So if you may or may not have heard, I was recently admitted into my top-choice Graduate program at UCLA (Master of Arts in Afro-American Studies). Aside from containing my incredible excitement over the rapid developments of the next phase in my life, I have been bombarded with studying for my Sociology of Gender midterm and reflecting on what this will mean for me, my career, my family, my friends, and essentially my life. While I am certainly excited to be pursuing my Master's and getting ready to study for the LSAT and apply to law school I am definitely scared, nervous, anxious, apprehensive which I'm sure many will be surprised to know. Although I appear to be the quintessential overachiever I most certainly have my weak moments and I suppose success in any aspect of life has the tendency to make even the most confident people a little overly analytical.
I suppose I will start with what this will mean for my career. This spring I will finish my Bachelor's Degree requirements at UC Merced and graduate with honors as a member of the inaugural class of 2009. If everything goes according to plan, our First Lady, Mrs. Michelle Obama will deliver the key-note address at our Commencement Ceremony and after graduation I will move to Los Angeles to take graduate classes at UCLA during the summer and work in a legal non-profit, law firm, or legislative office on some social justice cause that I am hopefully at least somewhat passionate or interested in. I will begin the fall quarter on September 22 and officially start as a Graduate Student at UCLA, where I will immediately make a name for myself on the campus and especially among the law faculty with the hopes of being admitted into the law school in 2011. I will complete my Master's Thesis while studying for the LSAT (taking the test in June 2010), gaining more experience, working and hopefully saving money, paying off most of my car, and hopefully getting graduate housing on campus or my own place in Westwood (or the surrounding communities).
Next is the inevitable effect on my family, or should I say the lack of effect on my family. I suppose the biggest negative aspect of me getting accepted is the lack of emotional support and positive encouragement from my family (father, mother, sister primarily). It's not that I need their support or that I need validation from them or anything of that nature. It's more a matter of principle. I mean I know that my getting accepted to graduate school has no direct affect on them, per say. However, I think that it would have been appropriate at least to pretend to be excited for me, if in fact, that wasn't the actual case. J made an interesting point, that it's difficult to be emotionally supportive of someone else when it seems that everything is not in place in one's own life. Nigeria then made an additional point that sometimes even family succumbs to jealously especially when it seems like some members of the family are progressing while other are stuck in a rut. Both of these issues are bothering me and a source of concern especially in the family dimension of my life. I want my family life to be healthier than it is but when I am interacting with my family I often feel like whatever I do will make the situation worse, even my success. I suppose my idealistic hope was that if I made something of myself, not only would my family be proud of me, but it would also bring us all together and make us happier in our own individual lives. That is proving to be a strategic flaw in my reasoning.
My friends, peers, associates, etc. have been very supportive and I am very grateful to have such encouraging people in my life who care about me and my well-being and who are kind enough to offer their congratulatory remarks, words of praise, and support. This means so much to me, more than any of them will probably ever know. Although many of them often tell me how inspirational I am, what they fail to realize is that they are my true source of inspiration and empowerment and they are the ones who continue to drive and motivate me to succeed in my endeavors and in my life. One of my friends from high school in particular said something to me that really touched me and although it was the simplest statement it meant volumes. Sometimes in life, the simplest things mean the most. Birthdays, Holidays, Anniversary's, Graduations, Acceptances, Awards. They all are meaningless in and of themselves but have the power to mean so much if we let them. I am thankful to have some of the most caring and supportive friends in my life that bring me so much joy and happiness. You all complete me and it is my hope that wherever life takes us, we will always continue to provide each other love, laughter, and life. I truly wish you all the best!
Lastly, my life. This amazing vessel that I have been given to do with whatever I so choose. What an amazing blessing. When God created the earth, he truly blessed us beyond belief to be able to exist on such an amazing place. Despite all of its flaws, the gift of life on earth is a gift to which we can never repaid. It is the ultimate gift and one to which each day I wake up and attempt to do something worthy of having such a gift. My only hope for my life is that I can live up to my destiny and truly find my purpose, whatever that is supposed to be. This acceptance means so much for my life, more than the UCLA faculty in the Afro-American Studies Department could ever know. This acceptance reaffirms my life: the reason why I exist as an African-American man and member of the LGBT community. This acceptance signifies to me that my choices, desires, interests, goals in life are valid and that I do deserve to live, to breathe, to fight, and to succeed.
My future is still a blurry and distant image but this acceptance signifies to me that it is becoming more and more clear each and everyday. I am a college graduate and in the fall I will be a graduate student pursuing a Master's degree in Afro-American Studies. In 2010, I will apply to about 20 law schools around the country in hopes of becoming an attorney, working in corporate, civil rights, and public interest law, starting my own law firm, writing a best-selling autobiography/self-help book, and becoming a political leader/social activist/educator. These are my dreams, this is my future, now is the time to make it my reality. It is my deep and abiding hope that success in each of these dimensions of my life is achieved through my faith, my love, and through some miraculous act of God!
Love, hope, and peace,
Rodney K. Nickens Jr.
UCLA Graduate Student
Interdepartmental Program in Afro-American Studies
Class of 2011
rnickens@ucla.edu
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