOWLEDGE, ENTREPRENEURIAL SKILLS

I will be on an intense 6 month programs to ensure that those skills mentioned above get the needed attention they warrant. They will make me a more productive addition to the labor market but most importantly a more well rounded person. And in closing...

Things I want to do: become a yoga instructor, learn to paint, offer saxophone lessons, take piano and guitar lessons, learn to kick box and dance, learn to surf, volunteer at an underprivileged school, mentor young boys and men, write songs/poetry for my mixtape, take professional photos, build my own website, launch my company, finish my book by the end of next year, publish an article in a scholarly journal, take a calculus/statistics course, and restart my journey to locs!

I'm proud to announce that the last one on the list has already been completed! But the rest of the items are still pending and will certainly make me a better person. They will provide my right brain an outlet to express the inner creativity and innovation that is desperately seeking an escape. They will allow the pisces in me to swim around freely in this beautiful planet and truly be free. And I couldn't think of a better time to finally get a taste of freedom. Wouldn't you agree?

Experienced Community Organizer and Public Speaker Seeks Bookings for Fall 2011

2011-07-18T02:15:00.000-07:00

As an experienced student and community organizer, consultant, life coach, orator, public servant, and aspiring civil rights attorney, I understand my unique responsibility to advocate for the fundamental human rights of all people. Combined with my research interests in the intersections of race, class, gender, sexual orientation and the ways in which they interact in law and policy, I have strived to utilize my work as a means to effect practical change on campus and in the community through service, internships, field organizing, and presentations at various conferences around the nation. Educated in diverse public institutions throughout my entire academic career, I have expertise in ethnic and racial justice, socio-economic issues, gender and sexual orientation issues, public policy, American history and politics, public opinion and messaging, and youth and popular culture. My specialities are in 19th, 20th, and 21st century African American political thought and history, specifically with regards to public opinion on gender and sexuality.

BOOKINGS:

Lectures, Inspiration/Motivational Public Speaking, Conferences, Life Coaching, Workshops, Training Sessions, Event Hosting, Private & Public Event Appearances, etc.
RKNJ310@GMAIL.com

Please note that there are Travel & Hotel accomodation costs included, aside from the set Appearance fees.

In your Email, please include the DETAILS regarding your event…
Including the specific Date(s), Time(s) and Location of the activity, as well as the type of media and/or forum that is being used to promote the event. Will my name, photo, or likeness be used on any flyers or other promotional materials?

Also, please include a direct Contact Name and Number, as so your message can be replied to immediately. The TITLE of your Email should read, ‘BOOKING’ in the Subject area.

RKNJ: An American Revolutionary in the Making: Am I a Romantic on a Mission or Doomed to FAIL?

2011-06-02T00:22:00.000-07:00

RKNJ: An American Revolutionary in the Making: Am I a Romantic on a Mission or Doomed to FAIL?: "As a single guy in my twenties, relationships aren't always the first thing on my mind. Am I wrong for wanting to finish my education, est..."

Am I a Romantic on a Mission or Doomed to FAIL?

2011-06-01T22:31:00.000-07:00

As a single guy in my twenties, relationships aren't always the first thing on my mind. Am I wrong for wanting to finish my education, establish my career, travel, and figure out what I want out of life before I commit myself to someone else? Can you do both at the same time? Is it possible to be a hopeless romantic on a mission? Or am I doomed to relationship failure? Many of my female friends are in their mid to late twenties and seem obsessed with settling down, finding a husband, getting married, having kids and the whole lot. I find myself often thinking are they rushing life or am I living it so slowly? When my parents were my age they already had two kids, a house, and a dog. The same thing goes for my brother. And my oldest sister we won't even discuss. Sometimes I wonder if I'll be the last one in my family to settle down, or if even want to settle down.

You would think living in a beautiful city like sunny LA the last couple of years I would have been on tons of dates with great guys but honestly that has simply not been the case. I've met tons of attractive men but most of them simply did not excite me. Maybe my standards are too high? Or maybe I'm just not aesthetically pleasing to the LA gay dating populace? LOL! Yeah right! Who am I kidding? I'm sickening! LOL! Nevertheless, my romantic life in LA has left me with an incredibly bitter aftertaste about men, life, love, sex, dating, and romance which is partially why I am so ready to move up North or back to the East Coast to change up my dating options. I used to believe in love. I don't know when I became so cynical, so cold, so cut off. Am I destined for love or doomed for failure?

My girlfriends and I often spend countless hours analyzing our love lives, reflecting on the good times and the not so good. Telling our horror stories. Laughing at our antics. Reliving the past. The good times and the not so good. What did we do wrong? What could we have done better? If we had it to do all over again would we change anything? Is romance even possible in the age of online dating, skype, twitter, facebook, sexting, and text messages? The 21st century technology boom has presented those of us who prefer traditional dating rituals that include adam4adam, okcupid and grindr, with a host of challenges. No longer is it as simple as meeting someone at the grocery store or bookstore, going to dinner, the museum,and waiting for him to call. Technology has complicated relationships to no end.

Furthermore, it has made it impossible to truly focus on getting to know someone. Trust, communication, fidelity, intimacy, and honesty seem to be foreign concepts to my generation. Single Ladies, a new show on VH1 produced by Queen Latifah actually generated some interesting discussion topics. In a planet of 6.5 billion or so people is it realistic to think that we each have a soulmate? The ancient Greeks believed that the gods created us in two and split us apart so we spend our entire lives searching for the other half. Christianity teaches us that God made woman out of man. What does that mean for gays? Do we have another half somewhere on the other side of the planet somewhere or are we doomed to a life searching for something that simply doesn't exist?

It's interesting that for those of us who grow up in homes with anything but perfect role models of the nuclear, patriarchal American family that is exactly what we search for and seek to replicate in our own lives. I suppose we can blame the media and especially the idiot tube for that, which is why I force myself to turn off the television for at least 3-4 hours a day and read or write, or do something more constructive with my time. Nevertheless, I continue to be the perpetual optimist in search of that Maxwell kinda, Jill Scott, Erykah Badu, India Arie, Anthony Hamilton kinda love. In search of someone to complete me, to love me flaws and all, and to be my everything. I dream of love all over me, a family with 2 or 3 kids, dogs, a 3 car garage, to own a 5 or 6 bedroom home in a safe, suburban neighborhood with a minivan, a pool, a tennis court, and a basketball court. And of course I would need my housekeeper, landscaper, and nanny. I still dream of my little piece of the American dream. The question is when will I wake up? And when I do will I be happy with what I see?

As I sit in my room with a host of work, applications, and reading to do I wonder...is he out there? Is he waiting for me at my next job, my next assignment, my next project? Will I find him in law school? At the firm, a conference, at the airport, abroad? Have I already found him?;-) If so, what will the future foretell for us? Today was the last day of my last year as a graduate student at UCLA. It was bittersweet. As I prepare to turn in my last assignment, get ready for graduation, and earn my Master's Degree I pause and take in all that this moment has been. All that it has meant to me. I wonder what awaits me this summer 2011, in the real world. Which direction will my life take over the course of the next few years? There's still so much that I want to see and do and learn in my twenties: travel abroad, learn a foreign language, volunteer in an impoverished community, teach, take a road trip across country, backpack through Europe. Climb the Aztec ruins, see the Niagara Falls, Mount Everest, the Sahara Desert, the Amazon Rainforest, work in a law firm under a lawyer, work in DC for Congress, get into law school, start my dreads AGAIN, write a book, start my own business and non-profit, save some money, and get out of debt!

I have 6 years to accomplish it all! It's crazy that 6 years ago, with just the clothes on my back, I packed up my life in two suitcases, got on that plane, and left home for the first time in my life to go to college at UC Merced. I still remember all the crazy memories like it was yesterday! Adjusting to life in the California countryside, living in the beautiful dorms for the first time, my first apartment, buying my first car, renting my first summer home, renting my first house in a beautiful neighborhood, interning in Sac and DC, and taking that crazy drive throughout the Grapevine to move to LA (the big city)for grad school! My dad and I were stranded in the dark with all my possessions, for 3 hours in the middle of the night! It was so scary!! I was young, scared, naive, ambitious, hopeful, and optimistic about what my life in California would be. Now 6 years later I am older, more confident, more mature, more fashionable, cultured, sophisticated, humbled, and still as ambitious, hopeful, and optimistic as ever! Here's to the next 6! I am ready for the world! I am ready for love! I am a romantic on a mission!

Love always,

RKNJ

~Rodney K. Nickens Jr.

Looking Forward, Moving Foward

2011-05-15T18:49:00.000-07:00

I know it's been awhile since I last posted but as I stand on the cusp of graduation I figured now would be a crucial time to reflect on the past few months as well as my 2 years in graduate school at UCLA. I just finished my comprehensive exams, aced my spanish language exam, filed my petition to advance to candidacy and my Master's degree is literally about to be awarded to me, after I finish these last two final papers of course. Although I recognize this is a tremendous accomplishment I can't help but feel bittersweet about the entire experience. I am certainly sad to be leaving UCLA as it feels as if it's only been a few weeks and the past 2 years have flown by. I am going to miss the beautiful campus, all of the events, football games, classes, Westwood, parking and the crazy traffic.

I am definitely going to miss my friends and professors and all of the amazing connections I've made. It is so unfortunate that I wasn't able to finish my thesis project, but 2 years is really not enough time and I needed resources that simply weren't there. Hopefully I'm able to get a research fellowship to complete it or I will just have to wait until I apply to PhD programs and use it as my dissertation. I am so appreciative for all that I've learned and how much I've grown. To think about how far I've come since I moved to LA and all that I've went through is amazing. Getting over my ex, adjusting to LA, finding a place to live, getting a job, making new friends, becoming a socialite, being on the radio for the first time, all of the publicity, and finding myself. I have grown so much as a person, a son, a brother, a friend, a scholar, a writer, a thinker, and a leader. I had to lose myself in someone else to find myself.

My sadness was only escalated when I received word that I was not accepted to attend UCLA or Harvard Law, and was wait listed at UC Irvine Law. I can not explain how crushing and heartbreaking this was to me. Although I know it's probably for the best, I was so sure that I would get in at one of those schools. I read an article from one of my idols, Anthony Solana that really inspired me. I even had to post it to my wall in my bedroom and save it to my hard drive.

He was so right in discussing the things that I did good and the things that I can work on to improve my chances of getting admitted in a future cycle. I know now that I NEED to get my life together, get some more work experience, apply early, and to 25 schools across the country, no exceptions. Honestly, I know that everything happens for a reason and the universe knows what it's doing. Despite this terrible economy, I need a break from school and I can certainly stand to improve not only my chances of being admitted, but my chances at securing a job after graduation and the amount of debt that I have when I'm finish with my education. Especially since I'm still considering applying to Master's Programs in Public Policy or Urban Planning and PhD programs in African-American Studies, Political Science, History, or Sociology as well as to Business School.

Bottom line, I need to enroll in another LSAT course, study intensively, take as many practice tests as necessary until I score in the 90th percentile or raise my score above 150. And my roommate made an excellent point in suggesting that I gain more work experience. Quite frankly, I am only 24 and there is still so much for me to learn, see, and do. Nevertheless, I am very excited and proud of myself for earning my Master's degree at 24. My mom, dad, and sisters will all be there to support me and I am excited to see everyone, catch up, take pictures, and spend quality time together.

Now looking back on this entire experience I am certain that there are things that I could have done better or different but I wouldn't change a thing. I feel smarter and stronger and more independent than I ever have and I am ready and anxious for life and all that awaits me. I know that I need to learn to be more creative, organized, focused, serious, disciplined, financially savvy, entrepreneurial, and methodical. These are all things that I can improve that will make me a better more responsible adult and citizen, as well as improve my resume and candidacy for law school and doctorate programs. I have learned so much from my colleagues and peers at UCLA and truly have made lasting connections that will last me a lifetime.

I am ready to enter the labor market and all of its possibilities and am a little overwhelmed with the new freedom that I am going to have not being confined to an academic program for the first time in my life. I am quite awed by all of the possible paths my life could take or all of the employment options that I could explore. So many have wondered what can you do with a degree in African-American Studies. I have explored options in education, law, government, politics, consulting, non-profits, business, and entertainment all over the country, in LA, Sac, DC, NYC, and the Bay Area. I have applied to over 30 jobs, sent out my resume to countless individuals for review, and am working on making key contacts at various organizations and institutions around the nation. I am thinking critically about what my next move will be and what I really want to do with the next few years of my life?

I've been thinking strategically about my career, what I want to accomplish, my research agenda, the life I want to build and who I want to spend it with. It's crazy that I'm only 24 yet have accomplished so much and still want to accomplish so much more. I have a 40 year plan and although I know as I continue to grow things will change, I will evolve, and of course God's plan for my life will unfold but me being the structured person that I am have to lay out some broad plans and goals for my life. I read my astrology forecast for this month and it looks very promising and so I am excited about looking forward, moving forward, and progress in my life.

I am going full force ahead and not looking back and I know the sky is the limit! I refuse to let setbacks or obstacles control my attitude or dictate my state of being. I know that I am in control of my life and God is in control of my destiny. I need to do some reading, praying, meditating, and become more focused and seriously begin preparing for my next project and transitioning into what my father calls...THE REAL WORLD! lol! Here we go! I hope that my life and this blog post can serve as inspiration to all of the young Black men and women gay and straight, out there who may be going through similar life trials. Please know that you are not alone. We will get through this and we will succeed because we are unstoppable!

Sincerely,

RKNJ

LOVE, PEACE, AND BLESSINGS

AND SO IT IS

AND SO IT HAS BEEN

AND SO IT WILL BE

Leading America Into the 21st Century

2010-11-17T03:07:00.001-08:00

Let's get one thing straight, the majority of the people in this country are not rich (over $250k/year. They are working class/poor and hard workers who make under 100k/year and have done everything they can to make this country's economy great. Yes there are poor that take advantage of the government but there are far more rich people who take advantage of the government and their workers and I think you are giving the upper class WAY to much credit. For goodness sakes they are the ones who led us into this economic disaster!!!

And the poor/working class/middle class or whatever you want to call it, are the ones who drive the economy by spending and consuming not the "rich." The rich/capitalist class in this country are primarily concerned with making more money, employing less workers, paying the smallest amount in taxes, and providing the lease amount of effort, not creating jobs. They send thousands of jobs overseas, open factories overseas, cut tax corners, etc. etc. etc. There are countess examples of this and I would encourage you to do a little more research in this field. They are THE LAST ones who need a tax break. They havent paid their fair share for decades and are the reason that are economy tanked.

The working class/poor are the ones who carry the burden of paying a disproportionate amount of taxes on their meager income. They in many cases have few to little assets and must support a family on a modest income with little government support, no living wage, no access to quality food, housing, safe schools, parks, hospitals, etc...Our entire conception of education, civic responsibility, work ethic, etc. is problematic b/c we are operating under the assumption that all people get educated/trained and pursue a profession to make money. Incorrect.

Historically only the rich and white could afford to send their children to college to become trained for a profession. Today that has changed but not drastically. For many poor youth particularly poor youth of color in this country and around the world college will never be an option due to a variety of socio-economic factors. Look into this. Nevetheless, we are not discussing professionals. We are discussing the wealthy those who make over $250k in this country. Those who are not paying their fair share thanks to our wonderful President GW Bush and have costed this country millions if not trillions on our deficit.

Honestly the government has been very compliant under the past administrations in letting big business wreck our economy and the industries/jobs of yesterday are gone and today we must rebuild a new economy on new green industries like solar and wind that will help us lead the world in a green globalized economy and reduce are global pollution. We must reinvest in our infrastructure, education, affordable housing (that means cracking down on banks who sold bad mortgage loans to people knowing that would not be able to pay them on those terms which is what really caused the housing bubble bust), health care, and technology, national railway system, and a green car industry.

We must do a better job regulating our insurance, credit, banking, and finance industries which will save us millions, end the political corruption, end the senseless war in Afghanistan that is not making us safe and will save us millions. These investments in our nation will make us safer, create new lasting jobs, improve our image around the world which in turn make terrorists less hostile towards us, close our deficits, improve our economy, get Americans working again, and help us to create new allies around the world. We must also make strategic investments and partnerships in Africa and Asia and other parts of the world that have been neglected by American foreign policy and focus on building strong economic interests there as well.

A brief analysis of where we are in the struggle for Black Liberation in America

2010-11-15T01:33:00.000-08:00

http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=522486303155

UCLA African-American Studies Graduate Student Reflections on the Senseless Murders of Mitrice Richardson and Oscar Grant

2010-08-13T05:40:00.000-07:00

On a day, when many in the LGBT community our celebrating the historic updates in the struggle for equal marriage rights I am saddened because today another young African-American life was senselessly cut short due to the negligence and callous misconduct of the California criminal justice system and law enforcement. During a historic election year in California, which features the 1st African-American female Democratic nominee for Attorney General, the highest law enforcement position in the state, Black youth are continuing to lose their lives due to a systematic failure in our criminal justice system to due its job without regard to racial bias.

For those not following these two cases closely, In the first hours of News Years Day, 2009, 22-year-old Oscar Grant was unarmed and lying facedown on a train platform when he was shot in the back by BART (Bay Area Rapid Transit) officer Johannes Mehserle. The incident was videotaped by many onlookers who posted the footage to youtube. (See the footage along with a report on Mehserle’s arrest here: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/01/14/oscar-grants-killer-bart-_n_157824.html.) Because of the visibility of the case and the ensuing public uproar in Oakland, Grant’s family has been able to achieve major victories, most notably the fact that Mehserle is the first police officer ever in the state of California to be charged with murder. Mehserle’s lawyer argued for a change of venue, and the case was moved to L.A. The Los Angeles jury then decided to acquit Johannes Mehserle of the more serious charges of second degree murder or voluntary manslaughter and found him guilty of the much less serious charge of involuntary manslaughter in the killing of Oscar Grant III.

Mitrice Richardson, a California State Fullerton graduate, disappeared from the Malibu-Lost Hills Sheriff’s Department on the early morning of September 17, 2009, after being released without her phone, purse or identification at 12:38 a.m. for being arrested and booked on two (2) citable offenses: attempting to defraud an innkeeper in Malibu and possession of less than an ounce of marijuana. Nearly 11 months later, after Mitrice’s suspicious disppearance, Los Angeles County Sheriff Lee Baca confirmed on Thursday August 12, 2010, that the skeletal remains discovered on Monday August 10, 2010 in Malibu Canyon were those of Mitrice Richardson.

These two cases disgust me and painfully remind me of our nation's ugly past of racism, racial terrorism, and the continued oppression of people of color in this country and around the world, and particularly of the unfortunate life circumstances for African-Americans who occupy the bottom of the American socio-economic system. As an African-American graduate student at one of the finest universities on the West Coast, and arguably in the world, I am reminded everyday how privileged I am to live in Westwood rent free, to attend university on full-fellowship, study this field and conduct groundbreaking research in an area near and dear to my heart, while fully pursuing my graduate education, building key relationships, and advancing in my professional career. But stories like this, which are still all to frequent, in 2010, when we have countless statewide, Black, elected officials in powerful positions, a Black U.S. Attorney General, and a Black President and First Family seemingly serving in our interests, remind me of the important work that still must be done to reform our state and national criminal justice policies, create more equity in our political, social and economic institutions, and continue to fight for social and economic justice.

I am deeply pained and saddened at the loss of these two young lives, because I know either of these individuals could have been me. They did not deserve to die nor did they need to. Their lives could have been saved had our law enforcement authorities acted humanely and used their power for the benefit of our society, not to its detriment. Tonight I shed tears for my Black brother and sister who lost their lives unnecessarily. My heart and prayers truly go out to the family and friends most affected by their lost.

It is cases like these which reaffirm in me my desire to become the best community organizer, civil rights lawyer, and public servant, that I can possibly be, so that I may continue to advocate and serve my community, the community that made me who I am today. We, as African-Americans have overcome so much to sit in the positions of privilege that we occupy today in all sectors of society, yet at every measure of social misery African-Americans are disproportionately over-represented and at every level of social success we are disproportionately underrepresented. It is a sad fact that so many of our brothers and sisters are either modern-day slaves in our prison-industrial complex, or suffering from the direct consequences and legacy of slavery, racial terrorism, segregation, racial genocide, anti-blackness, and government and political corruption. We need to look no further than our neighbors in Haiti to see the pain and suffering that still reeks havoc on our people throughout the African Diaspora.

As long as I have breath and life in me I will continue to fight my hardest against racism, homophobia, sexism, injustice, inequality, and all forms of discrimination. I truly believe that this is what I was put on this earth to do. I look up to my ancestors and the great civil and human rights giants upon whose shoulders I stand on today. I know that without their tremendous sacrifices I would not be where I am. I pray for our country that one day we may heal our racial wounds and learn to treat each other fairly and live up to the great ideals that this nation was founded upon. I pray for our world that we may solve the pressing issues affecting our globalized society with the greater good for all humanity at heart. I pray for my family and friends that they may continue to support me and encourage me on this journey of public service that I have endeavored upon. Lastly, I pray that I may continue to have the heart, passion, strength, and courage to be the leader that I know I was born to be and to truly advocate for the advancement of my people.

Rest In Peace Oscar and Mitrice and all of my fallen brothers and sisters lost to police brutality and callousness, I vow to you that your deaths will not have been in vain.

Sincerely,

RKNJ

Try Sleeping With A Broken Heart

2010-06-19T12:48:00.001-07:00

By Rodney K. Nickens Jr.

Preface

I just want to put it out there that this is my first stab at fictional writing. Although I do consider myself a writer I am still getting the hang out it and finding my voice. I was feeling inspired by my fellow gay bloggers and life events to be artistic and writing has always been cathartic and deeply therapeutic for me and so there you have it. Summer break has always been my favorite time of the year to do all of the things that I didn't have time to do during the school year. This is a love story and it's loosely based off of some of the events in my life but mostly fictional. In real life there aren't always happy endings but this is what I know for sure... you got to keep it moving and get it together! It's still a work in progress but I hope you enjoy!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The first time I met him I knew that it was love. I had never met someone in all of my 35 years that made me feel the way he did. He excited me. I couldn't stop thinking about him. I dreamed about him. I imagined what our lives would be like together. Would we have beautiful, intelligent kids, adorable dogs, a big, spacious house in the Hollywood Hills overlooking all of Los Angeles? Would we be ridiculously fabulous and happy? How would he adapt to my crazy schedule between the long hours at the firm, taking time off to promote my books and research, giving lectures at the university, making guest appearances on television and radio, and giving speeches at political events across the country? How would he cope with the extreme demands on my time traveling the world, living bicoastal, being up at all hours of the night and attending countless fundraisers, benefits, mixers, parties, and social events? How would he react to the long hours I spent with my assistant, publicist, stylist, agent, and manager? Could he adjust to my insane lifestyle? Would he understand that this was my destiny? Would he understand that this was what I was called to do? Would he support me as I continued to build my political career? Would he love me for me or my money and celebrity and image? Would that be fair to him?

It had been 6 months since I had broken up with my ex and my heart was still healing from all of the energy and time that I had invested in him. He was my everything. I gave him all of me. I found myself in him and it was the best 3 years and the worst 3 years of my life. He was my first love and I was so naive. I made so many mistakes and so did he. We were young and restless and we didn't really know who we were. I could not understand how someone who I loved so much at one point in time could cause me so much pain. We started out so perfectly. He was 3 years older than me and an artist and I was a junior in college.

When I first met him I thought that we would just be friends. He was cute but not really my type. I actually asked him out on a dare. He had been commissioned by my college admissions office to do some paintings that would be hung all along the east corridor. My best friend Courtney and I were walking in the Commons one day and we saw him. He definitely stood out because of his eclectic and funky style. Courtney bet me $20 to ask him to come to her party that night. I didn't particularly want to do it but I never lost bets so I did it. I thought that he would say no and then life would go on as usual but to my surprise he said yes.

Later that night my friends and I were getting wasted, partying, and having the times of our lives and in walks Jeremy Gatsy. Now that he was here I had to entertain him. I couldn't just ignore him. That would be rude. So I walked over to him and introduced him to all of my friends and then we had small talk. About an hour later he said he was tired and was going to head home. I told him that I had fun and hope he did too and we agreed to hang out later that week.

4 weeks later we had hung out every night. Not only was he incredibly talented, fashionable, and funny, but he was also brilliant. He was the perfect guy. He had it all. He came from a great family in Southern California. His dad was a State Senator and his mom was the Executive Director for a major non-profit. He went to Princeton and Yale and got his M.A. in English Literature and then decided that he really wanted to be an artist.

I still remember the first time we made love. It was magical. We both agreed to get to know each other first before rushing our relationship. We waited 3 months and it was the hardest thing I've ever had to do but it was so worth it. The first year and a half was paradise. He was everything I ever wanted. He spoiled me. He showered me with gifts, took me on expensive trips, bought me everything I wanted, and treated me like a prince. He worshipped the ground that I walked on. But then the fighting started. The jealousy set in. And then he hit me. First he pushed me. And one night he got so angry at me for something, I don't remember exactly what it was now. We were shouting at each other and then he punched me. He promised me that he would never do it again. We cried together. We prayed together. We agreed to go to counseling together.

Things got better. But then I met Jackson through my individual counseling session. He helped me get through the experience and shared his experiences with me. He listened to me and I could talk to him to about anything. I really came to appreciate his friendship. One day I worked up the nerve to introduce him to Jeremy. At first they seemed to be getting along great but then I could that Jeremy was getting annoyed by how well Jackson and I got along. We decided to go to a show together. I hoped that we could all be friends and that Jackson could help Jeremy and me improve our relationship through his past experiences with domestic violence. I really wanted to work it out with Jeremy but secretly I could feel Jackson pulling me away from him.

When we got home that night Jeremy grabbed me by my neck and pushed me against the wall and told me to never talk to Jackson again. I told him that he couldn't control me and that I was entitled to be friends with whoever I wanted and that it wasn't fair for him to decide who I could and couldn't hang out with. I reassured him that Jackson and I were just friends and that he understood me and helped me get through a lot of personal issues that I had worked out in therapy. He didn't believe me. He was convinced that I was sleeping with Jackson and swore that if I ever hung out with him again he would kill himself and make it look like I did it. That night we cried more than we ever had cried before and I told him that it was best if we had some time apart. He kissed me begged me to give him another chance, that he was trying to work on it. But I had, had enough.

6 months later....

I thought I would never love again. That was until I met him. Ivan Simpson was the last guy I thought I would meet at yet another boring book conference. He was young, about 5 years younger than me, but he was gorgeous. He had the most amazing smile and his eyes would light up an entire room. He had an incredible frame, I could see through the form fitted dress shirt that he had broad shoulders, nice muscles, and tight, washboard abs. He was the definition of perfection.

I has just finished my second book and was on yet another tour to promote it and discuss my research and the findings that I had made. As I was finishing up my presentation this young, attractive brother came up to me as I was packing up my MacBook pro. He looked extremely well-groomed and polished and it was obvious that he was sharp and had everything going for himself.

"I really enjoyed your presentation Dr. Nixon. Your book is absolutely amazing. It's changed my life!"

"Thank you so much! You are really too kind. Please call me Ricky. What's your name?"

"Hi Ricky, I'm Ivan Simpson. I'm a 2L at USC Law. I've been following your work since I was in undergrad. You are incredible. And I love your talks. They're so vibrant and engaging!"

"Haha! Thank you for the kind words Ivan. Oh, interesting, I graduated from UCLA Law about 5 years ago."

"Haha! I guess we're rivals then."

"Yeah I guess so! Haha, Where are you from?"

"I grew up in Beverly Hills. What about you?"

"New York. I did my undergrad at Cal.

We continued having small talk for the next 20 minutes and I completely missed my next workshop. When I was talking to him it seemed like we were the only people in the world. He was all that mattered. I couldn't take my eyes off of him. I never wanted this moment to end. He made me feel again. My entire body was exhilarated by his presence. We talked about my book more and how I came to write it. He shared with me his thoughts on the topic and what he hoped to do after law school. We talked about our plans for the summer and some restaurants and gay bars that we loved in the area. It was clear that we were both very interested in each other but neither one of us wanted to make the first move. Then I glanced at my watch and realized that I was ridiculously late and probably had a room full of people angrily waiting for me to get my ass there and start my presentation.

"It was great talking to you Ivan! I'm glad you enjoyed the book. But I gotta run. Have another presentation. Please take my card and feel free to send me an email sometime and let me know your thoughts on my future work. Maybe we can grab coffee or something and chat about it. Take care!"

"You too Ricky. Yeah that sounds great. Enjoy the rest of the conference."

I wished I would have been more forward, I wished he would have been. Why couldn't I tell him that I thought he was amazing and that we should have dinner. What would have been so hard about that? Why couldn't he just grab me and kiss me and tell me that I was everything that he had been looking for? There was so much chemistry between us I knew that we would be together one day. I just didn't know when. What would I have to do to let him know that I was interested? Would he ever make a move? Was he intimidated by my age and position? Would he email me? Would I ever see him again? I couldn't leave this to chance. I had to do something. I had to see him again.

Will I Ever Find True Love?

2010-05-30T00:01:00.001-07:00

Lately I've been seriously contemplating what I want out of a relationship. Having been single now for almost 7 months I am consciously grappling with what it means to be single, young, black, and gay in Los Angeles, CA. I've had quite a bit of time to devote much thought to what qualities I would look for in a partner and what qualities I would want to improve in myself. I realize that I am a very independent, assertive, take charge type of person and that can prove difficult in a relationship. I like things a certain way and I live my life by my own rules. I've also realized that, that is not something that I am willing to change at this point in my life. I know that it would be nice to have a boyfriend but at this point it seems like that is very unlikely. I realized tonight that I have very high expectations much like Chili, from TLC. Perhaps I am also using my own mental "list" to internally prevent myself from being vulnerable and falling for someone, imperfections and all.

Honestly I don't know how I feel about my relationship history. I know that I'm glad to have my freedom and I love the person that I've rediscovered as a result of not being committed to anyone but I don't know if I learned what I was supposed to learn from my past relationships and all the mistakes that I made. This I know for sure, I am not interested in letting someone into my personal, private life whom I don't feel appreciates me and treats me with the utmost respect, adoration, and attention. I am in no way shape or form interested in building someone's ego nor am I interested in someone building mine. That notwithstanding I deserve a guy who loves me for me and isn't afraid to show it in every way imaginable. I deserve to be excited to wake up and talk to him. I deserve to think about someone constantly and go out of my way to make him feel special. And I deserve all of that in return. Honestly, I feel like there are so many issues that I have to deal with before I am mentally in the head space to open my heart and mind to another person.

Thus, I've turned to my research to keep me busy. I love what I'm studying and I love the work that I'm doing with the Jordan Rustin Coalition. I am further developing my research interests to seriously investigate and anaylze public expressions of Black gay sexuality and masculinity in political activism and how it relates to challenging homophobia in Black communities. I am learning so much every single day and I'm surprised that most of the most important lessons I'm learning aren't about Black gay men, they're about everyone else: non-black gay people, immigrants, religious people, white people, trans people, and elderly people. Since I've moved to LA I've met some fascinating people, I've taken some mind-blowing graduate seminars, especially my Women's Studies course: Queer of Color Genealogies, Theories and Practices with Dr. Maylei Blackwell, presented at conferences, traveled, wrote papers, volunteered, canvassed, and partied. I've also participated in some groundbreaking and historic conferences and workshops, met some of the most inspiring community leaders and activists, politicians (GO KAMALA HARRIS), and everyday working people who truly push me and motivate me to keep learning and keep striving to be the change I hope to see in the world.

I am thoroughly excited for Summer 2010 and all that it entails. I look forward to LA PRIDE in the hopes that it will be a much better experience than my Long Beach Pride experience. I can't wait for the performances, especially. Also Black Pride should be exciting especially once I get my cute little speedo, although I have no idea where or what kind I'm going to get! I desperately need to get my ass back in the Wooden Center (God bless his soul) and get my fitness back together. I've seriously not had the time all quarter! I am so glad to be done with classes for the year! Now if only I could hurry up and finish these final papers, I can move on to the next! Spanish, LSAT, and thesis!

I hope you enjoy my Spring photoshoot! I'm feeling like summer is going to be FABULOUS!

Doublekisses!

RKNJ

Rodney Nickens: Young, Brilliant, Bold, Black

2010-05-02T21:23:00.000-07:00

Rodney K. Nickens, Jr., is originally from Portsmouth, Virginia. He is a graduate student at UCLA in African-American Studies and works as a community organizer for the Jordan Rustin Coalition, a South Los Angeles-based community non-profit political organization. He is a single gay man and loving it! Rodney is a true Beyonce fan who also has Chris Brown programmed into his iPod. He is often seen sporting skinny jeans, V-necks and rainbow flip-flops. He doesn’t have a name for the style. We might call it “urban eclectic.” Rodney recognizes his parents as the most influential people in his life and expresses his gratitude for their support. He is very much visible and active on the scene when he is not in the books. He seems to manage a very full schedule making it look easy to those of us watching.

Without hesitation, Rodney calls out marriage equality, ending Don’t Ask Don’t Tell, and passing the Employment Non-Discrimination Act at the top of the list of issues for the Black LGBT community. “With national legal acceptance and recognition of our couples, families, and workers will hopefully come greater equality in society and reductions in homophobia and bigotry aimed at the LGBT community,” he says. “I do this work because I am passionate about social justice and believe that discrimination is wrong and a threat to our democracy and to my future.”“I stand on the shoulders of civil rights giants, like Bayard Rustin, Barbara Jordan, James Baldwin and Audre Lorde who fought and died so that I could be where I am today,” he adds. Rodney’s smile lights up the many rooms where he shows up as the activist. He also smiles from within at the powerful moments that life affords him. “I am moved when I see the look of hope on children’s faces. I know that I have a responsibility to make the world a better place for them,” says Rodney. “My word to younger people would be to never lose faith in yourself! Never stop dreaming and work hard at everything you want in life and you can achieve it!"

*Article originally appeared in the Message In the Meantime Men's "I Am" Spring/Summer 2010 Pride Edition Publication*

Learning Life Lessons the Hard Way

2010-04-19T02:43:00.001-07:00

I'm seriously irritated right now because my printer is for some unknown reason is not printing and I need to print several things for my job and my busy weekend. This week has in a word sucked! Not only did I mysteriously get sick but I was still recovering from losing my Louis Vuitton wallet and Valessa's cell. The spring quarter has definitely gotten off to a rocky start. My birthday month went great so I guess the universe had to balance itself out. I had an unfortunate blast from the past a few weeks back which definitely tested my patience but luckily I prevailed. Also I got into a huge argument with my sister which was particularly upsetting especially considering everything going with her engagement and what not. It seems like all of the people around are going through so much and I guess I am too. I had an interesting conversation with two of my friends over margaritas at Baja Cantina in Venice Beach. It was a very refreshing conversation and I definitely learned something about myself that I had never really given serious thought. It definitely helped me to put some things in perspective in terms of my social life. I am becoming so content with myself and where I am in my life right now and it's about time.

These past 6 months have been difficult, not the most difficult in my life but certainly a very trying time for me. I have adjusted to my new life in Los Angeles and I am loving it. I am truly independent, taking care of my self, handling business, and living my life like it's golden! I am so blessed and fortunate and I want more than anything to be of service to my Black LGBTQ Community. Graduate school at UCLA is going well. I made all A's finally which was a huge accomplishment for me. I got an award from the Afro-Am dept. which covers my fees and so financially I am in a good place. Most of my bills are paid and now essentially all I have to do is handle the rent, my car, my iPhone and pay off my credit cards. My research is going well. I am really interested in finding ways to politically empower Black communities around issues of sexuality and identifying ways to challenge heterosexism, homophobia, and rigid perceptions of masculinity in Black spaces. Is this a project that can actually be done? Would it take place over the course of several years, decades? Is it a project that can be accomplished in my lifetime? There are so many unanswered questions that Black people need to seriously address in order to improve the quality of life for Black LGBTQ youth and create safer schools, neighborhoods, communities.

It pains my heart watching the news and hearing about Black LGBTQ youth being bullied, killed, and committing suicide because they simply cannot handle the homophobia that they experience daily in their lives. I am so fortunate in that yes I was bullied because of my sexuality, but I was so strong and was able to overcome it, ignore my haters, and push forward with pride. I never allowed anyone to put me down and shake my confidence in myself and I owe it all to my parents who believed in me more than I believed in myself. It's unfortunate that not many Black LGBTQ youth have such supportive parents who truly care about them and their well-being and accept them and love them regardless of their beliefs about the "homosexual lifestyle" so to speak.

I am so thankful to have a great job which is going very well. I love working in the non-profit/political world and I am meeting some of the most amazing people in this state, leaders that have truly inspired me and the kind of public servant I want to be. My parents really don't understand what I'm doing which is kinda frustrating but I have to understand where they're coming from and just accept them for who they are. My studies are making me become more and more radical and ambivalent to our country and the direction that we are going in. The Tea Party Movements, Sarah Palin, Michael Steele, the Religious Right, etc.; it's just all very depressing and dishearterning. There is still so much hatred in our society for people who aren't white, Anglo-Saxon, Protestant, straight, and male and I honestly don't know if we will ever move past that.

I thought that having a Black President would make people reevaluate their racist beliefs and practices but it has only infuriated them and emboldened them. I am so fearful for what may happen and I just have to remain prayerful and optimistic and hope for the best. Hopefully President Obama is able to make significant changes in his term and I am committed to getting him reelected. I am also very proud of First Lady Michelle Obama and all that she has accomplished thus far. She is really making a name for herself and building an impressive resume in the process! I wonder who will run against Obama in 2012. This is going to a very interesting Presidential Election! I am excited for this summer. I'll be officially done with my first year of grad school at UCLA, I managed to snag a free LSAT course with this new test prep company called Knewton, and I'm planning to register for a Spanish class to brush up on my Espanol.

I took some HOT pictures which I hope you all will enjoy. My apartment is turning into a beautiful oasis of my individuality and I will post pictures of that as well. I'm making plans to take my first trip abroad this summer. I am planning to go to Europe for 7 days and 6 nights and I am very excited. Hopefully I will have time to tour France, the United Kingdom, and Italy. I am very excited for my trip to the Meditterannean next year as well. I need to plan a trip back home to Virginia as well. My hand is started to hurt so this will have to be all for now! Love you all!

P.S. Check out my cool new pictures from Zenobia's 23rd b-day celebration at the LA Shooting Range, with the first openly gay Speaker of the California Assembly, and more of my Spring Photo shoot! I think it's time for me to do an alter ego photo shoot! What should my alter ego be?

Double Kisses!!

RKNJ

INTRODUCING RKNJ The BLACK LGBTQ Community Organizer EXTRAORDINAIRE!

2010-03-09T00:28:00.000-08:00

So for those of you who don't know... please copy and paste the following links in your browser and check it out!

http://www.carippleeffect.org/2010/01/introducing-jordanrustin-coalitions-new.html

http://campaign.constantcontact.com/render?v=001E6oef0cghO-jyWMZH6axXcxosoWy8sNhYmkF48rviXlxbb335FZtUDTV6YX5sGdCSWhCx-TdwsXjf9klosJXjWwejdF0hgcNPFZfSkCroMObC_I7BQEjpA%3D%3D

AND

www.jordanrustin.org

And of course add us on facebook and twitter!

OMG it's one day before MY 23rd BIRTHDAY and I am SUPER STOKED!! Sorry I haven't updated in awhile but I really have been UNBELIEVABLY busy this last couple of weeks with school, work, and you know my LIFE! But anyhow I had to quickly share a few some things with you that I think are amazing!

http://buckmire.blogspot.com/2010/03/jrc-celebrates-dc-and-mexico-city.html

As the title suggests the purpose of my blog is to provide the world with my commentary on LAW, SOCIAL JUSTICE, HUMAN RIGHTS, CIVIL RIGHTS & LIBERTIES, EQUALITY, FREEDOM, POLITICS, & INTERNATIONAL RELATIONS FROM A PROGRESSIVE GAY AFRICAN-AMERICAN MALE PERSPECTIVE therefore, following in the line of greatness...I have joined President Obama and a host of other great leaders in the tradition of community organizing for social change. LOL!! Ok I'm just kidding I'm not REALLY that narcissitic. But seriously I'm really stoked about the work I'm doing with the JordAN/RusTIN Coalition, L.A.'s premiere Black LGBTQ non-profit political organization working on social justice issues affecting the Black Queer Community in South L.A. Couple with my research at UCLA in the Afro-Am grad program I am well on my way to becoming the resident expert on all issues gay and Black and I'm loving it. As an organizer I attend several community meetings and towne halls a week and one group that I have been privy to is the emerging Black LGBT Network which I will share with you lovely people. It's inspiring work! GET INTO IT!!

The Los Angeles Black LGBT Network a wrap around Black LGBT Group/ Think Tank is purposed to bring together Black LGBT individuals and organizations on a monthly/ bi-monthly basis to network and strategize on ways that we will build a stronger support base to defend and fuel the varied interest of the Black LGBT constituency in Los Angeles.

Faciliated by Siri Sat Nam, MA, MFT, Ph.D

1. Establish a Black LGBT Community Center; a Space where culture, art, history, health, education, empowerment, and activism can take place for Black LGBT people. This center will also help to identify specific needs, while identifying appropriate resources and services.

2. Develop a comprehensive strategy to engage the Black LGBT community around the issue of Marriage Equality.

3. Develop a strategy to address the State budget cuts to HIV/AIDS Prevention funding and how we might better educate and empower Black people about HIV/AIDS.

4. Develop a strategy to improve and increase services for Black LGBT youth. Develop a strategy and influence resources to address youth homelessness through already existing services while identifying needed services specifically for youth. There is a need to address concerns around age limits and limited services in Los Angeles County specifically for youth 25 to 29 years of age.

5. Develop strategies that will influence the educational outcomes for Black LGBT youth and improving access to institution of higher learning.

6. Develop a support network that links Black LGBT parents in Los Angeles County.

7. Develop a strategy that will focus on building political capitol and visibility among elected officials, local churches, and other Black organizations and institutions to include SCLC, NAACP, Urban League, etc.

8. Develop a Black PFLAG that will engage Black LGBT people and those who support us.

9. Helping to build and support our pride and become active in the conference series and opening reception. How can we also provide financial support?

10. Develop a strategy to secure funding for the Black LGBT Network.

11. Develop a strategy and identify existing and needed mental health services sensitive and knowledgeable of Black LGBT issues.

12. Develop a strategy that will help build trust among other Black LGBT people while focusing on the education and bridging the generational and gender gaps that exist within the Black LGBT community to be inclusive of our transgender sisters and brothers.

Season's Greetings from Yours Truly

2009-12-26T22:12:00.000-08:00

Happy Holidays to you and yours! Anyone who knows me will know that the holiday season is my favorite time of the year despite the fact that growing up, my family did not participate in celebrating the holiday. My family history is a storied mix of sometimes celebrating Christmas, Kwanzaa, and most of the time not celebrating either so for me personally I never have truly had the opportunity to go all out nor have I really had the desire. Nevertheless, I get so delighted listening to the music, watching the films, admiring the decorations, and seeing the joy people get from purchasing gifts and receiving gifts from the ones that the love. Despite the obvious factual contradiction that exists between the Christmas holiday and the actual happenings of the Bible and the story of the birth of Jesus I find this time of year to be one of the most inspiring for me. For one I love Mid Winter Break because it gives me the opportunity to reflect on the previous year and plan for the New Year.

And I love catching up with family! This holiday season my father and I went up to the San Francisco Bay Area to spend the Holiday with my Aunt, Uncle, cousins and families in Hayward, CA. It was a fantastic trip and although I had to listen to a series of lectures from my dad, uncle, and various others, it was well worth it to catch up with cousins, hang out, drink, talk, and play the piano (one of my many joys!) Although I had to return the alto saxophone that my uncle lent to me in 1999 when I was still in middle school I was not sad because I know that sooner than later I will be available to purchase my own as well as my own keyboard. My goal for the New Year is to truly make time for me and all the things that I want to do. And that means getting back into my music, exercising regularly at the gym, going jogging, hiking up Runyon Canyon, and going to the sand dunes in Manhattan Beach. 2010 is truly going to be a year of triumph for me as I focus and hone in on my many goals and aspirations and rid my self of needless distractions in terms of the people that I surround myself with.

Next, I am proud to announce that I was officially offered the position of community organizer with the Jordan/Rustin CoalitioN, a LGBT civil rights organization created in response to the lack of outreach to African Americans in the campaign against Proposition 22, the anti-gay marriage initiative in 2000, and the realization in 2005 that another such initiative was imminent. The group was envisioned to engage the African-American community to work on marriage equality while building a movement of LGBT African Americans and allies who are committed to grassroots organizing. A coterie of committed black LGBT activists realized that in order to truly speak with and for our community, it was important to have an entity independent from already-established local, national and state LGBT organizations. In Summer 2006, Ron Buckmire, Dannie Tillman, Vincent Jones and Rodney McKenzie coined the name of the organization and began organizing and executing activities to achieve its mission. The mission of the Barbara Jordan / Bayard Rustin Coalition (Jordan Rustin Coalition or JRC) is to empower Black same-gender loving, lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender individuals and families in Greater Los Angeles, to promote equal marriage rights and to advocate for fair treatment of everyone without regard to race, sexual orientation and gender identity or expression.

As the sole paid staff person for JRC, my job will be partially administrative duties as well as doing grassroots organizing in the African-American communities of Los Angeles. I will develop a field plan which will allow for the identification, training, and empowering of local LGBT and non-LGBT volunteer activists. I will also oversee the day-to-day administrative requirements of the JRC office and work with coalition partners on existing field organizing structures (i.e. the Vote for Equality Canvassing Program). I will plan and host community events on behalf of JRC, identify potential LGBT and non-LGBT coalition partners, coordinate and manage JRC’s foundation-funded initiatives and activities. I will also be in charge of making monthly reports to the Board of Directors indicating progress and assisting in all phases of the grant application process including researching grant opportunities, grant writing, and reporting to funders.

So as I'm sure you can tell, I am very excited about this amazing opportunity to continue the work that I've been doing at the UC Center Sacramento as well as at UCLA and take it to a higher level. I am honored and humbled to have been offered a position of this magnitude and will do my best to ensure that I represent JRC in the utmost manner. 2010 will be an exceptional year and I am excited for what lies ahead of me. I will continue to strive to do my best in whatever I do and will remain committed to the principles, morals, and values that have led me to where I am today. This year I know that I will grow spiritually, physically, intellectually, and morally and I embrace that growth full on. God is truly blessing me and I wish all of my readers and fellow bloggers the very best! 2 decades down and counting. I look forward to what this decade will bring me. 2010-2020 I will turn 25, and then 30, begin and end law school, enter my profession, purchase my first home, luxury vehicle (BMW, Mercedes Benz, Lexus, or Acura), travel abroad (Western Europe, the Mediterranean, and South Africa/Ghana), write my first book, and hopefully change the world! Best wishes everyone for a happy and prosperous New Year!

Sincerely,

RKNJ

In the spirit of the holiday season I thought I'd share 12 moments of my magical year with you all! Enjoy!

New Beginnings

2009-12-12T22:54:00.000-08:00

Wow....what a crazy 10 weeks. My first quarter as a graduate student at UCLA is officially over and all I can say to sum up the past 10 weeks of my life is wow. So many emotions, so many experiences, good and bad, a break up, a broken heart, a fall from grace. It's crazy how in an instance your life can completely change. I supposed I should be used to it by now with all that I have been through in my life but the one thing that my 22 years on this earth has taught me is that change is constant. Nothing stays the same. I survived my first quarter as a graduate student amazingly and although my grades are not yet released I am not nervous. I know I did the best I could under my circumstances. Adjusting to this new city was an overwhelming task at times and there were moments when I felt like I wouldn't make it. That coupled with the tumultuous end to a relationship was all that I could bare during the first half of the quarter. Luckily the incredible support system that I've built over the past 4 years was here when I needed it and surprising friends from the past helped me more than they could ever know.

These past 10 weeks were defined by close encounters with law enforcement, foreshadowings of what my future could be, financial constraints, and new beginnings. Being newly single in a new city has certainly allowed me to grow and learn things about myself that I never knew. The process of rediscovery has been revitalizing and has awakened in me the spirit of a champion. My studies has inspired me beyond belief and I have found myself engaging in heated discussions over the concepts which I have grappled with which will in turn compose the essence of what will hopefully be my master thesis. So as an african american studies graduate student I have proposed a possible course of research analyzing gay black activism in Los Angeles in the aftermath. I am already in talks with several grassroots organizations, In the Meantime, Equality California, Courage Campaign, and The Jordan Rustin Coalition in hopes of exploring the depth of the activities underway in light of the passage of Proposition 8, the hateful ballot measure that single handedly stripped lesbians and gay men of the right to get married in California.

A lot of has also happened in popular culture that has had a profound effect on me. Tiger Woods was engulfed in the unlikeliest scandals, my idol Chris Brown released his controversial 3rd album in light of his domestic issues with pop superstar Rihanna, my childhood diva Whitney Houston cemented a phenomenal comeback, media mogul Oprah Winfrey announced she would be ending her dynasty on daytime television, I met my internet obsession Brian Scott aka Lovebscott, and President Barack Obama was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize. As I type the President's orders to send 30,000 troops to Afghanistan are underway as well as his plans for universal healthcare. This is a historic time in our country. These are amazing times that I have the opportunity to live in and in my own little way I know that I am preparing to change the world. My generation will change the world.

Honing in on my own personal experiences, graduate school forced me to take on a part time job at Macy's in addition to my stint with the Grad Student Association and I am interviewing for another position as well. This recession has certainly hit my pockets and put a halt on many of plans as did a series of speeding and parking tickets, and unexpected medical bills that my insurance unfortunately did not cover! Overall, I have settled into my life in LA rather well with the support and love of my family and friends. I have made amazing connections already in my first quarter with students in the Afro Am program, Public Health School, and Law School and I am continuously seeking out additional networking opportunities to make a name for myself and be of service in any way that I can. My immediate goals are to secure a part-time job that will fulfill my career interests and financial obligations, obtain an internship of some sort in either the legal field or the political field, to continue to contact and interview more individuals for my research, continue reading and researching my thesis topic, to continue to meet with more law professors in hopes of obtaining additional advice and words of wisdom regarding my academic and professional pursuits, and lastly to continue to grow as a scholar, a leader, a public speaker, but most importantly as a human being.

My biggest hope is that I truly grow in my humanity and fight not to lose sight of why I am in graduate school, why I am pursuing law and public service, and why I most continue to fight for the things that I believe in. My goals for the summer are to relax... hopefully in Europe, to volunteer for some type of non-profit involving youth, and to catch up on as much reading as possible. I am intent on not letting graduate school stress me out and give me grey hair! I am going to live my life to the fullest, I know that I am going to make mistakes, but I'm finally understanding that, that's okay. I'm in my twenties and that is what I am supposed to do. However, I am learning from them and I am becoming wiser and more responsible as a result. I think at this point in my life a relationship is not what I need. I need to be free to learn who RODNEY really is and that is okay. The most exciting part is that I know when I figure it all out there will truly be no stopping me. I'm so excited for what the future holds for me. This is just the beginning....

~~~RKNJ
xoxoxooxox

Closing the Chapter on My Sacramento Summer Experience

2009-08-26T11:20:00.000-07:00

Let me first start my acknowledging the life and passing of a true American hero, Senator Edward Kennedy. God bless his family in this difficult time. The United States has certainly lost a great American. It seems that this has been the summer of death as last month we lost another great American icon, Michael Jackson. Nevertheless, my experience in Sacramento this summer has been both underwhelming and overwhelming all at once. When I first arrived I certainly wasn't sure what to expect. This town felt so foreign to me! It seemed like I was going back in time and for the first few weeks I definitely felt like I was. But that quickly changed especially after I started my second job at Grassroots Campaign, Inc., working on behalf of Equality California to overturn California's Proposition 8 which took away the freedom to marry for gay and lesbian couples. After I accepted this position my summer quickly changed. I begin meeting all kinds of interesting people, got my into my research on Prop 8 and begin to learn more about Sacramento. I definitely had quickly arrived to judgment of this town which I often do not only to towns but to people as well. That is definitely one of the flaws that I have that I would like to change, and believe me there are many.

So my internship at the District Attorney's office went well. Although it wasn't exactly what I had expected, it was an experience and I did get to meet some interesting people and get my name out there. The UCCS well thats another story. So with the budget cuts affects every sector of California, and most certainly education, the UCCS is one of the inevitable victims. It is looking like it is likely to have most if not all of its state funding cut which would likely end in the programs demise which is certainly unfortunate but a bit predictable. I am not alone in my criticism of the Sacramento internship program and I am sure that those in charge of it know what went wrong. So with that said the highlight of my summer was not my the internship component, it was my work on Proposition 8. I also enjoyed my frequent trips to the Bay Area to hang out with my family, visit my friends, and enjoy the City.

As I reflect on my summer and look forward to the next journey that lies ahead for me I must admit that it is bittersweet. When I first arrived in Sacramento I could not wait to leave and now I find myself wishing that it was possible for me to stay just a little longer. Although I am very excited to start graduate school at UCLA I can't help feeling like I started something in Sacramento that is not quite finished. And even though I still don't know what my purpose in Sac was I definitely feel like I was here for a reason. I am one of those people who believes that nothing happens by chance and that everything happens for a distinct reason. I know that one day I will look back on the summer before UCLA and understand the reason why I was put here.

I am so glad that I had the opportunity to conduct research on Proposition 8. It is crazy how when you ask God for something he gives it to you because I was certainly asking him to send me a legal issue to study and it is apparent that I found one. I am so proud of the research that I conducted and I will be certain to post links to both my UCCS 8 Prop research paper and my UCM Black Panthers undergraduate senior thesis. I am excited to conduct graduate research on these issues and to continue to important work of black studies. There is soo much misinformation out there being perpetuated by the media. My hope is that I will be able to filter through the garbage to find something of value.

As I move forward in the next chapter of my life I am excited to begin this new journey. Graduate school is certainly going to be a challenge for me but it is one that I am more than ready to meet. I have a lot to prove, to myself, my family, my peers, and unexpectedly to Jonathan. I have to show that I belong and that I deserve to be there. And then I have to excel. I also have to began making preparations for the next major phase in my life... applying to law school. It is more than likely that once I am accepted to UCLA law and receive a favorable financial aid package I will stay on. I am becoming more and more comfortable spending my life and building my career in Southern California.

With regards to my family, it is unfortunate that after going through so much in our past we are still going through the it even to this today. I truly hope that everything works out for my parents as well as my siblings and that they are able to piece together their lives. Once I finish my education, it is definitely one of my goals to help in anyway that I can. Also in keeping with my desire to give back to others and demonstrate my commitment to humanitarianism and philanthropy I am going to be on the look out for charitable organization doing work that I would like to be apart of. I definitely want to increase my community service hours and get more involved in non-profit work.

National and Global Same-Sex Marriage Movement

2009-08-21T11:24:00.000-07:00

Another important aspect of this policy is legal precedent, both in California and in other states, as well as in other countries. As it is my belief that eventually the federal government will have to address this issue either through federal legislation or a constitutional amendment, it is important to recognize how other governments are responding. According to an article by Paula Ettlebrick entitled, “Global Warming to Gay Rights,” in a reader from UCLA Professor Stuart Biegel’s LGBT Studies class despite the passage of Proposition 8 in California, several countries and states have legalized same sex marriage and provided the opportunities that civil marriage affords to all couples. As of today the Netherlands, Belgium, Canada, Spain, South Africa, Sweden, are Norway now the handful of nations that have legalized same-sex marriage and provided gay couples with equal economic benefits, legal rights, and social status. Additionally, many states and countries are being forced to recognize same-sex marriages performed in other states and countries.

One such case occurred in Israel, when five Israeli couples married in Canada and the Israeli Supreme Court ruled that legally the government must recognize these marriages as valid. Additionally, many other countries such as Denmark, Iceland, Finland, France, Germany, Portugal, Hungary, Czech Slovakia, Slovenia, Croatia either provide civil union, registered partnerships, or have extended some type of economic or legal benefits to same-sex couples. Several other countries are also moving in that direction. Here in the United States Massachusetts, Maine, Vermont, Iowa, and Connecticut, and New Hampshire are the pioneering states that have recognized same-sex marriage and several other states are pushing forward with legislation to either recognize same-sex marriages performed in others states, or provide some type of economic or social benefits to gay and lesbian couples.

As of July 2009 same-sex marriage has been legalized in six states, and those marriages performed in other jurisdictions have also been recognized in New York, Rhode Island, and D.C. Six other states plus D.C. currently have in place some form of civil union or domestic partnership option available for same-sex couples. Despite the current status of Proposition 8, approximately 18,000 same-sex couples continue to remain legally married in California and 18 states now offer benefits for same-sex partners of state employees.

The Debate on Homosexuality and Same-Sex Marriage

2009-08-20T11:23:00.000-07:00

This is a debate between my cousin and I. Get into it!

Jolette
August 14 at 9:10am
Roddie, I read your message on your wall. First, I want to tell you that I love you and I always will. Second, I want to tell you, and u may already know this...God hurts the most when His children are in sin. NO MATTER WHAT THE SIN MAY BE! He has made us to do His will His way! I know you know the word. Sodom and Gomorrah were distroyed. God was not pleased with their behavior. Sin is a dishonor to God, a spit in His face no matter what the sin it is. Sin leads to death. Please don't let the enemy continue to deceive you and keep you from the destiny God has ordained for your life. I encourage you that if you are going to be an advocate for anything or stand up for anything, why not stand up for what is right in the sight of the Lord? Do you desire His will for your life? I know you are grown and this is your life but think about how God feels if you can't think about anyone else. Think about what is happening to your spirit and soul. Where would you go if you died today(your spirit)? God made you for His purpose not the world's. We are to live in this world and not partake in the things of this world(that contradict His word). I can not call myself a child of God and not tell you what thus saith the Lord. The question is will you receive it or not. God bless you! I pray God's will for your life. I hope you seek Him diligently so that you are able to discern the right path to take! One last thing, when I was doing things the way of the world, I paid a heavy price for it! I thank God for His grace and mercy to still receive me back to Him. I have never looked back after being delivered from my sin!

Rodney Kendell Nickens Jr.
August 14 at 1:12pm
Hey Jo,
Thanks for your message. I appreciate you checking out my wall, links, and status updates. It is clear that we seem to disagree on interpretations of the word of God and that is totally fine. I definitely understand your opinion, although I have a different one. I will continue to advocate and stand up for what I believe God has called me to do. I believe in equality for everyone regardless of one's religion or interpretation of religion. The great thing about this country is that we are all free to believe what we want to believe, free to speak those beliefs, and free to pursue our own version of life, liberty, and happiness. People are dying everyday because other people are projecting their OPINIONS and BELIEFS onto them and I will not stand for that.

See below for a blog that I wrote on my website. I hope you understand my perspective and respect my beliefs as well.
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So with that said let me begin my commentary. For much of my life I was raised in a traditional Southern Christian family with core middle-class values that many Americans will probably relate to. We went to church every Sunday and Bible Study on Wednesdays. With regard to this issue, I was always taught in church and in my family that homosexuality was immoral. The children in my neighborhood and at school, the hip-hop music that we listened to, the media in general, and just about everyone else also reaffirmed this. I say all of this to preface my personal beliefs and to let it be known that I do understand where those beliefs are rooted and derived. However, through my personal experiences, as a student of History and through my studies I have come to understand that the issue of same-sex marriage is larger than religious beliefs, personal values, or moral teachings. It's quite simply an issue of equality.

Although as an African American I strongly respect what my elders did during the Civil Rights Movement as well as what my ancestors did throughout the history of this nation, and as such must acknowledge the distinct differences between that and the Gay Rights Movement, I must draw comparisons between them because the causes of each movement are rooted in the same spirit of hate. For much of the history of this country, gays and lesbians have been violently persecuted for simply being different and whether you believe this was a choice or not, violent persecution is wrong. Gay bashing, hate crimes, derogatory slurs, family nonacceptance, religious excommunication, denial of basic rights, and the list goes on and on are un-American. They are the true threats to this democracy and threats to our values. This to me spells out terrorism, discrimination, injustice, and inequality, all day and all night and if you do not see it then you need to put on some glasses or something!

Before we are gay or straight, whether you believe you chose to be either or not, we are human, we are Americans, and in the United States of America, the law of the land, which as I understand it to be, is our United States Constitution, interpreted by the Supreme Court. It is explicitly spelled out in clear English that we are all created equal with unalienable rights, to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. Those who advocate same-sex marriage are not advocating that their actions be tolerated by the majority. Quite frankly if you do not agree with same-sex marriages then it would be in your best interest not to get one. This issue has nothing to do with whether or not folks approve of the "actions, lifestyles, etc." of the LGBT community. That is of the least of concern. This issue is about liberty and justice for all.

The laws of this country must apply to everyone equally, not just gays, lesbians, and trans-gendered people, but women, those with special needs, and other minorities and the same thing applies to the issue of marriage. Martin Luther King Jr. said it best when he said that "injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere." People have to understand this if nothing else. Bottom line this issue is about fear and division. Many Americans are fearful of these times and they have every right to be. Our country is headed in the wrong direction in just about ever conceivable way possible.

Nevertheless, the answer is NOT to become further divided over issues of relatively little or no importance. Same-sex marriage is not the same as polygamy, or underage marriage, or any other ADULT relationship and does not seek to replace "traditional marriage." It is not about the best interests of children either! Many children are raised by single parents, AND GET THIS...gay parents too, and even no parents at all and turn out fine. Same-sex parents that can provide a loving, stable home for children should not and cannot be denied this BASIC RIGHT. This would do more harm to children than anything.

Lastly, same-sex marriage will not and cannot undermine anyone's values. Everyone can and will still have their beliefs, and regardless of what those are, it is not the place of the government or the law to take sides. The law must protect and recognize everyone in the same way. We have to come together and treat each other with compassion and respect regardless of our values. We cannot continue to demonize each other and expect that we can solve bigger issues like global poverty, world hunger, and social injustice.

Our society is changing and evolving and becoming more diverse like societies tend to do. We are a nation of many people and we are nation of ideals and values that cannot be sacrificed regardless of our religious foundation. It is time to progress and the Obama Administration will signal in a new era of tolerance and hope. It is imperative that we all get on board.

Please people educate yourselves on the issues. Research a variety of viewpoints and perspectives and try to learn the facts about this issue. It is so sad that this measure passed barely due to deception and shady marketing techniques. I truly hope that Californians and Americans in general wake up and truly began to arm themselves with knowledge and leverage their power. God bless America.

RKNJ

For the full blog and more please check out my blog at www.rodneynickens.blogspot.com

Jolette
August 14 at 10:10pm
Roddy, this is not an opinion. The enemy wants you to believe this. Where in GOD's word does HE tell you it is ok for same sex marriages? Either you believe the word of GOD to be true and not just a belief/opinion or you don't. GOD loves everyone. HE does not want us mistreating each other, hating each other or sinning. Men shouldn't marry men. Women shouldn't marry women. Men and women should not have sex unless they are married. Married people should not commit adultry. Thou shall not kill or steal or coveted. The list goes on. None of these sins are ordained of GOD. Wrong is wrong and right is right. Don't get it twisted. Equality is a privilege that GOD permits, just like life is, if HE permits. If a group of people are going to suffer then they are at the mercy and hand of GOD. They need HIM to deliver them. Remember the Israelites? They were delivered out of Egypt by GOD's mercy (they gained rights). They forgot about how GOD delivered them and suffered even more in the wilderness (they lost rights). People's hearts must turn to GOD. People want equality for their views they have(in general), well, the word of GOD says, "SEEK YE FIRST THE KINGDOM OF HEAVEN and IT'S RIGHTEOUSNESS and ALL THESE OTHER THINGS(like equality) WILL BE ADDED UNTO YOU". Rod you are well educated in what you believe; so was Paul in persecuting the Christians. Education nor logic can explain how GOD or HIS miracles work. Paul believed that what he was doing what was right as well(read about Paul if you haven't already). His education had nothing to do with him following the word of GOD( his education was used to fulfill his purpose later on). When he turned his heart to GOD, those which he used to support and advocate for, persecuted him. When we as people are mistreated but our lives are in line with the word of GOD, HE has our back and HIS word says that HE will make our ememies at peace with us. Education is wonderful and is a privilege but nothing going on now or in history is larger than GOD. HE made this earth did HE not? HE also made the people. Satan creates walls to keep us from seeing the truth. Rod have you lost your fear in GOD? I am not saying that you should not stand for people's rights. But these rights you are standing up for, do they offend GOD?? Only GOD"S HOLY SPIRIT can help you see and descern what kind of things you should support. GOD has created this fight(advocacy) in you to win souls for HIM. The enemy is trying to use what GOD created in you( to help support/advocate people getting saved and delivered from their afflictions), to help people stay in sin. What does the word of GOD mean to you if you are ok with and support the things that contradict HIS word. Rod, this not a belief or an opinion. I've lived it and know HIS word to be true for myself. Yes, this is America, a place of free speech and to do what you please. But are you a follower of CHRIST or just an American? What does GOD instruct us Americans and any other nationalities to do if we say we love Him and desire HIS will?? HIS word says,"Llive in this world but be ye not of it". You are definitely consumed by this. Does the scripture in Romans(1:24-32) that Paul talked about mean anything to you? Is it just an opinion/belief that JESUS CHRIST is GOD's son, that HE walked this earth, and died for our sins? Or is it a fact? Everything that has happened in history was permitted by the LORD for HIS glory to be shown through these situations. HE does not want us to forget that HE is still GOD. HE wants our hearts and the things we stand for to reflect HIM and HIS holiness. Do you believe that it is holy for people to have same sex marriages? This is not about what is taught through man or history. This is about what GOD teaches and requires of us. Are you concerned about gays being saved, holy and acceptable to the LORD? If you say you are doing what GOD has called you to do, then that doesn't come without bringing souls to HIM, telling of HIS goodness, how much HE loves them, and desires them to be holy in HIS site. Roddy, I know for a fact that GOD did not tell you to support same sex marriage. This is something the enemy wants you to believe is right and tag equality on the end of it. In GOD's eyes, there is no equality for sin. The only EQUALlity sinners get is GOD's judgement. Sinners will EQUALly receive the same sentence as lucifer did. Sin EQUALs death. If GOD was ok with it, then HIS word wouldn't teach against it. Anyone that is in sin and is ok with it will suffer because GOD wants their hearts to desire Him more than the sin or life itself (any person or thing). Gays are so consumed with their rights and being mistreated that they have forgotten about their CREATOR. GOD didn't create man or woman to defile their bodies in anyway and think that they won't suffer for it. If you love the LORD thy GOD with all your heart, then you will keep HIS commandments. If you find it evil to do this, then you choose this day whom you serve. GOD is not in this. HE is holy. HE is righteous. HE still loves you Roddy and gays too. HE does not hate anyone. I've heard and seen the mean things going on towards gays. This kind of behavior does not reflect the love GOD has for people. It's not right. People that hate need the LORD to give them love(It was HIS last commandment) for everyone no matter what the person is doing. GOD is a GOD of love and is also a GOD of wrath. This nation(full of people that are doing and saying what they want) is under GOD's mercy right now, which will soon come to an end. Judgement is coming for everyone, even the people that bash others! HE will not continue to stand for anyone(no matter what gender, color, creed) disrespecting HIS word. Nor is HE going to stand for those who say they love HIM but their life does not reflect it. Roddy we don't always have the right examples set for us growing up. But once we are grown it is up to us to get to know GOD, understand His word, and live HIS word for ourselves. Be blessed!

Rodney Kendell Nickens Jr.
August 15 at 5:23pm
Jolette,
I love you and I appreciate your concern. Thank you and God Bless you.

RKNJ

Jolette
August 16 at 3:20pm
You too Roddy!

Rodney Kendell Nickens Jr.
August 18 at 2:47am
http://www.gaybygod.net/index.php?option=com_community&view=videos&task=video&userid=64&videoid=9&Itemid=62Pastor Joseph Tolton Responds to Gay Exorcism Video
Source: www.gaybygod.net

Jolette
August 18 at 12:26pm
Rod, I looked at both videos and was saddened by both.
GOD gives HIS disciples authority to "cast out" demons but sometimes our methods are a little unorthodoxed. We all may have phobias of something but GOD wants us to fear only HIM. No one is gay by GOD. It is just lust. GOD made us in HIS image but the lust of our hearts get us in trouble! Romans talks about lustful hearts and how God turns them over to their lusts, which ends in a reprobate mind. The word speaks about being gay( homosexual, lesbian, bisexual, or a transgendered) and same sex marriages. God does not hate you or anyone else! Anyone that tells you that, it is a lie from the devil!

Cast out demons(Matt. 10:1)
Jesus casts out demons( Luke 8:26-39)
Fear GOD( Matt.10:28, Prov.2:5; 9:10)
Made in GOD's image(Gen. 1:27)
Wicked hearts(Jer. 17:9)
Consequences from Lust in the heart(Rom. 1:18-32)
Homosexuality(Lev.18:22, Deu. 23:17-18, 1 Cor. 6:9-10, 1 Tim.1:8-10, Rom 1:27)
Marriage(Gen 2:24, Prov.18:22;19:14; Matt. 19:4-6)
God loves us(1 John 3:15,17,18; John 3:16; )
Love one another(Matt 22 :37)

Rodney Kendell Nickens Jr.
August 18 at 12:29pm
Thank you Jo for the scriptures and we can definitely agree on that. God does NOT hate anyone. What did you think of the website?

Jolette
August 18 at 1:10pm
God didn't make you or anyone else gay. We choose the paths we take. Just as we choose to: be wrong or right , to hate or to love, to sin or be righteous, to steal or not, to kill or let live, to serve satan or to serve GOD, to stand or sit, to be sad or to happy , to marry or to divorce, to have children or not, to overeat or eat in moderation, to speed or drive the speed limit, being quick to anger or to be humble , to apologize for hurting someone feelings or not, to hold grudges or to forgive, to dwell on the past/a certain subject or to just let it go, to choose our own way or God's way.

Rodney Kendell Nickens Jr.
August 18 at 1:12pm
Well if that's the case, then God didn't make you or anyone else straight either? When did you choose to be straight?

Rodney Kendell Nickens Jr.
August 18 at 1:19pm
Sweety why would someone choose to be a persecuted minority who many believe are damned to eternal hell? Does that make sense? Like seriously think about that. Being gay is no more a choice than being black or having brown eyes. We all have to deal with the cards we are dealt.

Jolette
August 18 at 2:24pm
God made us to follow HIS word. I choose to follow HIS word. So, yes I choice to be straight. I haven't choosen to be anything but straight. It is not a sin to be straight. It is a sin to go against God's word. I have choosen sin before. Ok, here's the thing. The enemy can make anyone think that what they are doing is right and that they won't go to hell. Only God"s word can set you free. If you have no conviction then you won't think you are wrong. Our skin color and the way our bodies are made, that is different. That is physical. What we do with our bodies and to our skin is our choice. Don't blame God for that.

Jolette
August 18 at 2:37pm
Rod, where in God's word does HE condone men with men and women with women? Or sin at that? Confusion is of the enemy.(1 Cor. 14:33) GOD gives us a peace that surpasses all understanding.(Phil. 4:7)

Rodney Kendell Nickens Jr.
August 18 at 3:04pm
Honey u have been listening 2 way 2 much Pat Robertson! No one lives their lives exactly according 2 any religious or religious doctrine. God loves us the way we are and understands that we fall short and make mistakes. I truly believe His love is unconditional. I don't spend my life stressing about what other ppl think or try 2 tell me how I should live. I love my life for my own happiness and 2 bring honor 2 those I love and 2 glorify God n the best way I can.

Jolette
August 19 at 9:11am
Rod, the last thing I want to do is tell you how to live your life. GOD knows that no one is perfect nor should we confess to be. I need the LORD in my life I am no one without HIM.(PS. 27:7-8) However, HE does expect us to seek HIM daily(pray), read HIS word and follow it.(Be ye doers of the word, and not hearers only...James 1:22) We all need a closer walk with the LORD. We can only achieve it by making special time for GOD. This involves shutting the world out for an amount of time. If we sin, we should be quick to repent and turn away from it. We aren't supposed stay in it once we've repented. We are not going to do everything right. But, GOD honors the heart that seeks HIS glory and righteousness over what the world deems as right.(There is a way which seemeth right unto a man.... Prov. 14:12) Rod, I will continue to pray for you and I wish God's best for you. Do not think that because we've had this conversation that I love you any less or would disown you. Love covers a multitude of sin.(1 Peter 4:8) Life is hard and no, it is not easy following GOD's word but not impossible. For HIS word says that ,"We can you all things through CHRIST that strenghtens us!" .(Philippians 4:13) I also pray for your heart. Any hurts or disappointments you 've gone through that have never been healed. Any damage that has come to your spirit, mind, soul and body, I speak healing IN THE NAME of JESUS. Forgive anyone that has hurt you or disappointed you. Bless those that dispitefully use you.(Matt. 4:44; Rom. 12:14) In JESUS name, Amen. You are welcome to talk to me anytime. If you would like to have a online bible study, I am open to that as well. Be Blessed and be safe!

Rodney Kendell Nickens Jr.
August 19 at 1:09pm
Did u get my email?

Jolette
August 19 at 1:42pm
Which one? The one with the 2 papers you wrote? I have it.

Jolette
August 19 at 7:00pm
Rod, would you please send your email again?

Rodney Kendell Nickens Jr.
August 19 at 11:50pm
Yeah sure!

Rodney Kendell Nickens Jr.
Today at 12:50am
Jolette, As you can probably tell, I am conducting research on the issue of same-sex marriage and it has come to my attention that not one time does Jesus Christ, himself mention sexuality or homosexuality for that matter.

Moreover, the Bible teaches that we are all children of God and that despite our differences we are all made to drink of one spirit (1 Corinthians 12:13) and if one member suffers, all members suffer with it; and if one member is honored, all the members rejoice with it (1 Corinthians 12:26).

There are various references to being gay in the Bible as you noted but many do not apply to the way we live today. Much of the Old Testament for instance is outdated as it was used to justify slavery and the disenfranchisement of women.

We must look at the Bible as a body of work in its totality. Its central message being love and inclusion, especially the love of God and love towards each other. The core of this message being to treat each other as we would want to be treated.

Just as God's love is all-encompassing we must strive to show that same love to gays and lesbians. Since straight couples have the freedom to marry each other, so must gay couples. Just because I don't approve of something, it doesn't give me the right to judge someone else because as you know it is God's place to render judgment.

Many gay couples live together around the country. There are gay couples that are loving, caring, and committed to each other and their families despite much discrimination and terrorism. As I'm sure you will agree, discrimination in any form is wrong. Our ancestors fought so hard against it. We must all come together to fight discrimination whenever ever it rises and we must all find it in our heart to support every couple that chooses to build a life together and start a family through the institution of civil marriage.

Love Always,

RKNJ

Please visit www.freedomtomarry.org for more information.

Freedom To Marry
Source: www.freedomtomarry.org
Freedom to Marry is the gay and non-gay partnership working to win marriage equality nationwide. We promote the national conversation about why marriage equality matters while bringing together partner organizations into a larger whole, a shared civil rights campaign.

Jolette
August 20, 2009 at 5:57pm
Rod, GOD(Hey that rhymes!) has placed in you excellence. You are an excellent writer and researcher! You will make a great Lawyer one day...a Lawyer of the gospel of the word of GOD( If you receive it). I do not think that you are a bad person because you believe what you believe. I do however, question that if you love the LORD thy GOD, then why don't you believe HIS word. The people who recorded the scriptures in the bible were annointed and appointed to do so. They recorded the good and bad things the people did; that we might learn from their mistakes. Either you believe GOD's word to be the truth in its entirety or you believe it to be merely a body of work with some truth .

There are many words we use now that were not used in the bible. However, there are terms in the bible for them. Homosexuals/gays were called sodomites in the bible. Just because the term gay/homosexual was not used in the word, does mean that the act itself is not a sin. Here are a few others: satanist are same as the children of belial in the bible; demons are the same as devils; gangsters/bandits are the same as thiefs; alcohol/liquor is the same as fermented wine/strong drink. All of these are contradictions to GOD. Everything we are faced with now may not be mentioned in there but one thing that holds true is that we are to "present our bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to HIM".... (Romans 12:1-2).

This nation as a whole and the world have become corrupt. Posioned by man's doctrine. GOD's word says, "Many are called but few are chosen"(Matt. 22:14). The people that are willing to stand up for God's word are few. The people that know HIS word and continue to compromise it, will eventually give up their rights to go to heaven. Blessed is the nation whose GOD is the LORD... Ps. 33:12; Ps. 37:9. There is no one in this world that is bigger than GOD. HE is sovereign! It doesn't matter how accomplished, famous, or rich we are. We all have many opinions but the only opinion that is valid, is GOD's!

People of the OT did not have JESUS, and some where killed on the spot for their sins! They had to sacrifice animals to be forgiven! In the NT, JESUS had one purpose and that was to die for our sins! Praise GOD HE did or no one on this earth would exist! JESUS also left HIS followers( of HIS time and of our time) the authority through HIS HOLY SPIRIT to righty divide the word of GOD(II Tim. 2:15)! If GOD was displeased with the behavior(sin) in the OT and NT; HE is certainly displeased with it now!
"And the Lord spake unto Moses, saying,"Lev. 20:1. Every scripture of this chapter that follows this line was spoken from God through Moses. "If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them( Lev. 20:13). The OT is old but not to be discredited. GOD's word does not change. "We The People..." are the ones who change. GOD has permitted things to happen back then as HE does now. Nothing is new under the sun. We don't live life quite like people did then but sin hasn't gone anywhere. Sin is still sin and death is still the end result for those who won't change their ways.

Rod, all of GOD's word has to take residence in your heart for you to receive HIS truth. Not just what you deem valuable.To sum it up, the bible is about GOD and HIS righteousness. We have to get to know HIM before we decide to flive our lives the way we please and expect HIM to be OK with it! We can't get to HIM unless we first accept JESUS as HIS son! As we get to know HIM better, then we understand HIS word in its entirety. Do you desire the love of a man and his ways(doctrine) more than the love of GOD and HIS ways? If you love GOD(with all your heart), then you desire HIS love and HIS ways over man's(or what you want too). In seeking HIS love you will find the truth!

Rodney Kendell Nickens Jr.
August 21, 2009 at 10:57am
Jolette, I would encourage you to keep learning about your faith: If you want some resources on faith and homosexuality, I suggest that you visit Soulforce (www.soulfource.org), or HRC’s “Religious Life” web area (www.hrc.org). In addition, you might want to read Bishop John Shelby Spong’s Rescuing the Bible from Fundamentalism: A Bishop Rethinks the Meaning of Scripture, or Dr. Daniel Helminiac’s What the Bible Says and Doesn’t Say About Homosexuality. It might help you to know that several faith traditions have embraced marriage for same-sex couples, and see nothing inconsistent between the dictates of their religion and the blessing of same-sex marriages.

These include: the United Church of Christ; American Baptist Churches; the Christian Church (Disciples of Christ); Quakers; Central Conference of American Rabbis (Reform Judaism); Ecumencial Catholic Church; Alliance for Jewish Renewal; The Reconstructionist Rabbinical Association (Reconstructionist
Judaism); Unitarian Universalist Association; Universal Fellowship of the Metropolitan Community Churches (MCC); Episcopal Church; Presbyterian Church (USA). Get informed about the distinction between civil marriage and religious marriage: Another point to consider is that many people of faith support civil marriage for same-sex couples even if their faith community reserves the sacrament of marriage for heterosexual couples. Indeed, many clergy have signed the Marriage Resolution, calling for civil marriage equality for same-sex couples.

RKNJ

Black In America from My Perspective

2009-07-23T02:03:00.000-07:00

Being Black in America for me has always been my greatest pride. From an early age my parents instilled in me a sense of pride in my culture and heritage and that translated directly into my self esteem, emotional development, and academic motivation. Today as a 22 year old African American male I can say that I still am proud to be Black in America. I am so honored to have attended the University of California at Merced for my undergraduate work and to have the opportunity to attend UCLA to complete graduate work. I was inspired to write this blog after watching Black in America 2 on CNN. Since I couldn't get to sleep I figured I may as well blog about my thoughts about life and what's going on in the world. This particular segment was so inspiring for me personally, especially seeing the Black and privileged section. I love how this documentary was designed and it was just so well done in that not only did it focus on needy children and what needs to be done to help them but also on the privileged children and what they are experiencing.

For me I have always felt like I straddled the fence in this regard. Having grown up privileged, experienced hardship, and now being fairly privileged once again. This series definitely motivates me to continue doing the positive things that I am doing and to strive even harder for the success that I know I deserve. These past few weeks have been particularly challenging for me especially with this heat wave that we have been experiencing in Sacramento. Finances are once again an issue for me as checks continue to fall short of expectations. Somehow I always manage to get by and I know that this summer is no exception. Nevertheless, my internship experience in Sac has been lackluster as this budget crisis has definitely dampened the environment. EVERYONE and I do mean EVERYONE is complaining about furloughs and budget cuts and losing their jobs, and having to downsize, and moving, and its just really depressing! I hope I don't sound like I'm complaining I mean I like my internship experience enough I guess. It's a great opportunity working in the District Attorney's office and studying California public policy in the State Capitol. And now I have YET another gig working with Grassroots Campaigns and Equality California to overturn Proposition 8 and put it back on the ballot which is what I'm conducting research on for my policy paper! How convenient huh!?

I guess what I'm most frustrated about is the boredom that I have with my life at the present moment. Currently I would prefer to be anywhere except where I am right now. LA, NYC, PARIS, or LONDON is where I would prefer to be. I know that in time I will be able to live the lifestyle that I deserve and that it is going to take time and that I'm still young and that I have to go through more schooling and gain more experience but the whole situation is just tiring and a great debacle! I'm just ready to be done with this whole summer experience and get on with my life. Start grad school, work on my master thesis, finish, apply to law school, go to law school, take the bar, and start practicing at a top law firm on Wall Street. Ugh that sounds like a long process huh! Regardless, I have about 2 months of summer left and I have a feeling its going to be the longest 2 months of my life which I am not entirely excited about. I WISH I was having more fun this summer and enjoying myself and meeting people who are going to help me get to where I want to go but I simply don't feel that I am at this point. I think Jonathan was right when he said that I never wanted to select this internship from the start and that I wanted to do the internship in Washington instead. I wonder how my summer would have turned out had I chosen to go back to Washington D.C. this summer. Well I guess I will never know because I did not go to DC I chose to go to Sac and God has a reason for me being here so I guess it's no point in my looking at hypotheticals.

To be continued...

Why do I want to go to law school after I finish my Master's?

2009-06-30T16:07:00.001-07:00

To many going to graduate school to obtain a Master's degree is the ultimate finality to a lifetime of educational and scholastic achievement. However, to me it's only a much needed detour to my ultimate educational destination, which of course is to obtain a Juris Doctor's degree. Growing up in Hampton Roads, VA to many, would have seemed like torture having not only to endure impoverished working class minority communities, ravished by crime, drugs, gang activity, and every obstacle one could forsee from stopping a young African-American male from ceizing the opportunity to succeed. For many years growing up for me was torture. Finding solace in my scholastic ambitions, forced me not only to come to terms with my social class but also with my race, gender and sexuality, and inherent desire to succeed despite them all. I believe this coupled with a strong family support system in the form of my parents and select teachers were some of the reasons that I did in fact manage to successfully graduate from high school with honors and go on to graduate from the University of California, Merced as a member of the inaugural graduating class.

However, for me being the first in my immediate family to graduate from a college or university was not nearly enough to satisfy my thirst for learning and my intellectual curiosity. I decided in my final year of my undergraduate education that I would forego applying to law school and instead apply to graduate programs in African-American Studies, Ethnic Studies, and Policy Policy and Administration. My intense interest in the political system and in how it relates to minority communities of color and especially African-Americans fueling my desire to further investigate and study race and public policy issues at the graduate level. After being accepted to every graduate program I applied to, I chose UCLA's graduate program in African-American Studies, a fitting choice considering my research and extracurricular background.

However, the purpose of this blog is to frame this in a way as to demonstrate why after all of this I am still committed to furthering my education by attending law school. Although there is much work to be done at the public policy level, work that I firmly intend on participating in as well, I believe law is the means to accomplish all ends. It is through the law that public policy can exist. It is my hope that through attending law school and excelling in my legal endeavors that my world and my understanding of the law can be opened to the possibilities that the legal profession can present. I hope that through joining the legal community not only will I help to continue to diversify a growing and dynamic segment of our society but will also work to actively and fruitly contribute to the spectacular work that is being done throughout the spectrum of the legal profession. Although my hope would be to specialize in critical race, civil rights, employment discrimination, human rights, corporate, government areas of the law, I know that throughout my career in the legal profession I will undoubtedly work in a variety of aspects of the law in both the public and private sector and am more than amenable to this.

Growing up in a socio-economically disadvantaged, single-parent household as an African-American male in Portsmouth, Virginia brought about extreme challenges and experiences that have fundamentally shaped the man that I have become today. It is these experiences as well as countless others that have enabled me to contribute to society and will continue to enable me to strive for success in my academic and professional career. Most of my memories of my childhood are of a constant struggle to survive, not only financially, but also socially, emotionally, and occasionally even physically. Nevertheless, from an early age I made it my life-long goal to achieve greatness and to make something of myself, to defeat all of the odds that were stacked against me. Life in Virginia for me meant being constantly judged by the color of my skin, being followed in stores, broken homes and broken promises, and even homelessness. It has also meant being told that the person I saw in the mirror would never amount to anything because I was a black man in a society that did not value blackness. Despite the circumstances that characterized my tumultuous childhood I was fortunate to have had key individuals in my life that believed in my intellectual and academic potential and motivated me to strive for greatness. In addition to my mother and father I have been fortunate to have consistently come into contact with teachers, tutors, mentors, peers, friends, and supportive people who have been pivotal in my life, especially at my darkest moments. It is because of this incredible support system that I have been able to defy the odds, shatter the barriers, and break the chains to become the strong Black man that I am today. This has been my most passionate source of inspiration to rise above my circumstances and become an attorney to help to fight the inequalities that exist within our legal system and work to make our society more just.

Due to my parents’ vigilant efforts to instill in me a sense of appreciation for my culture and heritage, I quickly became conscious of marginalization, segregation, and the social, political, and economic inequalities in America and developed an intense interest and appreciation for my ethnic identity, which led to my graduate work in African-American Studies at UCLA. Throughout my undergraduate and graduate career I have strived to work hands-on to bring the African-American community, the legal community, and local, state, and federal government closer together to solve the disparities that continue to plague the African-American community due to the legacy of slavery and Jim Crow segregation. Despite tremendous gains that have been made due to key pieces of civil rights legislation, even today segregation, institutional racism, discrimination, and systematic inequalities still seriously threaten American society and disproportionately put African Americans at a disadvantage politically, economically, and socially.

Additionally, until we change our ideologies as well as our policies about these issues, I am under the belief that we will never be able to fundamentally address these disparities and truly solve the issues facing the African-American community. Coupled with my interest in race and public policy I have strived to utilize my interest in the law as a means to effect social change and as a source of inspiration in pursuing opportunities to learn more about the law and how it relates to public policy and government. This has presented incredible learning experiences for me working with the U.S. Model House of Representatives, the U.S. Department of Justice, the Congressional Black Caucus Foundation, the District Attorney’s Office, Equality California’s Campaign to Overturn Prop 8, on the Obama for America Campaign, and in the Office of a State Senator. (Elaborate on one most recent specific issue) The underlying catalyst for all of these experiences being my sincere desire to work diligently and strategically to achieve equal justice and civil rights for all people. It is my intention that through being admitted to law school I will not only solidify my academic and professional background through becoming an attorney, but also position myself to begin a career in the public and private sector that will help to rectify many of these historical and contemporary issues that not only affect the African-American community but all communities of color, as well as other socially and disadvantaged communities across the country and around the world.

Through my admission and matriculation to law school I hope to utilize my legal education to become a much-needed resource to Black America, which I believe has suffered from inequality and injustice, specifically with regards to criminal, social, and economic justice, for far too long. Utilizing my graduate work as a theoretical framework to understand race and how it affects American society I hope to give back to a community that gave me so much. After finishing this program I hope to work in civil rights law in either the public or private sector in preparation for a career as a public servant working diligently to address critical public policy issues facing our great nation. Law school will not only allow me to grow intellectually, but it will also provide me with the chance to have my voice heard and to encourage, motivate, and inspire countless other individuals. My story is a quintessential American story that exemplifies the notion that regardless of race, class, or social status anything is possible with determination, drive, belief in self, and morality. Having experienced multiple angles of the effects of educational, social, and economic disadvantages in my own personal experience, and witnessing the linguistic disadvantages that occur as a result of immigrating to the United States through my family experiences, I am convinced that I would provide a much-needed addition to the legal community.

To be continued...

God has the power to show you who's God!

2009-06-18T21:33:00.000-07:00

God is so good all the time, and all the time God is good. Be encouraged! There is nothing that you can't give to God that he can't solve. I've been in Sacramento for about 4 days and already God is already working wonders in my life. Keep in mind that this a city that I have never lived in and one in which I know only a handful of people. It is the state capitol and about two hours north of Merced, where I have been living for the past 4 years and also about 2 hours east of the San Francisco Bay Area, where my aunt and uncle live with my cousins. So although I've been to the capitol to visit, on several occasions, I have never actually been here for any extended period of time.

Nevertheless, after graduation I was a little concerned. I wouldn't say I was worried, but I was a little discombobulated because I had planned to received at least $1000 in graduation money and also to work at UCM in Campus Tours until my summer internship started. So when that didn't work out not only was I looking STUPID, but I was also wondering how I would be able to pay my bills and get by until I began my internship. So by the grace of God, I scraped by, all throughout the month of May and half of June, with my little bit of savings and with the help of my Dad and Uncle whom I love sooo much! And so after scraping by May and June, I was seriously in debt and behind on many bills when I moved into my new apartment for the summer, in Sacramento.

So when I came to Sac I was already at a a negative and wondering how I would pay for my internship fees, luxury apartment, bills, and various living expenses. All the while, I was doing my best to stay positive, be optimistic, make phone calls, and work my magic. When you meet God half way you can't fail. You have to always remember to plan ahead because when you plan to fail you fail to plan AND of course me being the organized, thoughtful, forward looking man that I am, I have been planning for this summer since February, when I had got back from DC. So I was putting things into motion all year for this summer so that I wouldn't be looking like BOO BOO the FOOL! LOL! But nevertheless things weren't working out as I had hoped and my internship advisor had informed me that my payment for the program was due and that if I wasn't going to be able to pay then I might have to drop out of the program.

So he asked me to compose a letter (which I did, in a matter of 2 hours) and send it to him explaining in detail what's going on. Beloved when you do what God has called you to do then there is no way you can fail. God did not lift you up to let you down. Thank you God for seeing me through and giving me the wherewithal, know how, and energy to go forth as ye have called. I know that I serve an awesome God who has blessed me infinitely! So I composed the letter, sent it through and he told me that he would forward it to the appropriate individuals and make some phone calls. That night I took to some serious prayer and was connecting with the universe in ways that I never knew that I could. My spirit was in tuned with a higher power and I was focused on a positive outcome which was me getting what I wanted, being able to pay for my various expenses, live comfortably, and garner this summer experience for all that it is worth. Beloved I tell you no sooner then I had given it to God my advisor was calling me in the office to discuss my status.

Now I didn't know what he was going to say. Part of me was ready to pack my bags at a moments notice! lol! But when you are working for the Lord on His mission, He will make a way out of no way! My advisor informed me that he had taken care of the situation, that everything would be paid for, and that I needn't worry because I was going to have a great summer and learn more than I could imagine and I got so excited I nearly jumped out of my skin. I was ecstatic! The power of the Lord just rushed through my body and I was jittery and running all over the place. I simply just couldn't believe that God had worked out that situation that fast! The presence of God was just all around me and it felt magnificent.

Now the reason I wanted to share this with you is because I know a lot of people right now are going through some tough situations. This recession has got everyone down and programs and services are getting cut left and right. People are losing jobs, homes, cars, and everything else. Businesses are closing down, sales are going down, and it seems really dismal. But I want you to know that everything happens for a season and that God is the one in control. He has allowed all of this to happen for a reason and a purpose and it is so divine that we could not began to imagine what He has in store for us. I want you all to know that I serve a mighty God who knows everything in the universe and who is perfect. If you believe in Him and what He can do then He will work wonders in your life. I know that no recession is to bad for God to fix. No job is out of His reach. There is nothing that He can't fix, heal, or repair. And they that trust in God shall be like Mount Zion, they will not be moved and not be afraid. I will not be moved by what man has done and I refuse to be afraid for the future. God is still in control of my life and He has a purpose for me. I am trusting in the Lord and I know that he will fulfill my destiny. There is no name as sweet as Jesus!

Sincerely,

RKNJ

Rodney K. Nickens Jr.
Love, Hope, and Peace

A New Beginning

2009-06-06T22:15:00.000-07:00

It is the beginning of Summer 2009 and as summer and winter breaks are often the best times for me to post my thoughts to this blog I have a few thoughts that I would like to share. A lot has been going on in my life and I have been keeping a lot on my chest and as is often said by those who are much wiser than I am, it is not healthy to keep to much on your chest. It is my sincerest hope that in my sharing the events and experiences going on in my life through this blog I can not only inform others but also touch and inspire others, as well. It's been over a month since I last blogged and over the course of the last month and a half I have graduated from college, met the First Lady of the United States Michelle Obama, traveled from the Bay Area to Southern California, witnessed the California Supreme Court systematically strip civil rights away from the queer community, and grown much closer to my family and friends. It has been such an amazing month and half and I hope that it foreshadows what is to come for me this summer as well as in the fall.

My college graduation has been one of the greatest milestones of my life. I never would have dreamed that as I marched along with my graduating class I would be addressed by the First Lady of the United States, Michelle Obama, who also happens to be the first African-American First Lady. I could never have dreamed that as a result of serving on the Dear Michelle Committee, the group of students who organized the campaign to recruit the First Lady, that I would have the opportunity to hug and shake the hand of the First Lady and to take a picture with her as well. I could never have dreamed that my college graduation from the University of California, Merced would be such a beautiful day with my family and friends full of so many amazing memories. Even three weeks later I am still in awe at the beauty of the day. I am eternally grateful to the University of California-Merced for providing me with countless memories, experiences, and opportunities for growth. I close this chapter in my life with sadness and happiness. It is truly one of the most bittersweet times for me as I must say goodbye to the friendships, relationships, and life that I have come to know for the past 4 years. I know that many of my friends will keep in touch but I also know that it will never be the same. It will never be like it was in college.

After graduation I spent 2 weeks in the San Francisco Bay Area with my Aunt and Uncle. It was a fun two weeks hanging out with my family up north, going out with my cousin, working out and jogging with my Aunt, and chatting with my Uncle, who is never one without many words. However, as I was preparing to leave three important events occurred. President Obama appointed Sonia Sotomayor as the first Latina Supreme Court Justice, the California Supreme Court voted 6-1 to uphold Proposition 8 in California, which declared same-sex marriage unconstitutional, and lastly President Obama declared June as Gay Pride Month and published an official proclamation along with Secretary of State Hillary Clinton. Each of these events was historic and impacted me personally.

After I left the Bay Area, I stopped in Merced for a bit and then headed down to Southern California where I met Jonathan and Alan at UCLA and we went running in the Hollywood Hills. I absolutely am in love with UCLA and Southern California in general. Beautiful weather, beautiful people. beautiful beaches. Everything is just beautiful. I spent the last week accompanying Jonathan to graduate classes in education, working out at the UCLA gym, and hanging out with my SoCal friends at UCLA and UCI. A few of my friends from UCM even came down for my friend Raj's 22nd birthday and to hang out in Southern California and Las Vegas.

This is my last week in Southern California before I begin my summer internship in Sacramento with the UC Center there. Hopefully I will be working in the District Attorney's Office or in the Legislative Office of a member of the State Assembly or State Senate. It should be an interesting experience as I have never lived and worked in Sacramento however, I am a little concerned as to how I will afford to intern in Sacramento for the summer. This is the first summer that I have not worked full-time and it will definitely be a financial strain, so much so that I may have to pick up a part-time job to make ends meet. Nevertheless, I am excited about spending the next 3 months of my life interning, learning, and meeting new people. I know that this summer is going to be a great one. However, I hope it goes by fast because I am so ready to begin grad school at UCLA in the fall, move into my new LA apt. with Jonathan and start my new life in Southern California.

There is so much going on in the world and I am anxious to begin to learn how I fit into this giant puzzle called life. I am ready to make my mark in this world however I am supposed to do so. I hope that I am ready for what lies ahead. I know that I am not done yet and there is still much growth that I must endure. As Michelle Obama said in her Commencement speech I know that there will be dark times that lie ahead and I that I am certain to face countless obstacles as a continue to progress into my purpose and fulfill my destiny. I am embracing the challenge and the growth that will come along with it and in so doing, hopefully I will continue to become a better, more whole, person.

I am well on my way to law school, becoming the top lawyer that I was designed to become, and becoming the influential political leader, author, teacher, and mentor that I was born to be. And despite the racist and insulting scoff by a certain white man at my very presence at Huntington Beach as an African-American graduate student at UCLA, I am confident and proud to be where I am today and no one and nothing can take that away from me or stop me from achieving my goals. This should be a very interesting summer.

Sincerely,

RKNJ
----------
Rodney K. Nickens Jr.
UCLA Graduate Student '11
M.A. Afro-American Studies

3 Weeks Until Graduation

2009-04-26T14:07:00.000-07:00

The month of April has been so hectic, more so than I can ever remember. As it has barely been two months since my 22nd birthday so much has changed in the past fews weeks. It is 3 weeks until my college graduation and the emotion is already setting in as I am finally coming to the realization that after graduation I may never see many of the people that I have grown accustomed to ever again. All of the memories that I've made over the past 4 years are still firmly planted in my mind. I have had so many good times and experiences in college and it is going to be very difficult for me to leave and let all of that go. I never could have dreamed after the childhood that I had that I would grow up into the person that I am today.

These past 4 years have been the best times of my life and I will never forget UC Merced and the amazing people that I met here. I learned so much about who I am, what I'm capable of, and what I can do if I put my mind to something. This year particularly, with its ups and downs has still been an amazing year. Senior year in college. What a milestone. It's still so hard to believe that 4 years ago I was an 18 year old boy from Portsmouth, VA fresh off the plane. I was so different, so young, so naive. Hanging out with the freshman today is like looking into the mirror. That was me four years ago. It's crazy so think about where I've been and where I am now. I am really going to miss my friends. This is going to be one of the saddest three weeks of my life. Every event is a memory. I wonder what it's going to be like to come back to campus as an alumni. It's so hard to envision what UC Merced will look like in 5 or 10 years. I know that I won't even recognize the campus.

I just wish I could spend these last three weeks with my friends hanging out and not stressing about final assignments, papers, exams, and my thesis. Ugh! And I still have to work on a speech and figure out what I'm going to wear. It's just so much to do and so little time to do it. Not to mention dealing with family stuff and of course planning the graduation trip to Disneyland and LA. It sucks that we won't get to go back East to my cousin's medical school graduation but I guess it wasn't meant to be. At least I'll get to be here for grad week. I'm so excited for Michelle Obama's visit to campus and speech. I can't wait to see what she's wearing and hear what she has to say. I know it's going to be amazing. She is so inspirational!

I'm really excited about my summer internship in the District Attorney's office. I have a feeling I am going to be working my butt off and I can't wait. I hope I get a good financial aid package or I'm going to have get a part-time job to help pay for my summer living expenses. I wonder what I'm going to do when UC Sac ends because the program lets out in mid-August and grad school doesn't start up until late -September so either I could stay in Sac or head down to LA and try to find a part-time job on campus or just chill in the OC on the beach. I know after graduation I'm prolly going to hang around in Merced for a few weeks and work on campus in the Visitor Center and try to save up some money before I head to Sac for the summer.

I guess 3 weeks from graduation I am feeling a lot of different emotions. Sadness. Hopefulness. Anxiousness. Excitement. I know the ABC conference and graduation week is going to be a lot of fun. I can't wait to get my college ring, necklace, African stole, diploma, and degree. Then it will all feel real. 4 years of college. I am officially a college graduate. I am educated. Wow! Thank you mom and dad so much for giving me the tools I needed to succeed in life. What an amazing experience. I will really miss my underclassmen friends. I hope they can live up to the high standards that the Inaugural Class of 2009 set. We really raised the bar for our campus. I will definitely be coming back to visit the campus in the fall or either in the Spring of 2010. I wonder what ASUCM and AASA and MPLS and Prodigy will look like in a few years. Wow! So much to think about. So much change.

I still can't believe that I'm going to UCLA in the fall to start grad school. I'm so excited about my master's program in Afro-American studies. I know that I am going to learn so much about my culture, heritage, history, and self. It is really going to make me not only a better person, but a more marketable person, especially in law and politics. I still kinda wish I was doing a joint law program or just law school though. But I know I need more time to study for the LSAT and work on my resume if I plan to get into Harvard, Stanford, Yale, Cal, Columbia, NYU, Chicago, U Penn, Northwestern, Georgetown, UCLA, USC, Irvine, GWU, Emory, Hastings, Davis, San Diego, Santa Clara, UOP, and Howard. Hopefully, since my master's program is interdepartmental, I can take some law and public policy classes.

My hope is that in 5 years, after I finish law school and my master's I will be a scholar in race, law, and public policy issues and in a position to build a successful career in the private and public sector. I definitely know that I want to write, work on policy issues, practice law for several years, and eventually become a partner in a major law firm. After that the sky is the limit. Start my own firm. Publish my first national best seller. Run for Mayor of Los Angeles or Senator or Assemblymember in the State Legislature. Governor. And one day maybe run for president. There is so much that want to do with my life. I know J tells me all the time that it's great to have life goals but I need to focus on what I need to do today to get there. And that starts with me finishing my undergraduate degree requirements, sending in my background check application to the DA's office, contacting my student loans, and studying for the Law School Admissions Test. My goal is to get a 173. So I have a lot of work to do to get my score up a little more.

I can't wait to move down to LA in the fall. I'll be closer to my family, my love, and my heart. I was born to live in LA. I love that city so much. It's such an amazing place. Every time I go home for the weekend it's so hard to leave. The beautiful beaches. Malls. Restaurants. Nightlife. People. Culture. It's so much going on and it's so amazing and enchanting. I am so blessed. God has really been good to me. And my job is to make sure that I don't disappoint him. Too much that is. Time to get to work. Until next time,

RKNJ

My Daily Affirmations

2009-03-09T03:04:00.000-07:00

These are my daily affirmations that I use to positively impact my mental, psychological, and emotional well-being. They are designed to assist me in developing the mentality that I will need to be successful in the present and the future. Through positive affirmation I will speak into existence the life that I deserve.

I am happy, wealthy, secure, and successful.

My life is wonderful and exciting because I am able to wake up everyday and do what I am passionate about.

I am a humble public servant and will always put the greater good before my own self interests.

I am a brilliant, handsome, strong, and muscular black man.

I am a proud activist dedicated to positive social change, equality, and social justice.

I am articulate, charming, compassionate, kind, and likable.

I am diligent, determined, ambitious, gifted, talented, and wonderfully made.

I am blessed by my heavenly father and have abundant good will.

Because of my generous and sincere spirit everything and everyone around me is positive supportive and caring.

I am unstoppable in my fierce determination and am destined for greatness.

The Lord is my shepherd and I shall not want because I am blessed in the glorious name of my Savior Jesus Christ.

My future is bright and amazing opportunities come easily to me.

I am a logical analytical and thoughtful student.

I am in preparation for an ivy league graduate, professional and legal education.

I will be financially smart and manage my income, assets, and liabilities effectively and efficiently to build and sustain wealth.

I am an outstanding scholar, leader, teacher, and role model and have a responsibility to mentor and guide others.

My family and friends are happy, healthy,, wealthy, and secure and everything I do for them will be returned to me tenfold.

God is in control of my life and is directing my path.

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

I will make wise decisions that will positively impact my future.

Sincerely,

Rodney K. Nickens Jr.

Reflections on my UCLA Acceptance and Success in General

2009-03-02T02:42:00.000-08:00

So if you may or may not have heard, I was recently admitted into my top-choice Graduate program at UCLA (Master of Arts in Afro-American Studies). Aside from containing my incredible excitement over the rapid developments of the next phase in my life, I have been bombarded with studying for my Sociology of Gender midterm and reflecting on what this will mean for me, my career, my family, my friends, and essentially my life. While I am certainly excited to be pursuing my Master's and getting ready to study for the LSAT and apply to law school I am definitely scared, nervous, anxious, apprehensive which I'm sure many will be surprised to know. Although I appear to be the quintessential overachiever I most certainly have my weak moments and I suppose success in any aspect of life has the tendency to make even the most confident people a little overly analytical.

I suppose I will start with what this will mean for my career. This spring I will finish my Bachelor's Degree requirements at UC Merced and graduate with honors as a member of the inaugural class of 2009. If everything goes according to plan, our First Lady, Mrs. Michelle Obama will deliver the key-note address at our Commencement Ceremony and after graduation I will move to Los Angeles to take graduate classes at UCLA during the summer and work in a legal non-profit, law firm, or legislative office on some social justice cause that I am hopefully at least somewhat passionate or interested in. I will begin the fall quarter on September 22 and officially start as a Graduate Student at UCLA, where I will immediately make a name for myself on the campus and especially among the law faculty with the hopes of being admitted into the law school in 2011. I will complete my Master's Thesis while studying for the LSAT (taking the test in June 2010), gaining more experience, working and hopefully saving money, paying off most of my car, and hopefully getting graduate housing on campus or my own place in Westwood (or the surrounding communities).

Next is the inevitable effect on my family, or should I say the lack of effect on my family. I suppose the biggest negative aspect of me getting accepted is the lack of emotional support and positive encouragement from my family (father, mother, sister primarily). It's not that I need their support or that I need validation from them or anything of that nature. It's more a matter of principle. I mean I know that my getting accepted to graduate school has no direct affect on them, per say. However, I think that it would have been appropriate at least to pretend to be excited for me, if in fact, that wasn't the actual case. J made an interesting point, that it's difficult to be emotionally supportive of someone else when it seems that everything is not in place in one's own life. Nigeria then made an additional point that sometimes even family succumbs to jealously especially when it seems like some members of the family are progressing while other are stuck in a rut. Both of these issues are bothering me and a source of concern especially in the family dimension of my life. I want my family life to be healthier than it is but when I am interacting with my family I often feel like whatever I do will make the situation worse, even my success. I suppose my idealistic hope was that if I made something of myself, not only would my family be proud of me, but it would also bring us all together and make us happier in our own individual lives. That is proving to be a strategic flaw in my reasoning.

My friends, peers, associates, etc. have been very supportive and I am very grateful to have such encouraging people in my life who care about me and my well-being and who are kind enough to offer their congratulatory remarks, words of praise, and support. This means so much to me, more than any of them will probably ever know. Although many of them often tell me how inspirational I am, what they fail to realize is that they are my true source of inspiration and empowerment and they are the ones who continue to drive and motivate me to succeed in my endeavors and in my life. One of my friends from high school in particular said something to me that really touched me and although it was the simplest statement it meant volumes. Sometimes in life, the simplest things mean the most. Birthdays, Holidays, Anniversary's, Graduations, Acceptances, Awards. They all are meaningless in and of themselves but have the power to mean so much if we let them. I am thankful to have some of the most caring and supportive friends in my life that bring me so much joy and happiness. You all complete me and it is my hope that wherever life takes us, we will always continue to provide each other love, laughter, and life. I truly wish you all the best!

Lastly, my life. This amazing vessel that I have been given to do with whatever I so choose. What an amazing blessing. When God created the earth, he truly blessed us beyond belief to be able to exist on such an amazing place. Despite all of its flaws, the gift of life on earth is a gift to which we can never repaid. It is the ultimate gift and one to which each day I wake up and attempt to do something worthy of having such a gift. My only hope for my life is that I can live up to my destiny and truly find my purpose, whatever that is supposed to be. This acceptance means so much for my life, more than the UCLA faculty in the Afro-American Studies Department could ever know. This acceptance reaffirms my life: the reason why I exist as an African-American man and member of the LGBT community. This acceptance signifies to me that my choices, desires, interests, goals in life are valid and that I do deserve to live, to breathe, to fight, and to succeed.

My future is still a blurry and distant image but this acceptance signifies to me that it is becoming more and more clear each and everyday. I am a college graduate and in the fall I will be a graduate student pursuing a Master's degree in Afro-American Studies. In 2010, I will apply to about 20 law schools around the country in hopes of becoming an attorney, working in corporate, civil rights, and public interest law, starting my own law firm, writing a best-selling autobiography/self-help book, and becoming a political leader/social activist/educator. These are my dreams, this is my future, now is the time to make it my reality. It is my deep and abiding hope that success in each of these dimensions of my life is achieved through my faith, my love, and through some miraculous act of God!

Love, hope, and peace,

Rodney K. Nickens Jr.
UCLA Graduate Student
Interdepartmental Program in Afro-American Studies
Class of 2011
rnickens@ucla.edu

A Life of Illusions: My Obsession With Image

2009-02-18T13:28:00.000-08:00

As I reflect back on my undergraduate experience, I see a person who has grown and transformed in so many ways. My Freshman year in college seems like a distance memory as I am now preparing for the next phase in my life. Today I sit in my Sociology class as a young man who has gained so many skills, talents, and experience but who has also developed so many coping mechanisms that are counterproductive. One of which is my obsession with image. Since I met J my eyes have been opened to a world of opportunities, and my conception of fashion has particularly changed drastically. I don't know exactly when it was that something clicked inside of me, but ever since I have subconsciously been conflicted with an intense desire to present this perfect image of myself to my classmates, faculty, staff, and community. In so doing, I have made myself into someone who is cold, materialistic, and superficial. I have become obsessed with doing whatever is necessary to compensate for what I feel are insecurities or weaknesses in my life.

I am troubled by this need in me to dress a certain way, to carry myself a certain way, to drive a certain car a certain way, and to appear a certain way. Although I understand that appearance is important, I don't want that to be what defines me as a person. I am so much more than a pretty face in nice clothes. I want people to judge me because of the person I am on the inside. I want to be known as a true leader, one who talks the talk and walks the walk and exemplifies the life of a public servant who is selfless, giving, honest, and has integrity, character, and ethics. And although I am aware of the fact that I do like nice things, material objects, care about my appearance, and that I need to carry myself a certain way to succeed in my career, I don't want to be known or perceived as just another crooked lawyer, self-serving politician, or "sell-out." This is very important to me as an African-American male from the South, although I grew up in a very middle-class background, my experiences after my parents separated allowed me to appreciate the values and morals that I gained as a result of our family having to struggle financially to make ends meet.

Additionally, seeing this, also influenced in me the need to do something with my life to help people like me who came from such underprivileged backgrounds. However, the person that I am today, and the person that I am continuing to grow into is not that same person who left home at the age of 18 to make something better of myself. I have become this obsessed with my new image and my ego has grown through the roof. I am no longer the humble, kind, giving person that I was who just wanted to do something positive with my life and make a difference in my community. I have become so consumed with my external self, that instead of being able to help people with my personality I have become almost completely unrelatable, arrogant, and elitist. I have become all of the things that I despised in my peers in high school.

My challenge now moving forward in my life is overcoming this and humbling myself as I prepare for graduation and graduate/professional school. From my studies and conversations with my peers I have come to the conclusion that this is one of the natural stages in the lives of college students, especially those who come from minority or immigrant backgrounds where they are the first-generation in their family to attend college or graduate school. I suppose that this is one of the side-effects of pursuing the American dream. In attaining social mobility and becoming more "American," you become a stranger in your own family and community.

However, I know that despite all of my ambitions and goals for my professional career, at the center of my life will always be my morals and values and the things that ground me: my relationship with God, my significant other, my family, and my friends. These things must remain balanced in my life for me to remain truly happy, healthy, secure, and successful. The problem, I suppose is that they are not balanced; especially my family and personal life and I don't know what I can do to bring balance or to help facilitate more balance so in turn I have learned to focus on my ambitions and goals and essentially myself. While, this is not the most terrible thing in the world to do, the way in which you do it, is absolutely critical, especially to how the world perceives you.

My issue with myself is about how I view myself. Because of my experiences I have had to shut down the vulnerable Rodney because of whatever reasons and to hide my emotions or to make myself appear as if I don't value emotions although that's not the case. I absolutely do value emotions and it's not that I view them as a sign of weakness but that's just not the typical way that I express myself. Also I feel like I can't talk about my problems or my life issues because. It is very difficult for me to open up to people especially about personal issues in my life. I suppose this is also why I have had some difficulty with my relationships and friendships.

Next, because I have been relatively successful in the last four years, with so much stacked against me, I have placed myself on a pedestal so to speak where I feel as if, if I was able to overcome so many obstacles and trials and still accomplish so much, then why can't you? This has made me particularly cocky, patronizing, and condescending especially to those I personally feel are not living up to their potential. Lastly, I believe that the pressure that I feel from my family, society, my peers etc. has enabled me to develop this image of a over-achiever who is essentially perfect. I don't know why I feel the need to behave this way, but I would like change it. I want to be more humble and I want to be a genuine person who is authentic, honest, personable, and down-to-earth, but how do I reconcile this with my obsession with presenting a positive, fashionable, glamorous image? Can I continue to live a life of illusions presenting a picture-perfect life and not showing weakness or emotion? What will it take to knock me off my high? When does one begin to pat ones self on the back a bit too much? Will there be any long-term effects to me continuing to disregard my emotions and inner-feelings? These are all questions that I will be asking myself in the days and weeks to come. It is my hope that before I have to experience a traumatic event or incident I will be able to change these habits that I feel are so counterproductive. Looking forward to the future, I know that if I make these changes in my personal life, I will no doubt be able to continue to succeed in my professional life and beyond.

Here's to making 2009 the most divine!

Sincerely,

RKNJ

Rodney K. Nickens Jr.

Love, Hope, Peace.

"Be the change you wish to see in the world!"

Closing One Chapter and Beginning Another

2008-12-10T18:02:00.000-08:00

So in a few days I'll be leaving Washington, D.C. and heading back to Los Angeles, CA to return to my new life and close the chapter, at least temporarily to my DC experience. Obviously I am so humbled to have had the opportunity to intern this fall with the Congressional Black Caucus and to work in the Department of Justice Civil Rights Division's Voting Section. Honestly, though, coming to the end of this experience is bittersweet. This is such a profound time in my life, in the life of our country. So much is going on right now in the world and everyday I am trying to take it in a little more. I am saddened by what is going on right now, especially in Illinois with the scandal that has engulfed Governor Blagojevich. Nevertheless, the sadness that I feel cannot replace the happiness that I have inside for having completed this accomplishment successfully. I am going to definitely miss so much about Washington, the people that I've met, the friendships rekindled, the UCDC center and not having hot water for like 3 days! This was a phenomenal experience, a bit longer than I thought it would be, but nevertheless I once in a lifetime opportunity. I am excited and a bit anxious for what lies ahead as I close this chapter in my life and began another.

I cannot believe that I am about to end the first semester of final year at UC Merced. The time has definitely went by incredibly too fast. I will 22 in a few months and everything is happening so fast. So far I've applied to several Graduate Schools: UCLA, Cal State Long Beach, Claremont, and I'm still working on Cal Poly San Luis Obisbo, Cal State Sacramento, San Francisco State, and I am still deciding, albeit with 5 days and counting, whether or not I should throw my hat to UC Berkeley. Mostly I'm applying to Public Administration and Public Policy Programs with a few Ethnic/Cultural/African-American Studies programs thrown in there as well. It's amazing how much I've come as a scholar in my career. After doing a lot of reflection, research and deep thought I decided that right now law school was not the right thing for me and that I would rather gain more experience and research skills before I embarked on that journey. I definitely think I am making the right decision. I am also applying to the Cal Assembly/Senate Fellows programs so hopefully everything works out.

This spring I am going to be working on my Senior Thesis, hopefully on the history of voting/civil rights barriers for African-Americans and other minorities, taking one last history class and a sociology class as well. I'm also excited because I was offered a legislative internship position in Modesto this spring as well, and a $1000 scholarship to go with it and so this spring is looking very exciting and if all goes according to plan I will finish with honors and then go abroad to South Africa or participate in the UC Sacramento Internship Program. I'm also in the running to be an RA for the Summer Congressional Black Caucus Foundation Internship Program. There's a lot going on in my life right now and I am full speed ahead to what will hopefully be a successful career in public service. Lately I've been finding myself feeling like there is more that I could or should be doing.

During my internship I had to opportunity to work with Horton's Kids, non-profit here in DC that serves disadvantaged youth in the Anacostia neighborhood. It was a humbling experience, although short-lived and I really felt like I was making a positive difference. It really instilled in me a desire to work with children and Jonathan said that I could use my political and legal skills to instill in them a desire to pursue careers in public service and law. That is something I could see myself becoming really passionate about. I know Michelle Obama worked on a project similar to that in Chicago. There are so many opportunities out there that I would like to take advantage of. Right now my number one priority is trying to make my resume as beautiful and impressive as possible.

Despite these difficult economic times, I am looking to our President-elect and his beautiful family and I have hope. I am hopeful that my future will be bright and that I will use all of the skills and talents that I've been blessed with to help make this world a little better than it was. I'm also finding myself feeling more and more paternal with each passing day. Although I'm three months shy of 22 I can already envision my life as a father, a mentor, and a teacher. It's something about the sparkle in a child's eye that makes my heart melt until the day that I will have one to call my own. Nevertheless I know that I am in no financial or mental state to be thinking about children but I suppose a guy can dream. One day hopefully. One day soon. As for now I am going to happily close this chapter in my life entitled "My Introduction to Washington, D.C. and close it for the next chapter, "Leaving UC Merced." What an exciting and challenging next few years I will have before me. More Internships, Graduate School, Law School, Fellowships, Externships, Clerkships, and Life in the Real World. Here's to hoping that the next four years will be as amazing and thrilling as the last four.

Best wishes for a safe and happy holiday season and a prosperous New Year!

Always,

Rodney K. Nickens Jr.

Does my happiness truly impede on yours?

2008-11-13T08:39:00.000-08:00

So This Is My Response to this article that I read on http://www.sethandray.com/page/2/ entitled "Do Gay People Understand Us? and in general to the passage of Proposition 8 in California, (the state I currently reside in), and the discriminatory constitutional marriage amendments in Arizona, Arkansas, and Florida.

Let me first say that in a time when I should be celebrating the great victory of President-elect Obama, I am not because I am deeply saddened by the passage of these three constitutional amendments that I believe to be deeply rooted in homophobia, bigotry, intolerance, and ignorance. Moreover I am confidently under the belief, although I do not profess to be a Constitutional law scholar, that Proposition 8 specifically, will once again be overturned by the State Supreme Court or the U.S. Supreme Court due to its unconstitutional nature. Additionally, I am furthermore confident in this because the President-elect, who is a Constitutional law scholar, publicly said that this law was discriminatory and divisive himself and was not in support of it due these reasons among others.

So with that said let me begin my commentary. For much of my life I was raised in a traditional Southern Christian family with core middle-class values that many Americans will probably relate to. We went to church every Sunday and Bible Study on Wednesdays. With regard to this issue, I was always taught in church and in my family that homosexuality was immoral. The children in my neighborhood and at school, the hip-hop music that we listened to, the media in general, and just about everyone else also reaffirmed this. I say all of this to preface my personal beliefs and to let it be known that I do understand where those beliefs are rooted and derived. However, through my personal experiences, as a student of History and through my studies I have come to understand that the issue of same-sex marriage is larger than religious beliefs, personal values, or moral teachings. It's quite simply an issue of equality.

Although as an African American I strongly respect what my elders did during the Civil Rights Movement as well as what my ancestors did throughout the history of this nation, and as such must acknowledge the distinct differences between that and the Gay Rights Movement, I must draw comparisons between them because the causes of each movement are rooted in the same spirit of hate. For much of the history of this country, gays and lesbians have been violently persecuted for simply being different and whether you believe this was a choice or not, violent persecution is wrong. Gay bashing, hate crimes, derogatory slurs, family nonacceptance, religious excommunication, denial of basic rights, and the list goes on and on are un-American. They are the true threats to this democracy and threats to our values. This to me spells out terrorism, discrimination, injustice, and inequality, all day and all night and if you do not see it then you need to put on some glasses or something!

Before we are gay or straight, whether you believe you chose to be either or not, we are human, we are Americans, and in the United States of America, the law of the land, which as I understand it to be, is our United States Constitution, interpreted by the Supreme Court. It is explicitly spelled out in clear English that we are all created equal with unalienable rights, to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. Those who advocate same-sex marriage are not advocating that their actions be tolerated by the majority. Quite frankly if you do not agree with same-sex marriages then it would be in your best interest not to get one. This issue has nothing to do with whether or not folks approve of the "actions, lifestyles, etc." of the LGBT community. That is of the least of concern. This issue is about liberty and justice for all.

The laws of this country must apply to everyone equally, not just gays, lesbians, and trans-gendered people, but women, those with special needs, and other minorities and the same thing applies to the issue of marriage. Martin Luther King Jr. said it best when he said that "injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere." People have to understand this if nothing else. Bottom line this issue is about fear and division. Many Americans are fearful of these times and they have every right to be. Our country is headed in the wrong direction in just about ever conceivable way possible.

Nevertheless, the answer is NOT to become further divided over issues of relatively little or no importance. Same-sex marriage is not the same as polygamy, or underage marriage, or any other ADULT relationship and does not seek to replace "traditional marriage." It is not about the best interests of children either! Many children are raised by single parents, AND GET THIS...gay parents too, and even no parents at all and turn out fine. Same-sex parents that can provide a loving, stable home for children should not and cannot be denied this BASIC RIGHT. This would do more harm to children than anything.

Lastly, same-sex marriage will not and cannot undermine anyone's values. Everyone can and will still have their beliefs, and regardless of what those are, it is not the place of the government or the law to take sides. The law must protect and recognize everyone in the same way. We have to come together and treat each other with compassion and respect regardless of our values. We cannot continue to demonize each other and expect that we can solve bigger issues like global poverty, world hunger, and social injustice.

Our society is changing and evolving and becoming more diverse like societies tend to do. We are a nation of many people and we are nation of ideals and values that cannot be sacrificed regardless of our religious foundation. It is time to progress and the Obama Administration will signal in a new era of tolerance and hope. It is imperative that we all get on board.

Please people educate yourselves on the issues. Research a variety of viewpoints and perspectives and try to learn the facts about this issue. It is so sad that this measure passed barely due to deception and shady marketing techniques. I truly hope that Californians and Americans in general wake up and truly began to arm themselves with knowledge and leverage their power. God bless America.

RKNJ

It's Time to Put This Pitbull With Lipstick Down!!

2008-10-15T08:53:00.000-07:00

Is This A Woman YOU Want to Lead the Free World?

I've read a lot of articles this week about Governor Sarah Palin and sadly, no one has truly taken her to task and called her out for who and what she really is. The past few weeks since she's been in the national spotlight she has had a lot to say about nothing. This is the Governor of Alaska, who 6 months ago, was literally a blip on the national radar and for her to be announced as the vice-presidential nominee for the Republican Party, with the personality, tone, experience, and background that she has is simply, quite frankly degrading, insulting, and pathetic.

I am a young African-American citizen, officially voting in a presidential election for the first time in my life and I am sick and tired of Governor Sarah Palin and would like for her to please get on the first trip back to Anchorage, Alaska or wherever her Governor's mansion is, pack up her things, and resign effective immediately. She is a disgrace to modern American politics, an incompetent leader, a demoralizing figure, an unethical elected official, and unfit to serve this nation in any official capacity whatsoever.

So to substantiate my previous two paragraphs, as well as my frustration, please let me explain my beliefs. Since she arrived on the national scene in August 2008, she has done nothing to uplift this nation in our time of need. Instead, she has relied on swift-boat attacks reminiscent of the 2004 Bush/Kerry election, negative campaigning, racist innuendos, xenophobic innuendos, fear, and ignorance to get publicity, gain popularity, deflect attention from her own serious shortcomings, and bring down our next and the first African-American president.

Instead of telling voters who the hell she really is, she has sought to shift negative attention to a very well-known candidate, who among other things has sought to change the tone in Washington and give this country a leader that they can finally believe in and truly admire. This is a leader who has been on the national stage almost 4 years, is an honorable and well-respected lawyer and legislator, best-selling author, noted professor and scholar, community organizer/activist, and a US Senator. Quite frankly, Governor Palin we know who the real Barack Obama is but the real question is who the hell are you?

The McCain camp has talked about putting the country first this entire election cycle yet Governor Palin clearly has done nothing in this campaign to put anyone first but herself. She abandoned her daughter at her most desperate time of need and utilized her for political gain, abused her powers as Governor when it suited her and then sought to change the situation around to make it appear as if she was being a "maverick", misled American voters to gain votes by distorting the facts and blatantly lied about Senator Obama's record, and continues to do so as we speak despite Senator McCain's calls to change the tone of our national political discourse.

Governor Palin how can you have the audacity to say that Senator Obama doesn't see the country as ordinary Americans do when all that he has done his entire life is live and speak about the greatness of our country and what an amazing place it is? How dare you have the gall to say that when your own husband, who could potentially be the first, first gentleman of the United States of America and yourself were affiliated with a group that sought to separate itself from the United States and what you so affectionately call the "Lower 48". If anyone doesn't see America in a positive light it would most certainly be you and your scandalous husband!

Instead of delivering to Americans in our most gravest time of need a clear, positive vision for our future and solid, substantive, policy proposals that your administration would seek to implement to get us there, this is a candidate, a leader who can barely articulate a single, coherent talking point without hours of preparation and coaching. She has a warped world view because of her limited interactions outside the state of Alaska, no sense of international relations due to the fact that she can't name one news source that she regularly reads and that she just recently got a passport, no understanding of the intricacies of diplomacy due to the fact that she studied Journalism in college and barely received her degree, and no decency or morality to stand up as a woman and leader of integrity in the face of bigotry and intolerance as we saw last week at her hate rally-turned lynch mob. Although she professes to be tolerant of those who are different from her she demonstrates that she has little or no understanding of the political, social, and economic institutions in our country, and quite frankly no business being on any national ticket in this country.

While I truly mean her no harm and am sure that to those who love her and know her on a personal level she is the most amazing person ever, I would be very pleased if she were to concede her nomination and step down and let someone capable and qualified assume her position. She is not the leader we need now or ever. Perhaps she would be of best use back in Wasila on the City Council and although she is a fascinating personality and has contributed to my daily entertainment it is a serious time in our country and we need serious leaders who will deliver.

With that said, I am thoroughly and completely ashamed that she is governor in one of the states in this country and I truly pity the indigenous people and natives of Alaska that have had to suffer under her corruption. Additionally, I am disappointed in McCain and his advisers for trying to pull one over on the American people and underestimate our intelligence. To think that we would vote for you because you appointed some pretty bimbo that can recite a few HATEFUL one liners is pathetic! You all are dishonorable and should truly be disgusted with yourselves for the hate that you have sown. Lastly, I am very disheartened with the American people that have bought into this coonery! I understand that you all are not the brightest people in the country but to think that you would blindly follow leaders who clearly do not have your best interest or anyone else's at heart simply because they look like you is unthinkable and appaling.

My people of this great land, we have such a long way to go until we can truly live as one nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all. I hope President Obama can heal the divisions that have been created and manipulated by Governor Palin and the Republican Party this year. I truly hope that we can come together as a nation one day and stand united as one people to solve the incredible challenges that we face in the days ahead of us. It my gravest concern. May God Bless you all and may God truly bless America.

RKNJ

If This Is Love

2008-10-02T05:40:00.000-07:00

So I know you should never claim victory before the end of the game but everyday it's looking more and more like I just may live to see an African-American become the President of the United States. I cannot put into words how this makes me feel. I am so inspired and empowered and proud of Senator Barack and Michelle Obama for all that they have accomplished. As an aspiring lawyer and statesman it solidifies in me the belief that one can truly accomplish anything that one puts one's mind to. It literally brings me to tears how this moment in time makes me feel not simply because one of my own is finally breaking the highest glass ceiling but because of the amazing message that his candidacy has sent not only to the USA but to the entire world. As a History major and hopefully soon a graduate student in African-American studies I know all too well the statistics, history, and trajectory that has followed people of African descent throughout the African diaspora.

All that we have overcome...separation from our roots, communities, families, capture, enslavement, murder, rape, loss of language and culture, lynching, segregation, apartheid, poverty, imprisonment, discrimination, racism, all of it and now to finally have someone that we can look to for hope...hope that tomorrow might be a little brighter; that there is still reason to believe that God is real and that he truly does answer prayers. I don't think people understand how important this election is, not just to the future of this country but to the future of civilization. I am so humbled and honored and blessed to live in a nation like this. It is truly an incredible time to be alive and although we are experiencing the worst economic crisis of our time, poverty is even more profound, racial divisions are beginning to become more apparent, health care is failing, war is being raged, and there are so many more issues and problems...I am still proud.

On another note, I am pleased to report that I am in love with Washington, D.C., don't get me wrong DC has its problems too just like every major U.S. city but it is such a phenomenal place to be young, black, and fabulous. So much positive and progressive people and movements are going on here and you know I'm trying to be apart of it all! I absolutely love it here except the weather. If you could give DC LA's weather then it would truly be paradise! My internship is going very well. Interning with the Congressional Black Caucus Foundation is such a tremendous honor and all of the leaders and staff are truly remarkable people who are paving the way for the African-American community. The 38th Annual Legislative Conference went very well. I met so many movers and shakers and you know they were doing big things. The workshops were heated at times but a lot of good work was discussed and despite what many may think, we are making progress. It inspired me and reinforced the need for me to get on my grind and start making things happen. So I finished my UCLA and CGU applications and now I'm about to start working on the Pepperdine, Cal State Long Beach and San Luis Obisbo ones and I just may apply to Howard or Georgetown. We'll see what they're talking about. Working in the Department of Justice office has also been very interesting. I've gotten to meet the lawyers and staff and learn more about what State Agencies actually do and I'm definitely learning more than I thought I would. I'm ready to get out in the field and start moving and shaking and finding out what the deal really is in the South!

Honestly I miss California but I'm having such a good time in DC that it's hard to think about it too much. I've made some pretty strong connections already and it's only Week 4 so I know when December rolls around its going to be hard for me to leave. There's so much that I want to do before I go so I'm going to have to start making some serious moves. Right now I'm focused on taking the GRE, getting into graduate school, lining up a SWEET gig after my internship, finishing my research project, and going abroad in the summer, oh and getting a fellowship/grant of some kind to do some research. So that's my life in 1,000 words. LOL. I know it's probably more than that but ya. I miss all my peoples in Cali you know who you are. I love y'all and can't wait to see you soon. Vegas baby! Let's make it happen!! Y'all please go rock Jazmine Sullivan and Jennifer Hudson's CDs they are so bomb. Bout time we get some real music in the Black community. Also I'm working on a Community Action Plan for UC Merced students to improve the quality of life. Any ideas, suggestions, solutions? Please shoot me an email at rnickens@ucmerced.edu

Peace, Love, and Blessings,

P.S. Change is on the way!

Sincerely,

Rodney K. Nickens Jr.
University of California, Merced
Inaugural Class of 2009
School of Social Sciences, Humanities, and Arts
History, Spanish

Congressional Black Caucus Foundation
U.S. Department of Justice, Civil Rights Division
Voting Section
Intern

"Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we've been waiting for. We are the change that we seek." ~Senator Barack Obama

Just a Catch Up

2008-08-20T23:32:00.001-07:00

It's amazing how hard it is to get back into the groove of things once you've slacked off for awhile. I know for my blogging is just like that for me. I stopped doing it for so long because I was too busy reading everyone else's blog to do my own. And in my defense it is very time consuming, I mean you have think of a topic, then you have to find pictures to go with the topic, and if you want to be really fancy you have to get graphics and all of that but you know my simple self is not about to do all of that! But nevertheless, I'm done with summer session and I got one A+ and one B, unfortunately and I'm done with work and now I just get to chill for a second until my financial aid arrives and then it's off to Los Angeles to catch my flight to Washington D.C. for my internship/study abroad. I'm definitely excited to get out of Merced for the semester although I am going to miss all my friends and loved ones tremendously. But I think this next phase in my life will definitely help me grow and develop more into the man that I want and need to be.

In current events, I'm really bummed about the state of our economy. You know as Americans we take for granted the simple things in life like being able to fill up your car with a $20 or being able to check your luggage at the airport for free so it's definitely gonna be an adjustment for me only bringing the bare necessities with me to Washington for the semester. It's only 3 and half months so some how I'll make it. lol! I can't believe it's an election year and although I've went from apathetic, to passionate, to cynical, to cautious about politics over the course of the past three years I have to admit Mr. Obama's campaign has definitely got me enthused and engaged and I am looking forward to an exciting election this November and a historic win for the Democratic Party. I must admit I am a bit nervous with how close this election is getting even though I knew that it was going to be a close one despite the popular opinion of the Republican Party under the Bush Administration. As a History major I've learned that Americans never learn and we often repeat the same mistakes with different leaders so it does not surprise me how well McCain's doing because there are some people in the country who still haven't learned their lesson the first time.

Work has been a trying experience this summer with so many changes in leadership, and staff leaving for new position, and the entire department really changing and growing and going through so much. It's definitely taking its toll on me and several others in the office and although I still love UC Merced and working with Campus Tours, this will definitely be a good break for me to revaluate my life and my commitments. UC Merced is going through so much as a campus too. Omg I can't believe that 3 years ago the school had just started we had less than 1000 students, barely any buildings, and it was really a mess and now we are a full capacity, barely have any parking, don't have enough dorms for the students we do have, and are literally in panic mode at the amount of interest in our campus. We are growing so rapidly that it's hard for us to accommodate the demand and almost everyday this summer we've had visitors coming asking questions, requesting tours, bringing groups from high schools, and doing summer programs in the dorms. It's been the busiest summer we've ever had and I am so glad that I had the opportunity to work with the kids in the summer programs. It really was so much fun and I met some really great people.

J and are also getting sad about moving out of the apartment and heading our separate ways. He's going to NY to defend his Master's Thesis and I start my internship in the Voting Section of the Civil Rights Division at the Department of Justice. We're moving on with our lives and when I come back to finish my last semester at UC Merced, he'll be starting his PhD at UCLA in Urban Schooling and Policy Evaluation. It's going to be tough but hopefully everything will work out for the best. I'm applying to some Master's programs at UCLA, USC, Claremont, Pepperdine and some state schools this fall so I will definitely be moving to Los Angeles next fall for graduate school and will most likely be applying to law schools in the area as well.

It seems like everything is going well for me and after such a tumultuous summer it couldn't be more appropriate. Hopefully everything continues to look up! Get into the new Solange album! It's pretty hot! Well I have to go I'm getting tired!

RKNJ

Black Is Making a Comeback

2008-06-06T13:41:00.000-07:00

I know it's been a while since I've commented on current events but it's taken me some time to get my mind together to discuss the issues that are important to me. I must admit that even I have been bamboozled and distracted by the nuances and blatant "coonery" of the "entertainment" industry. I know that now more than ever I desperately need to be "reeducated" with information that has been written from my the perspective of my own people, people of color who largely have been displaced, destroyed, disadvantaged, and oppressed at the hands of "hardworking" white people, in the words of Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton. I cannot express how disheartened and concerned I am at the utter irresponsibility and cruelness that this administration has caused over the course of the past 8 years. As I slowly come to grips with the utter reality that this Administration is not the first to commit such atrocities to people across the world, and certainly won't be the last, I am conflicted daily with my desire to be "patriotic" and "optimistic" while not ignoring the grim reality that it is.

The US media and in particular, the press have participated in the concerted and strategic transmission of blatantly inaccurate and misleading information about foreign affairs, especially in the Middle East and the "War on Terror." At times I find myself so confused as to what to believe and what to question. The politicians are so powerful in their ability to mislead and persuade the masses of Americans that I find myself at times even feeling vulnerable. I am at a time in my life where I am finally "taking off the rosy colored glasses" and seeing the reality of what is truly taking place. Our country's leaders, both Republicans and Democrats have disillusioned the world with their lies, corruption, greed, and lust for power and influence. We have alienated the world under the Bush Administration and continue to pillage, exploit, steal, kill, and destroy people of color predominantly, all under the guise of freedom and democracy. I feel like for the past 21 years of my life, I have been indoctrinated with lies and misinformation not only about myself and my ancestors, but also about my country and its role in international relations.

I simply don't understand why at a time when I should be proud that the United States' Democratic Party just nominated the first African American for President, why in the midst of my pride and happiness I can feel nothing but sadness, apprehension, and anger. Anger that despite this momentous occasion, despite it all, terrible things are still and will continue to take place around the world under the flag of the United States of America. I just don't understand why as I attempt to educate myself so that I one day can go out to the world as an intellectual and critical thinker, white men are plotting and planning on how they can continue to profit take over the world. It's a situation in which I will probably never understand but one which will continue to plague my mind and undoubtedly the minds of so many others. Honestly, I don't know what needs to be done but I honestly and truly believe it starts from the bottom up. People have got to wake up out of this brainwashed mind daze that we are in and begin to truly critically think and analyze the events that are happening around us. People have got to be armed not with guns but with knowledge because knowledge truly is power. Our youth have got to stop being taught to value money, fame, and material possessions and start valuing each other and education and all of the joys it brings. I don't know how we can change the way we function but we have to start somehow and we have to start today. It begins with each and everyone of us making a decision that instead of doing what is expected of us, we will go above ad beyond that and do the unexpected and the unimagined. It is time for us to truly do what we never though was possible and to tap into our uncharted potential as human beings. I will leave it at that.

Creating a Coalition Among African/Black People Across America

2008-05-03T11:49:00.000-07:00

I really need to create a more effective schedule that will allow me to update my blog more often. I really have so much I want to say but it is so difficult to find the time. Right now I am at the 5th Annual African Black Coalition at UC Irvine in Orange County, CA. Yup over 700 African/Black people in Orange County for an entire weekend! They are not ready! I know the man is freaking out right now seeing all these fine brothas and sistas down here in the sunny OC! See contrary to popular belief African/Black people are not afraid of water! I absolutely love this conference! It is definitely the best conference of the year and every year when I come here I feel so inspired, uplifted, enlightened, and supported. I truly feel like there is a purpose for my life and the work that I am doing is not in vain. Honestly, I feel at utter peace and bliss with my life and with my identity.

This conference reaffirms the fact that I actually do know and accept who I am and solidifies in me why I am truly and deeply proud of my heritage and culture. I cannot thank my parents enough for instilling in me solid beliefs, values, ethics, and morals that have allowed me to become the incredible black man that I am today. I am so proud of my family, my community, my people, and my ancestors who came before me and allow me to be so privileged today. Although I've said in the past and I will definitely say again, Black people definitely have a long way to go but this conference reassures me that the movement of the 60s and 70s are not dead, they are just in slow down and they are undoubtedly resurfacing at an unprecedented rate. And America, I intend to play a very instrumental role in ushering the return of that movement. It is not just my desire, it my obligation, and it is my birthright.

Education...The Key to the World?

2008-04-01T01:14:00.000-07:00

I haven't done this in quite awhile, so after tonight's conversation with J I thought I better comment on my life at the current moment. Let me start off by saying that I am so blessed. I'm sitting in my bedroom in my luxury apartment, watching Oprah, and blogging on my MacBook with my Prada glasses. Now before you judge me and write me off as a superficial, materialistic, elitist, prick let me just say that the only reason I mentioned all of those things was to demonstrate how blessed I truly am. I just got back from my 5 day, 4 night vacation in San Diego at the La Jolla Shores Hotel and I am still recovering from a nasty little bout of sickness with my allergies and what not thanks in large part to the season change, when I had yet another revelation in my life. I am so thankful for the blessings in my life.

I got into the UCDC program for this fall and the Model Congress program for the summer and I'm doing extremely well in school, with the exception of my Logic class and overall I'm doing very well for myself. My life is going according to plan. Me and J are great, never better. I have been partying it up since my 21st, I actually just got back from celebrating my birthday with my cousin Tena, a couple of weeks ago and I'm looking forward to going back home in the summer and visiting my mom and my sister. I'm know I'm rambling tonight but bear with me I'm going to make a point eventually. So yeah basically I'm really excited about wrapping up this semester, going to Irvine for the ABC Conference, going to DC for Model Congress, and going to DC in the fall. I'm taking some summer classes so I'm well set to graduate next May and I've started taking practice tests at home and I've been doing really well, so I'm considering taking the actual test in June. But enough about me already! So me and J were talking about the top ten problems with African Americans and education and I came up with 5 major problems and they are:

1. Slavery and Racism
2. Separation of Church and State
3. Jim Crow
4. The crabs in a barrel syndrome
5. Desegregation

The conversation was probably the most impacting that we've ever had and it fundamentally changed my perspectives on education. For quite some time, I have been a strong advocate for education in the African American community as one of the many solutions for the problems that plague us as a community. But my solution, much like the advice in the video blogs, on one of my favorite entertainment websites www.lovebscott.com was superficial, vague, and of relative or little substance. There was no meat in my solution and it did not truly address the roots of the issues that we face as a people in trying to educate and uplift ourselves. It was only a bandaid to a severe wound, much like affirmative action, reparations, preferential treatment, or the quota systems utilized by many corporations, institutions, and academies have been to African Americans in this country.

The damage done to the African American psyche was so extensive and far-sweeping, that not only did it physically damage the bodies of the slaves that it directly affected, but their minds and the minds of their offspring as well. Slavery, imperialism, racism, and capitalism perpetually handicapped the psyches of Africans and African Americans to such a great extent that it continues to adversely affect the minds of young Blacks through out this nation and probably throughout the African Diaspora. Now that's deep. So take a minute to digest that. Now come back. Imagine someone not only making you their servant but telling you that you and your people are servants, will always be subservient, and are good for nothing more than a life of servitude. That is all you will ever be and that is all your children will ever be!

That is some deep stuff and that is just my first point! So when mainstream America looks at people like Reverend White or Louis Farrakhan and calls them Anti-American, racist, hate-mongers, you have to really take a step back and wonder what's really going on there. And another thing, is look at Estelle, an upcoming British pop-singer, or any Black person in the media. Why do you have to make a controversial statement, or do something "outrageous" to get a little press. I swear I don't understand why talented Black people are not recognized more for their achievements. I swear society focuses way to much on negative things that Black people are doing than they do of the positive, which is another issue in and of itself.

But to make a long story, short, this list could go on and on. But due to the fact that I could write a dissertation on this topic, I'm going to sum it up by saying that there are probably hundreds of reasons why Blacks in large point, are the least-educated, less well-versed, most illiterate racial group in America. We do not make up large numbers of students in high school, college, or graduate/professional schools in this country. We are not the leading scholars in this country. We are not the ones largely involved in the most well-known and well-respected think tanks, computer software firms, public policies, or groundbreaking technology and it is not because we can't do it. It is not because we are inferior or lazy or incompetent. It is because for so long we have been told that we can't, we've been threatened that if we tried we would be killed, we have been ostracized by our own communities for trying, we have been preached to by our clergy to have faith rather than try, and we have been taught by people who never really believed in us or our abilities from the start. In my opinion these are the main reasons for the disparities in the education of African Americans.

But I represent a change. I represent the end of that era. I represent the dawn of a new day. I represent a new chapter in the story of African Americans. I represent hope. And every Black person in this country studying in a university to become the best in their fields represents the same. We are the future of our community. We are the voices of this nation and it will be our responsibility to solve the problems in the education of our Black children. The privilege that we enjoy today, is a result of the work our forefathers did before us and it is our responsibility to the same. If I don't leave you with anything else, let me leave you with this, education is the one of the most fundamental keys to a fulfilling, successful, meaningful life and the quest to learn the truth about one's self, one's history, one's achievements, one's struggles, and one's potential is perhaps the greatest gift one can be given in life. Embrace this gift wholeheartedly and I can almost promise you that you will not regret it. My only hope is that more people will heed these words. I truly believe it could change the world.

Sincerely,

Rodney K. Nickens Jr.
University of California, Merced, Inaugural Class of 2009
School of Social, Sciences, Humanities and Arts
History, with an emphasis in World History

The Legacy of Imperialism

2008-03-18T12:37:00.000-07:00

In my world history class we just wrapped up our study of imperialism and nationalism and their historical effects on society which eventually led to WWI. Essentially, we came to the conclusion that nationalism, much like race, was a social construction, created to do just the opposite of racism. Nationalism was this whole notion of an imagined community of various ethnic groups, languages, and cultures, that came together after the European Age of Enlightenment and sought to unite nations under common institutions, traditions, allegiances, and rights. Where as this notion of race was created during the European Age of Imperialism to establish a system of social stratification that was put in place to divide those in power from the various colonized ethnic groups in the Americas and the Pacific Islands and inevitably to marginalize and disenfranchise those who looked differently from those in power.

The point is that when it comes down to it we are a nation of immigrants afrom different races, from various backgrounds, cultures, ethnic groups, etc. and based on that fact alone, we really do have very little in common. From my experience, many people who are from relatively affluent, predominantly European backgrounds, speak standard English, and participate in mainstream, activities generally accepted as American pastimes, traditions, religions, and customs can rarely relate to individuals who are not from similar demographics. Furthermore, many rarely take the opportunity to even try to relate or to understand and appreciate the great diversity that other cultures, customs, religions, and backgrounds represent. Historically, we have a track record of this which can be exemplified not only in the Jim Crow Era, the Women's Liberation movement, the Civil Rights Movement, the LGQBT Movement, the Chicano(a) Movement, and the Native American Movement, as well as various other movements.

My point is that these divisions exist and have been sources to disenfranchise, exploit, marginalize, oppress, and persecute those who are not in positions of power. This marginalization has manifested itself in the form of racism, discrimination, prejudice, and bias and has holistically prevented many women, people who are LGQBT, of color, and who are economically or socially disavanataged, from essentially most positions of power. It has also played a major role in the degradation and subjugation that many of these individuals have faced in society, specifically in the media, television, film, employment, entrepreneurship, business, education, and government. Lastly, it has barred the mobility of a large portion of the American public from obtaining any means of advancing politically, socially, and ecomically.

This lack of cross-cultural understanding is the direct result of a lack of access to factual, unbiased, information about the actual history and experiences of various individuals in society. My experiences at a university, for the past three years, have taught me that for most of life I was undereducated. If it were not for the supplemental education that I received from my parents, I would probably be an exact product of my environment, much like many people in our society are direct replicas of their environment. My thirst for knowledge was encouraged and supported by my parents and teachers and enabled me to truly learn to respect and accept others who were different from me and it taught me to learn to appreciate their difference, and to seek out knowledge to not only learn more about what it is that makes me who I am, but also about what it is that makes others who they are as well. I attribute this as the primary reason why I am such an curious, open-minded, and progressive person.

I understand that we live in an increasingly changing and incredibly diverse society, but from my Southern roots, I also understand that in many places in our society, things are not changing as rapidly and the demographics, beliefs, and customs are still very homogeneous. In these parts, everyone looks the same, acts the same, dresses the same, and worships the same. On large part, many people are fearful of change. They like things the way that they are and although I appreciate and understand this perspective, I also understand the extreme implications it has on the rest of the country and the world. Additionally, I understand the importance for each and every person to venture outside of this comfort zone and attempt to learn something new about someone different, that you probably wouldn't have learned from a textbook that was printed with inaccurate and biased information. I truly believe that we live in such a remarkable country, and I so grateful to have had the opportunities that I have had as product not only of a middle/working class African American family, but also as the first generation in my family to attend a university, graduate, and hopefully soon enter a professional/graduate school. I am not sure if this could have been accomplished in any other country and I am very fortunate to be where I am today.

Nevertheless as a History major, I have studied every year, the stories of many Americans who weren't able to accomplish all that I have accomplished because of the oppression, exploitation, marginalization, and various other obstacles that they faced on a constant basis. I know all to well, that for many Americans, the story was not a positive one. It was a tale of struggle, to find the basic necessities to live a productive and meaningful life. It was a story of poverty and of injustice. It was a story of violence and discrimination. But most importantly it was a story of triumph. It was a story of relentless energy and spirit. It was a story of resilience, perseverance, and hope.

While we may come from different backgrounds, some rich and some poor, some black, red, brown, and yellow, and some white. Some Christian, some Muslim, and some in between, and some from here in the US and some from abroad, we are all here now and where we came from is not all that we are. We are so much more than geography, linguistics, religion, pigmentation, gender, and demographics. We are living, breathing, feeling people, with the potential to do amazing things in the world and I think that with a little respect and understanding we can truly work not to become colorblind but to become color conscious, to not ignore but acknowledge our differences as sources of inspiration and education and as a glimpse of the amazing complexities of the world. If this can be accomplished in any country in the world then I am almost certain that it is in this country. While I understand that this may take time I am hopeful that it can happen someday...someday soon, and I am hoping that I will be alive to see the day that it does.

Sincerely,

Rodney K. Nickens Jr.
~With Hope

I'm 21 Now Baby!

2008-03-12T20:06:00.000-07:00

So right now I'm sitting in the Senate meeting as usual, on a Wednesday night and of course it's interesting. I love being a student representative on the Senate and this experience has been such a fulfilling one. This further instills in me an intense desire to continue to do this work, to represent more students, more families, more communities, and to do greater work. I know that I was called to do this work and although I am very apprehensive about the nature of people and power, and am a bit idealistic about all of the issues that I can advocate for, I believe I was given this gift for a reason and I hope that I am able to accomplish it.

I am so inspired by Senator Barack Obama and his race to the White House and in light of the rather interesting comparisons to him that I receive for my style of leadership, I must say that he truly does uplift me and encourage me to be smarter, work harder, and to never give up on my dreams. I am such an ambitious person, and I, in part, owe that to my parents for being instrumental role models and supporters of me throughout my entire life.

Turning 21 this year has truly allowed me to grow intensely and despite the fact that many people say that when they turn 21 they don't feel any differently I must respectfully disagree. I feel completely different. I look back on my life and the decisions that I have made, my experiences, my struggles, and although in the past I have often criticized my parents for not having enough resources to provide me with the lifestyle that I would have liked, for not contributing to my college experience, by not supporting my sexuality, and various other issues, I must truly thank them for all that they have done right! Because, honestly I've done a lot of amazing things so that means that they must have done something right too!

God Bless America!

2008-02-15T23:35:00.000-08:00

Lord have mercy where do I start? Where do I start? There is so much going on in this country right now and my mind is just overwhelmed with everything that is happening. Lord have mercy on our souls!! Well first of all let me start of by saying I am sorry for not posting more often. I know I have a lot to say with my opinionated self and I know people like to read it! I've been really busy (I know how cliche' is that) but no seriously I've been all over the world, just got back from New Orleans (I'll try to talk about that later) and I have a midterm on Tuesday, and so I've just been tryna to get my life together and focus on what I need to do to get where I got to go!

But I wanted to fall out of my chair yesterday! I was sitting in my Logic and Critical Reasoning lecture, with Professor Johanssen and if I wasn't falling asleep! Whoever created Conditional Derivations needs to be put in a crazy house!! But I go to check my email and look at the news real quick and low and behold what do I see on the headline news section of CNN......ANOTHER college shooting and yes at another school that I know of...Northern Illinois University! Yes that is where I was last summer getting my LSAT and Pre-Law Preparation on with CLEO, the Council for Legal Education Opportunity, the program I work for! If I would have been at the school when that crazy man was shooting!! Lord! But anyway I felt so bad when I read that on there and then saw that those poor children that he killed were my age! I immediately texted one of my girls at NIU and made sure that she was ok and the everyone she knew was ok but y'all know I was worried to death! I hate seeing stuff like in the news! It makes me feel like even school isn't safe anymore! I'm so worried about the state that we are in as a nation, if people's only options is to go blowing people away and taking their own lives too! But I just wanna send my heart and prayers to all of those special people who lives were affected by the tragedy! We got to to do better than that y'all! Please try to show a little compassion in your lives!

On another note, let me just say Go Obama!! I know I have not been as active with the campaign as I would have liked but you better believe I'm still rooting for my boy from the sidelines! You better give it to Hillary/McCain!! They are not ready!! Y'all please let's Barack the Vote!!

Next, tell me why I had a fabulous V-Day and for once it wasn't Single's Awareness Day for me! But I'm not going to go into details but let's just say it was special time for me and everything is going so well! Can't wait to my Birthday get away! March 10 baby! 21 and kickin!!

So last week, the student government at UCMERCED, ASUCM took a delegation of Senators and Executive Officers to an ASGA Conference in New Orleans, LA and what an ordeal it was. We learned so much and it was so inspiring to meet all of the other student leaders who are doing it big across the country! Why does one college in Colorado have a 30 million dollar budget though? Can I get a cut of that!!?? But yeah it was tons of fun and New Orleans is such a party town! Lordy I thought I was in another country for a second with all those people acting a fool! The food was ok and the area that we were in didn't look like it was affected by Hurricane Katrina too much but maybe they just fixed that part because they know that's where the tourists go! Anyhow I just want to make a public statement for the students at UC Merced who don't agree with ASUCM's decision to go.

"I understand why some students are concerned with ASUCM spending so much money on a conference, however, I would encourage students to research a little more into the Bills and Resolutions that the Senate passes, especially the one regarding this trip. In the legislation it outlines the purpose of the trip, in detail, and where all of the funds went. I also want to ensure the students, that Clubs and Organizations can still request funds for their activities and in the near future the Budget and Finance Committee will be accepting budget calls for next year's budget."

So I sent off my application for Europe, for the Humanity in Action program last week and I'll be submitting my DC application for UCDC in the next coming days. I'm so excited to be solidifying my plans for the summer and for next semester. I am really looking forward to all of the amazing opportunities that are going to be available for me. I am really starting to seriously consider Howard University for Law School. It just seems like this particular institution is better suited for what I want to do, albeit Harvard or Georgetown would also be suitable for my political interests as well.

I sat down with J and we had a serious talk about my future and what I would like to do and I think after we finished I ended up more confused than when we started. I know for sure that I want to go to law school and that I want to practice but I'm still not sure if I should go straight into a JD program after undergrad. I don't particularly have a strong desire to go into a Master's Program however, if I don't get accepted into a favorable JD program then I don't really have any other options. Of course there's Peace Corps or Ameri Corps or a program like that but I really don't have a strong desire to do either of those. I want to go to law school and I want to become a lawyer as soon as possible point blank. So essentially what that means is that I am going to have to SERIOUSLY buckle down, get on my grind, get my grades ON POINT, and bust my LSAT out the roof! I'm talking 170+. So what that means is that I need to stop playing and start getting serious about JASD and studying practice tests and reading Logic books. So now I know what I have to do! Can someone please motivate me!

On a side note, this is to all of the haters, drama-filled, plastic, fake, phony people out there who make a living causing conflict, gossip, tension, and drama in other peoples lives...THANK YOU! You know I really don't know what the world would be with out all of you who feel the need to do nothing productive with your live other than hate on people who are doing something positive with their live, cause drama because your live is boring and meaningless, and cause endless drama for your own selfish indulgence. I love how instead of being a true courageous individual and being yourself, you choose to emulate other people that you could never be and act like something and someone that you are, quite frankly not! Please continue to do what you do! You truly are making the world a better place....NOT!

Now that I got that out of my system I just wanna say that I am so blessed and happy right now in my life and although I am no where near where I want to be politically, economically, or socially I am definitely en route! Wish me luck!

Love Always,

RKNJ

History Making Year

2008-01-31T12:55:00.000-08:00

I know people are getting tired of hearing about the 2008 Political Race for the White House, but I cannot contain my excitement about this year's Election. For one it is the first national election that I will truly have been able to express my opinion. In addition to this, it is the first election in which one of the major candidates for the White House, will be a black man or a white woman. This year is a history making year and for once in my life, I feel like I am apart of that history. I have said time and time again that I am supporting Barack Obama for president, and that regardless of whether or not he wins, I will continue to support him and truly believe that he is the best candidate for President, an exceptional leader, and a remarkably impressive man. But you know I've also said that I think he is going to win and you know what, I retract that statement. I KNOW HE IS GOING TO WIN. I am so excited and hopeful that my distaste for this country can at least be appeased to some extent by bringing Barack and Michelle Obama to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue in 2008 and I can't wait to make it happen. I must say that these past few months I've felt a little ambivalent by this whole campaign but his recent success have been so refreshing for me and I, as am many people in this country am so proud of him and Michelle. They are truly blessed and fascinating figures in American history and despite the outcome of this election, they have changed my life. Thy have made me dream of a better life for myself, my family, my friends, my country, and my world. I truly hope that God continues to bless them for inspiring me so much. I can't wait to meet them!

On another note, I am very excited for this semester. It's so funny how God works because when I first got back to school I was so over this semester, UC Merced, and college in general. I felt like I had exhausted this experience, but once the year got rolling that quickly changed. Next week ASUCM is going to a National Student Government conference in New Orleans and I am so excited about this trip. Then there's the UCSA Lobby Conference in Sacramento in March, my 21st birthday and my cruise to Ensenata, Mexico, and spring break in the Bay Area, the African Black Coalition Conference in Irvine in April, and there's a strong possibility that I will be spending a month in Europe at a Human Rights Fellowship Program this summer, not to mention the strong possibility that I will be participating in the UCDC Internship in Washington this fall. This is such an exciting time for me and I am so hopeful that all of these amazing opportunities will provide me with framework and the passion to continue to fight on for social justice throughout law school, and in my career.

My next major challenge is to master the LSAT this spring. I plan on taking it in the Fall and right now my scores are far from where I need them to be. Lately I've also been thinking about my future and my career plans if next fall is not the right time for Law School for me. When Senator Obama becomes President, I would love to go work for him. I would be willing to do just about anything just to have the opportunity to work in some fashion for or with him. However, the likelihood of me getting an internship in the White House after graduation are pretty slim. I know that as soon as I get to Washington I have to get to work building relationships with people that are doing the work that I want to do. I would love to do an internship with the Congressional Black Caucus, or the NAACP, or the Department of Justice so I need to get to work an find out what opportunities are out there and how I can capitalize on them.

Well that's all for now, I am in my History and Literature of the 1960s class and we're watching a movie on Berkeley and the crazy movements that we're going on out there that would help to establish the radical activism reputation that Berkeley is still known for today! GO RADICALS!!! Love you all and thanks for keeping up with me and putting up with my crazy antics! I'll try to blog more often and more interesting topics! Take care everyone and please remember to be the change you wish to see in the world!

Best wishes,

RKNJ

The Power of Inspiration

2008-01-04T01:30:00.000-08:00

I am extremely humbled and honored by the amazing people in my life. God has truly blessed me and allowed tremendously incredible people to come into my life and work wonders and for that I am overwhelmingly grateful. I truly cannot speak highly of the extraordinary friends and family that I have been blessed with. I do not know where I would be were it not for each and everyone of you. Thank you so much from the very bottom of my heart. You are greatly appreciated.

Today was a historic day by which I am completely and honestly fascinated by. Today I am hopeful that this nation can truly change. Today I am hopeful that the corruption that has defined this nation since its inception, the injustices that have been wrought against people of various backgrounds, the legacy of slavery, segregation, and Jim Crow, and the problems that we face as a country can truly be overcome with great people working towards fixing them. I am confident that today marks the beginning of that process.

Today was the Iowa primary, the beginning of a special caucus, in which each state gets to choose who they would like the Democratic or Republican party to nominate for president and tonight, Senator Barack Obama of Illinois, a scholar and leader of African descent, overwhelmingly won that contest against incredibly powerful and influential candidates of European descent, in a state that is overwhelmingly of European descent.

This moment speaks volumes to my heart and soul that this country truly is changing for the better. I believe that this moment marks the end of the history of racial oppression and violence that has been and is continously being inflicted on the many American people of African descent. I am truly grateful for the remarkable people who have laid their lives on the line long before I was even thought of so that this day would come. I am hopeful that together we as a collective group of people can continue to break the barriers that have been preventing us from uplifting politically, economically, and socially in this country and throughout the world. I am hopefuly that racism in this country, and inevitably in the world, is truly coming to an end.

On a slightly different note, I must be honest and say that this moment does not come at a surprise to me at all. In the past I had never been one too fond of politics. It all seemed far to complex and confusing to me. However, Senator Barack Obama inspired me from day one. Since the very first time I heard him open his mouth and felt his spirit transcend into mine, I knew that there was something special about this young, light skinned, high yellow, attractive, eloquent, and brilliant man from Honolulu, Hawaii. I felt it in my spirit and I was sure that other people would feel it too. And surely enough they have. The Obama sensation is catching on and although I am more than certain that there will be seemingly insurmountable odds stacked against him in the moments to come, I am yet still hopeful that a change is gonna come.

As a Black American, I have learned that in this life there will always be odds stacked against you. This is the legacy of oppression in this country. However, I am hopeful that despite whatever may happen in the weeks and months to come, Barack Obama's mission for the president inspires people around the world to continue to strive for change. This is truly an amazing country and the people in this country are what makes it amazing. I hope that, we as Americans are inspired by this brilliant leader and revolutionary, and that this inspiration empowers us to recogonize our own brilliance and to truly live to our fullest potential. I honestly believe that we are all wonderful made people and were created to live up to that divineness. Can't you feel the power of inspiration?

So in closing, I would like to say that 2008 is truly starting off to be an interesting year and I am very anxious to see how it continues to play out. I have a feeling that this is going to be a pretty good year for me and for this country. Let's see how it continues to play out. Please be blessed and take care!

Sincerely,

RKNJ

P.S. By the way, if I didn't tell you already, I hope you have a happy and prosperous New Year!

I Am Ready to Be Incredible

2008-01-01T20:53:00.000-08:00

As long as I can remember I have always had someone in my life pushing me to be incredible. Whether it was my mom or dad, a Band Director, coach, tutor, trusted mentor, peer, or friend; I have always had someone in my life who believed in me. Someone always believed that I could be somebody one day, that I would be somebody one day, and that I had the potential to do something great. Whether or not I actually believed in myself and my own abilities was never a real concern to me. By virtue of everyone else's belief I believed. I was sold. Whatever dreams or desires I expressed, there was always someone to support me. There were always people in my life lifting me up and encouraging me to excel.

As a look back on my life, I find that there were also always incredibly supportive people in my life daring me to dream, to be ambitious, to work harder, to give it my all, and to never settle for less. The male role model, father figure type that I desperately craved throughout my adolescence especially after my mother and father's separation constantly encompassed itself in several men throughout my journey who have made tremendous impacts in my life. Their influence, their encouragement, and their wholehearted belief in me and my gifts and abilities are the reasons I have become the man that I am today.

Their unwavering support and relentless spirits instilled in me an immense belief in myself that has not retreated to this day. Looking back at my 20 years of existence I have come to the amazing understanding that throughout my life I was taught that I would be incredible. And now at the beginning of the year 2008 I am finally ready. I want it more than anything in the world. I can taste it. I eat, sleep, and breathe it. I know that it is coming and that I am so desperately close I can feel it. That day is near and finally I am at a point where I am truly ready to accept it. Ladies and gentlemen, brace yourselves, I am ready to be incredible!

I am at a beautiful place in my life right now where I am growing and evolving at such a rapid pace and things that were once so confusing to me are now becoming crystal clear. I now understand that the events leading up to this point in my life, both good and bad, have all have been strategically placed in my life in preparation for my divine purpose and ultimate destination.

It's fascinating how throughout much of my life I was often made to feel like an outcast, like something was wrong with me, like I didn't belong, that I didn't fit in, essentially that I was different from other people and not in a positive way. I felt like it was my awkwardness that made me that way, but now I understand more than I ever have, that my differences, my so-called weaknesses, are the very things that shaped me into the person I am today. They are the very things that will make me great.

For a long time I fought these feelings of inadequacy attempting to silence them in any way that I could. The harder I fought, it seemed as if the larger they became. But as a I have continued to grow on this journey we call life I am learning to accept and appreciate these things as part of the incredible and wonderfully made person that I am....Rodney Kendell Nickens Jr.

Throughout the trials and tribulations that I have had to overcome, the personal insecurities, confidence issues, the lack of true self awareness, the egotism, the arrogance, the control issues, the lack of true self esteem, the jealousy, the hatred, the disappointment by family and friends, everything that I have had to go through. I AM FINALLY TRULY AND COMPLETELY OVER IT!! I'm done with that chapter and I am ready to turn the page of the story of my life and truly embrace my destiny.

I am ready for God to use me in every way necessary as a vessel for His work. I am ready to answer my calling for this world.

All of the corruption, the unsolvable problems, the many issues and concerns, the injustices, the atrocities, the hatred, the war, the crimes must all cease. And you better believe I am going to have something to do with eradicating them. I am embracing my mission in life. I am ready to accept my destiny. I am ready to change the world. It is now time for me to stand.

Sincerely,

RKNJ

Am I Mistaken?

2007-12-30T23:14:00.000-08:00

You know, I try to keep up with the news daily just to get an idea of what's going on in the world and I tell you everyday it gets more depressing. Senator Barack Obama once inspired me to have the audacity to hope that this country could positively change with the help of ordinary people. I hope that I'm not losing that hope. I am 20 years old and I have lived in America all of my life. As an American I have lived a wonderful life but 2 years ago something changed in me and I began to notice that the wonderful country that I lived in, was not as wonderful as I would have thought. Don't get me wrong, I do love living here. I love the beautiful diversity of the cultures, languages, customs, and expressions. I love the great breadth of variety in food, dances, songs, and artwork. I love the creativity that fuels are ever changing and evolving technologically advanced society. I love waking up and knowing that I am safe and secure, at least somewhat in my own apartment, and in my own room. I love going to school and learning about the great history of my people and where I originated from. I love learning but at the same time I hate it. I hate knowing that there are good people but they are vastly outnumbered by terribly evil people. I hate knowing that there are people that actually find pleasure in wrecking terror and pain on others. I hate knowing that there are people who hate me and people who look like me, simply because of the color of my skin, the way I carry myself, and for who I am. I hate knowing that when I graduate I will have to compete with people who have had a 5, 10, 15, 20, 50, 100, 250, and 500 year head start in terms of access to resources, information, and privilege. I hate knowing that before I even get started I am light years behind. I hate knowing that despite all of the amazing things I do in this world, nothing will ever really matter. I hate knowing that the beautiful country that I live in with its majestic mountainsides, picturesque ocean fronts, and amazing sunsets, is ran by people who could care less about anyone but themselves. Honestly I do want to see change in the world. And like Ghandi once said I am trying my best to be that change. I am trying my best to do it and not just talk about it and everyone around me tells me that I will play an important role in instrumenting that change. But honestly I don't know if it will be enough. I don't know if I will be enough. I know that I have a great purpose in the world but I don't know if even that will matter. The problems are so large. One professor from Morehouse College once challenged me to think on a global scale. And I truly do want to meet that challenge but the problems facing the world are so insurmountable. But like MLKJ once said, I have a dream. But my dream is a little different. I imagine a world of peace and faith, a world of hope, a world of fairness and true justice. I envision a world fueled by love, peace, and hope rather than greed, money, and corruption. I dream of a world of true beauty and wonder not terror and destruction. I envision leaders of true character and morals not false charisma and propaganda. I dream of a world where boys and girls can truly dream to be and do anything that their hearts desire regardless of socially constructed gender roles, race, creed, or ethnicity, or sexual preferences or orientation. Most of all I dream of a world where everything that is done is done for the Creator, to honor and glorify the one who made it all possible. Perhaps this is an audacious dream. Maybe my college education is making me extremely idealistic. Maybe this will never happen. Maybe it will. Who knows? But everyone can dream a little right? I dream big.

Sincerely,

RKNJ

Who Would Have Thought?

2007-12-29T20:57:00.000-08:00

Folks, today is now officially the third last day of the year and in the American tradition, I am now beginning to examine myself and this past year and I am realizing all of the things that I would like to change about myself in the year to come. I am planning for 2008 to be a great year. I will be turning 21, starting my Senior Year of college at UCM, applying to and beginning my internship in Washington, D.C., taking the LSAT and applying to law school, and a host of other endeavors.

This is a tremendous milestone for me and I am very excited. The road to 2008 has been a very turbulent and rocky one and through the past three years a lot has changed in my life both for the good and the bad. I lost and regained relationships with my family and friends, I found the courage to accept a leadership position at school, ran for student body president, held a part-time job, and managed to balance 16+ credit hours of school each semester. I have learned valuable lessons about life with my getting my first apartment, paying bills, budgeting my money, traveling and meeting new people across the country, participating in a pre-law summer institute in Illinois, learning to share my space with roommates, and learning how to effectively work in a group. But throughout it all the qualities that I have developed have shaped the man that I am becoming and will be for the rest of my life.

Since Freshman year, I have been on a long journey of self discovery, searching for self confidence and acceptance in this crazy world as a black man in America. My college experience allowed for the natural leader within me to shine and although I was struggling with my own internal social, emotional, sexual, and mental insecurities, I was able to find inner peace to effectively execute the tasks that I felt were important. However, in the process I think that I neglected all of the inner issues in my life and tried to hide them and shut them away in a little box.

In the process, I masked them with self confidence, conviction, assurance, pride, and perhaps arrogance in my other abilities, my talents, my intellect, and natural gifts. My hope for 2008 is that I can find a healthy balance in my life in terms of my social, emotional, mental, and sexual well-being while not compromising my academic, professional, and career goals. As the ambitious person that I am, I have never been one to devote unnecessary time and energy to tasks or pastimes that I felt were unworthy. However, for the sake of my spiritual and physical growth in the new year I plan to do some serious self evaluation and prayer to ensure that I continue to evolve into a positive and peaceful individual that loves self, others, and God and offers something valuable to my family, community, and the world.

Flaws and All

2007-12-29T02:47:00.000-08:00

I don't want to sound corny but Beyonce's song Flaws and All is so true. That song is so beautiful and it actually reminds me of my relationship with God. Although I hardly would profess to be the most devoutly committed Christian, I definitely do have a relationship with a higher power and at times when I don't know or understand why He does the things that he does, I stop and think to myself that He is God. If He did the things that He does for a reward or recognition who would be the one to pat Him on the back? So despite me inequity and constant faults, He will never stop loving me and blessing me. Today Tiffany told me that I was going to be rewarded for the positive things that I do for God and honestly it surprised me because I wasn't expected anything for my work. It was just assumed that I would do what I do and it really took me back for a second. God is so good and although I definitely wasn't in a predicament or anything like that it, it was definitely wonderful to know that I was appreciated. It's little things like that, that give me the strength to go on and to continue to do the work of the Lord.

Sincerely,

RKNJ

Learning to Love

2007-12-25T17:36:00.000-08:00

Tuesday December 25, 2007
Merry Christmas! Today was such an interesting day. For one, it was the first Christmas that I spent with my family on the East Coast since I graduated from High School. My family looks so beautiful and it was so great to see everyone. The older folks haven't changed that much but the younger ones have grown so much in these past few years its incredible. I'm slowly finishing up Harris' memoir, "What Becomes of the Broken Hearted," and it has inspired me so much. Now I feeling like I am ready to start formulating my first novel but I know that, that is such a huge undertaking and with studying for the LSAT, getting ready to start my application for the UCDC application, and getting ready for my last semester of my Junior Year, I know that I am going to be pressed for time. I am so proud of myself for how well I did this first semester. I only hope that I can do even better next semester. I was so close to a 4.0 I could taste it.

Winter vacation has allowed me to reflect on not only this past year but these past two years and how far I've come and how much I am growing. I am very excited about 2008 and the next stage of life that I am about to enter. I hope to progress over the course of the last week of 2007 and to began adopting techniques and strategies that will improve how I communicate and how I influence other people.

Hopefully with a new attitude I can produce better results and have better outcomes. This is especially important to me because whether I like it or not I am a role model and people look up to me. I must be a man of my word and I must live a life that is favorable in the eyes of God. I am so glad that I had the conversation with Tenesha that I did. It really renewed my faith in Christianity at a time when I was considering denouncing my religion. She is such a beautiful person inside and out and God is working wonders in her life as well. It has been such a blessing to have the opportunity and the means to spend so much time with people that mean so much to me.

Sincerely,

RKNJ

P.S.

Below are some past blogs from when I didn't have an internet connection. Feel free to catch up so you can have a better idea of what's going on in my life...

Sunday December 16, 2007

I finally got my mac today!! I am so excited and happy I don't know what to do! It's
everything I could have dreamed of and more. I am so blessed! God is good! Tonight was my first night back in Orange County since August and I can honestly say that it's starting out a lot better than usual. For one my father and I had the first honest conversation in a long while tonight at IHOP after he picked me up from the Amtrak train station. I don't know what prompted it but I suppose we both felt like talking and obviously we had a lot on our hearts and minds.The train ride was pleasant I suppose. It seemed like it took forever because I had to wait at Union Station for a bit but other than that I didn't have too many issues. Jasmine took me to the train station and stayed the entire time until my train arrived.

It seems that ever since we had that talk she has become such an incredible friend. She even let me drive her car to work one afternoon. But back to the conversation with my father. I don't know exactly how to feel about it but I'm glad we talked though. It definitely is a positive start for a relationship that needs much work.

Sincerely,

RKNJ

Monday December 24, 2007

Sometimes when I'm as bored as I've ever been I find myself going back to what I love the most...writing. Writing to me is the most basic of human actions and the ability to conceive of words and to record them is one of my most proud talents. I am so blessed to have the ability to express myself through writing and it is something that I wish I could find the time to do it my busy life. The life of a college student is definitely a strenuous state of existence but I am so proud of myself for
enduring it and performing so well under so much pressure.

Today is Christmas Eve and I am spending this wonderful night with my beautiful mother, the woman who has sacrificed so much so that I my might be successful and happy. We are having a wonderful time, talking, laughing, and enjoying each other's company. Earlier she gave me a pedicure and although it wasn't as beautiful as I've grown accustomed to, it meant the world to me. Right now I'm starting to choke up because I feel so much love for her and it makes me so emotional. I can feel God working in my life and I am overwhelmed by the wonder of His work. Right now she's cooking dinner for tomorrow, simply because I asked her, and although I had to pay for the food, it doesn't bother me a bit. I am eternally grateful for everything that she has done for me. I am the person that I am today because of my mother.

On the other hand I am really concerned with the state of my relationship with my sister, Tiffany. When we were younger, we were so close and sometimes we have moments where it feels like those days. But ever since I went off to college she has harbored resentment towards me and we have not been able to get along. She always has an attitude whenever I'm around and sometimes it seems like whatever I say or do to her causes a negative chain of events. Since I've been home everything I have spent time with her it has went sour and I am at a point right now where I don't want to see her anymore, at least for a while.

Basically I have gotten to the point where I am cool off of her and it makes me feel bad because I know how important she is to me and it hurts me that she doesn't feel the same way toward me as I do toward her. I feel like whenever she needs me I am there for me but she does not provide me with the same support. I feel like she doesn't even care how I am doing or what's going on in my life. Simply put, I feel like she is mirror of me and I don't know how to communicate with myself. This situation has really concerned me because she magnifies all of the characteristics about myself that cause problems in my life. The characteristics that I hate about myself, seem to manifest themselves in incredible amounts in her and it bothers me so much. Nothing or no one else matters to her except her and despite how everyone around her treats her, she can do nothing but treat everyone poorly.

As the intellectual scholar that I am, I have a natural desire to try to examine and analyze her and to attempt to solve her problems for her. Although I know that I cannot do this, I still have the desire. I want more than anything to fix her so that she can be the positive Tiffany, that I need her to be and I know that I don't have the power to do this. I must surrender this desire to God and pray that it is in His will that Tiffany be molded and shaped into a woman of God and that His light shines through her and illuminates me as well.

Sincerely,

RKNJ

Accepting People as They Are and Not Letting It Get To You

2007-12-23T14:38:00.001-08:00

I am having such a great time in Virginia chilling with my family and friends. I feel like this trip was so necessary at this point in my life. School has been going very well but the longer I am in California, the more I realize that California is not the place that I want to be for the rest of my life. My experience has been such an incredible one but I have also adapted to the lifestyle there in a way that directly conflicts with my morals and values. Coming back to Virginia has allowed me to revisit my foundation and become grounded in the reason I went to California in the first place which was to successfully accomplish my academic and professional goals and aspirations, not to become immersed in a superficial culture and lifestyle.

The only problem that I have had, is my relationship with a certain member of my immediate family thus the title of this blog. It has become so hard for me to simply accept people as they are and not let how they respond to me affect how I react. For the past two years I have experienced relationships flourish and fail miserably and I am slowly coming to the realization that it is the way that I have been responding to people that has caused issues not necessarily the people themselves. I must learn to accept that people are human and are bound to have issues and that I do not have any control over that. The only thing that I can control is how I respond to their issues and everything else I must take to the Lord. I am so excited for the rest of my vacation. My hopes are that I have an awesome time fellow-shipping with family and friends, that I don't spend too much money, and that I do my best to behave appropriately and respectively to everyone that I come into contact with. I honestly want this time to be a drama and stress free time and I am going to do my best to ensure that, that is a reality. Wish me luck!

Sincerely,

RKNJ

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

2007-11-27T00:20:00.000-08:00

Wow. It's been quite awhile since I blogged and I suppose today was as good a day as many to type up my thoughts at the moment. This past weekend was Thanksgiving Break and I must say it was such blessing to get away and go back to the city and party it up with my friends. My only regret was that I didn't get to see my family this year. They went to Mexico and between me hanging out with my roommate, Rajani, and her family and hanging out with Jonathan there just wasn't time for me to go to Orange County and definitely not to Mexico. Life for me is going so well I really am so blessed to have my health, happiness, and family and friends. I'm so excited about this break because I'm going to finally get to go home and visit and I'm going to DC for a conference with my CLEO family which is going to be great! I lot has been going on in my life right now and it's really an exciting time for me. I'm finishing up my first semester of my Junior year at UC Merced, preparing for the Law School Admissions Test in June and applying for my internship for the fall in Washington D.C. I even came to the epiphany that after I finish my undergrad I would like to pursue a career in entertainment or fashion. I still plan on going to law school but it wouldn't surprise me if I took a Hill Harper move and became a fall-time singer/actor/model after I finished. It's something I always wanted to pursue but never had the courage to do but with the new developments in my life I am finally coming into my own skin and growing into the man that I am going to be for the rest of my life. I am so ready for these 3 weeks to be over. This semester has been crazy and so much has changed but a lot has stayed the same. I wonder how different next semester will be. Tonight I did something that I had been thinking about doing for quite some time and I must say I am not regretting it at all. It was definitely time for a change but I can't wait to see the reaction's that I am going to get. It was something that I needed to do for me and I hope that my friends and family will accept and be okay with that. But I must get started on my presentation for my History class. I am so behind in my end of the semester research projects. I have 3 papers due and 2 presentations, not to mention a Final all in the course of the next 3 weeks. Wish me luck everyone!

Sincerely,
RKNJ

Like You'll Never See Me Again

2007-11-12T20:21:00.000-08:00

For all of you who haven't heard Alicia Key's new song, "Like You'll Never See Me Again" you need to go to MTV.com and buy her CD tomorrow because it is so bomb. This weekend was so amazing and I would be wrong if I didn't start this article by giving thanks to my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ because without Him I would be no thing, no where, and no one. This weekend was the 19th Annual Student of Color Conference at UC Santa Cruz, and so I took the weekend off and packed up my things for another interesting sequence of events. Throughout the weekend I was a bit exhausted because the previous week I had burned myself hanging out late and partying. So I was definitely not at my best but that didn't stop me from "bringing my "A" game, according to Juan and meeting lots of amazing people and having tons of fun. The conference was full of fantastic speakers, students, workshops, performances, and the food wasn't half bad either. The only flaw was the organization of the conference, UCSC's campus is definitely not "conference friendly" with all of those damn hills and trees. Also I was stressed out about all of these damn papers that I have to write for my damn history classes. I must say the least of my worries is my extra-curricular activities because after being eliminated from one of my commitments I have seen my stress level decrease dramatically. I wanted to write these blog though because I wonder how many people interact with me like they'll never see me again and also how many people I interact like that. I know there's this really cliche saying "Seize the day" and I really want to live my life like day. The death of Kanye West's mother is a clear example that life is not promised and that everyday is TRULY a blessing. My hearts and prayers go out to him and everyone affected by her death because I know that I, for one, was affected and immediately called my mom when I heard the news. Lately I have also been a bit concerned about my trip home. I really want to go home for the holidays but I apprehensive about whether I can really afford to take off and go. Hopefully, with the help of my Lord and Savior, everything will work out and I will be able to see my family once again before the new year rolls in. Well I better get back to work. I just wanted to comment on that topic and give an update about what's been going on in my life.

Peace and Blessings,

RKNJ

Love Is Truly All That Matters

2007-10-31T01:20:00.000-07:00

I was listening to one of my favorite country artists, Carrie Underwood, on my iHome last night while taking my shower before my bed time rituals and came to the realization that more than anything love is truly all that matters. People spend their entire lives in search of money, material possessions, fame, when ultimately none of that will matter if one does not have love in their life. For the past two years I have been on a campaign for change at UC Merced all the while neglecting myself and my true desires. I have been overwhelming myself trying to make an impact as much as I can, wherever I can and I have forgotten the simple things that my mother always taught me, proverbs such as "a little goes a long way." I am finally coming to the realization that I don't need to burn myself out to find true fulfillment in life. All I need is love. This week has perhaps been the culmination of my stress fest, what with my having missed 3 days last week, coming back with two midterms, readings, meetings, etc. I was more than a little stressed out especially having had one of the most luxurious weekends I've had all month. Now the purpose of this blog is not to start a aww Rodney chorus, but simply to come full circle to what I need to do to be healthy and happy. My life thus far has truly been such a journey and I am finally coming into my own skin, so to speak and learning first to love God and second to love myself. It's been hard because you always take for granted the things that are giving to you and yourself is no exception. It's time that I start putting my needs before my goals because if I'm not enjoying the process chances are that I won't enjoy the outcome as much either. Yet and still my dilemma lies in whether or not I should just cut things cold turkey or slowly ease my way out or yet and still try to drag my way through it. It's a tough situation and one I could definitely use talking with a professional about. Hopefully I will talk to someone about it soon. Lately I've been much more spiritual than I usually am. Perhaps God will help me come through this tough time.

Sincerely,

RKNJ

Letting Go of Fear and Insecurities

2007-10-29T01:49:00.000-07:00

I don't care how confident I may seem or how I may appear to carry myself with self-assurance, arrogance, and egotism, that is truly not who I am. I am no different that anyone else. I do have insecurities, I fear, I cry, I am sensitive, and often unsure of myself and my role in interacting with others. That notwithstanding, some would say that the image that I portray is a facade and I would have to argue the contrary. Though I may be perceived as confident and often feel inadequate, I am both. I am confident. I know that I am an intelligent, strong, talented, privileged, Black man and I am very proud of those things. They have made me who I am today. But I also know that I have a responsibility to use those gifts for the benefit of mankind. As Stan Lee once famously said in "Spider-Man" with great power comes great responsibility." Knowing that I have been blessed makes me even more self-aware. I do not understand why I have been no blessed and often times I feel undeserving which accounts for my frequent feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt. Coupled with my insecurities regarding my ethnicity and my sexual orientation, this makes for a very insecure person who often takes part in many counter-productive activities.

All of this notwithstanding I had an exceptional 5-day weekend which started with my meeting with UCAAD in Oakland and culminated with my Aunt Ramona's 50th Birthday celebration in Downtown Hayward, which was by the way a fantastic night!

On Friday I left Dublin for San Francisco. The Student Advising and Learning Center had booked two rooms at the Holiday Inn for the members of the Merced Pre-Law Society, who were attending the UC Hastings Diversity Outreach Day Event on Saturday. So I took BART to the city arrived in my hotel, began to unwind and waited for the rest of the group. I was unsure how I would interact with the group because many of the members were not in my circle of influence and I therefore felt that I would be out of my element. To some extent I was, but with the addition of a certain beverage and inhalant that seems to have the ability to connect people across backgrounds, this issue soon dwindled at least to some extent.

I thoroughly enjoyed my evening with the members of the MPLS and we had an awesome time at the hotel, at Westfield Mall, and hanging out with some random German exchange students.

On Saturday we somehow managed to wake up, get dressed, and proceed, early I might add, 3 blocks to UC Hastings for the Law School Event. I was very proud of our group for 1) making it to the event, and 2) behaving for the most part exceptionally well throughout the entirety of our trip. The morning workshop by Anthony Solana was excellent and I was very impressed with his knowledge and his presentation. I was however, a bit saddened by the lack of more individuals of his caliber doing more to bring more folks of color to the legal profession. After Solana, we listened to Hastings faculty, which was also particularly interesting, especially a certain male law professor and practicing attorney. The rest of the day consisted of formal and informal students panels which were very impacting and inspiring, food, and finally our groups departure.

grand stairway, and a contemporary DJ. The mood was right, the music was right, and the champaign was BOMB!! By my sixth or seventh glass I was officially feeling NICE and proceeded to the dance floor where some of my more exciting dance moves proceeded to shock and embarrass some attendants and specific homophobic members of my family. That notwithstanding I enjoyed the company of my cousin, Christinah and her cousins and friends, and had an amazing time at my aunt's party celebrating in all of her success and achievement. Although, she often challenges my ideology, I am very thankful to have her in my life as a constant source of Black female empowerment. Though I am not a Black woman, my identity as Black LGBQT male allows me toFollowing the Law School Event, I caught BART back to Dublin, got dressed, and caught BART to Hayward for the party. The party was very classy with a gourmet Buffet-style dinner, a be very sympathetic to the plight of Black women in this country and I am inspired more so, in many cases, by many prominent Black women in our society. The evening culminated with my impromptu College Talk with my cousin Evan and his cousins and friends. Embracing my role as College "Counselor" I offered them unsolicited advice in high school and life and encouraged to "stay on their shit and not get caught up," despite my drunken state.

Somehow by the grace of God I made it back to Dublin, slightly hungover but nonetheless rested, and was on my way back to my apartment in Merced. Now it is time for me to truly be honest to myself and to rid myself of fear and insecuritiy, as Anthony Solana so articulately put it, and truly stand and act proudly in the manner in which was intended that I do. I am Rodney Nickens Jr. and it is time for all of the world to know.

Sincerely,

RKNJ

The Beginning of my Journey

2007-10-25T20:09:00.000-07:00

Today was the beginning of something bigger than me. Have you ever had the feeling that you were living in a moment that you would remember for the rest of your life? Well if you have then you can probably relate to how I feel about today. Today was nothing particularly special. I didn't have any uh-huh moments of anything to that effect. It was a really simple, not too much out the ordinary day. What was so special about today was me. Today I finally came to the realization and acceptance of who I really am and I'm ok with that.

The day started off not unlike many other days in the crazy life of Rodney Nickens Jr. I woke up, late, as usual and rushed to get ready. However, what was different about today was that I was not rushing to get to class this morning. I was rushing to get to my meeting at UCOP. I am the University of California Student Association System-wide Committee Undergraduate Representative for the University Committee on Affirmative Action and Diversity. Long title huh? lol! Basically my responsibilities includes advocating on behalf of students throughout the UC system on issues particularly UC Merced, reporting to UCSA with action items and recommendations, and bringing UCAAD policies and directives to UCSA, ASUCM, and the Academic Senate at UC Merced.

Ok! Whew! Glad I got that out of the way. But anyhow, I caught a taxi to the BART station and took BART to Oakland in record time and got to my meeting a modest 10 minutes late. Despite my initial feelings, when I stepped into the room I immediately felt comfortable. I thought that I would feel intimidated on behalf of my being a young, African American male, relatively inexperienced undergraduate student, with locks, diamond earrings, etc. For whatever reason that society may have socialized me to have, I felt inadequate and incompetent and I felt as if my fellow committee members would feel that I was as well. But this was not the case.

The committee members were some of the brightest, most progressive, and sharp faculty that the UC has to offer in my opinion: Doctor, Historians, Educators, Scientists, our committee had it all. After much contemplation I realized that I did have something to contribute and that I wasn't inadequate or incompetent and that my presence alone spoke volumes to the very reason why UCAAD is even in existence. I realized that I represent the future of the University of California. I realized that I am diversity and I have a right and a responsibility to the students of the University of California, and future students to be there!

After the realization of my self-worth I started to think about education and some of my priorities. More than anything I desperately want to see the UC produce more progressive Black professionals. For too long in this country we have been producing Black professionals who feel like since they made it then everyone else can too and obviously that mantra just isn't working. We need Black people who understand that as you're clawing your way to the top you NEED to pull someone up with you! Not only for the success of the individual(s) that you're helping but for your success and the success of our institution, our state, our country, and our world. By denying underrepresented minorities, particularly Black people the right to equal access and opportunities we are doing a tremendous disservice to various industries and institutions. I don't want to get too much into Black politics but I felt that I needed to bring this issue up in light of the recent wildfires in Southern California. Any Black person with a shred of sense can't help but notice the speedy pace at which our government and our media are aiding Southern California and the victims of the Wildfire, who predominantly happen to be White, in stark contrast to the sluggish pace at which was offered the victims of Hurricane Katrina, who just so happened to be predominantly African American. Issues like this are just absolutely unacceptable. I cannot comprehend why situations like this are still occurring in 2007. I was telling Cynthia Mosqueda, the Graduate Student Rep. that I am just so disappointed at the pace at which our university and know that I think about it, our country, is moving to address issues of race, sex, and sexual orientation. It's so frustrating and at times I really become quite angry about it.

Nonetheless today was very positive day for me and I am very excited to work with the UCADD members this year. And I am even more excited for the UC Student of Color Conference in a couple of weeks. I hope that we are able to get some money for it because I really want to go.

This is such an incredibly exciting time in my life and although, I still do not have a car, and a m in a fairly significant amount of debt, and overextended in my extra-curricular commitments, and have a midterm to study for, I am still very content and happy with my progress thus far. I believe that I have done a lot of things that many 20 year-old, 1st generation to attend college, African American, LGBQT, out-of-state, products of single families, have not and that makes me proud and hopeful that just as I have been able to accomplish so much, so can so many others if we all lend a helping hand to one another in peace and solidarity.

Best wishes,

Rodney K. Nickens Jr.
RKNJ