I don't care how confident I may seem or how I may appear to carry myself with self-assurance, arrogance, and egotism, that is truly not who I am. I am no different that anyone else. I do have insecurities, I fear, I cry, I am sensitive, and often unsure of myself and my role in interacting with others. That notwithstanding, some would say that the image that I portray is a facade and I would have to argue the contrary. Though I may be perceived as confident and often feel inadequate, I am both. I am confident. I know that I am an intelligent, strong, talented, privileged, Black man and I am very proud of those things. They have made me who I am today. But I also know that I have a responsibility to use those gifts for the benefit of mankind. As Stan Lee once famously said in "Spider-Man" with great power comes great responsibility." Knowing that I have been blessed makes me even more self-aware. I do not understand why I have been no blessed and often times I feel undeserving which accounts for my frequent feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt. Coupled with my insecurities regarding my ethnicity and my sexual orientation, this makes for a very insecure person who often takes part in many counter-productive activities.
All of this notwithstanding I had an exceptional 5-day weekend which started with my meeting with UCAAD in Oakland and culminated with my Aunt Ramona's 50th Birthday celebration in
Downtown Hayward, which was by the way a fantastic night!On Friday I left Dublin for San Francisco. The Student Advising and Learning Center had booked two rooms at the Holiday Inn for the members of the Merced Pre-Law Society, who were attending the UC Hastings Diversity Outreach Day Event on Saturday. So I took BART to the city arrived in my hotel, began to unwind and waited for the rest of the group. I was unsure how I would interact with the group because many of the members were not in my circle of influence and I therefore felt that I would be out of my element. To some extent I was, but with the addition of a certain beverage and inhalant that seems to have the ability to connect people across backgrounds, this issue soon dwindled at least to some extent.
I thoroughly enjoyed my evening with the members of the MPLS and we had an awesome time at the hotel, at Westfield Mall, and hanging out with some random German exchange students.
On Saturday we somehow managed to wake up, get dressed, and proceed, early I might add, 3 blocks to UC Hastings for the Law School Event. I was very proud of our group for 1) making it to the event, and 2) behaving for the most part exceptionally well throughout the entirety of our trip. The morning workshop by Anthony Solana was excellent and I was very impressed with his knowledge and his presentation. I was however, a bit saddened by the lack of more individuals of his caliber doing more to bring more folks of color to the legal profession. After Solana, we listened to Hastings faculty, which was also particularly interesting, especially a certain male law professor and practicing attorney. The rest of the day consisted of formal and informal students panels which were very impacting and inspiring, food, and finally our groups departure.
grand stairway, and a contemporary DJ. The mood was right, the music was right, and the champaign was BOMB!! By my sixth or seventh glass I was officially feeling NICE and proceeded to the dance floor where some of my more exciting dance moves proceeded to shock and embarrass some attendants and specific homophobic members of my family. That notwithstanding I enjoyed the company of my cousin, Christinah and her cousins and friends, and had an amazing time at my aunt's party celebrating in all of her success and achievement. Although, she often challenges my ideology, I am very thankful to have her in my life as a constant source of Black female empowerment. Though I am not a Black woman, my identity as
Black LGBQT male allows me toFollowing the Law School Event, I caught BART back to Dublin, got dressed, and caught BART to Hayward for the party. The party was very classy with a gourmet Buffet-style dinner, a be very sympathetic to the plight of Black women in this country and I am inspired more so, in many cases, by many prominent Black women in our society. The evening culminated with my impromptu College Talk with my cousin Evan and his cousins and friends. Embracing my role as College "Counselor" I offered them unsolicited advice in high school and life and encouraged to "stay on their shit and not get caught up," despite my drunken state.Somehow by the grace of God I made it back to Dublin, slightly hungover but nonetheless rested, and was on my way back to my apartment in Merced. Now it is time for me to truly be honest to myself and to rid myself of fear and insecuritiy, as Anthony Solana so articulately put it, and truly stand and act proudly in the manner in which was intended that I do. I am Rodney Nickens Jr. and it is time for all of the world to know.
Sincerely,
RKNJ
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